Bad dream

I had a scary dream.

I was in a car, the driver’s seat. The car was stationery in some kind of parking lot. In front of me a barrier, some bushes.

Someone banged on my window with a fist, aggressive.

I opened the window, regretting it almost immediately.

Outside the car, I could see the figure of a man. He was big, fat, his stomach at my window essentially taking up the entire space.

I don’t know if he said anything, but I suddenly knew he was very angry.

I knew, as sure as I knew my own self, that at any moment his hand was going to come through the window and grab my throat.

I was terrified.

I looked in the rear view mirror and there was another man behind the car.

I wondered if I had enough time to start the car and squeal out backwards, hitting the man behind me, bowling over the man at my window. Enough time before he reached through the open window to encircle my neck with his fingers and throttle me.

But they hadn’t done anything bad yet, even though I knew without a doubt that it was coming. I probably couldn’t justify running over a guy because I was scared.

All this ran through my head in that treacle-slow way that thoughts struggle to work in dreams.

I felt sick, I was so very frightened.

Then I woke up, the feeling of terror high in my chest, holding my breath, trying to let it go, fighting my way up through the nightmare, holding onto the feeling even as the images got swimmy and weak.

I wanted to roll over, curl into someone warm and strong, to rest my mouth against soft skin and breath in the feeling of safety, hear a soft murmer, feel gentle hands petting me.

I carried that feeling around today. Not the terror of the dream, but the desire for somewhere safe where I could let fears dissipate.

Today I felt lonely.

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16 Comments

  1. Perhaps this is the expression of your,, dissatisfaction and frustration with males in your life? (Insert joke about handing a whip and flogger and smack a guy 30 times and call in the morning joke here,,,)

    Most guys are jerks, we are,, we know,, but since most people are disfunctional as long as we can “pass” in public thats enough?

    1. The dream was awful, and it wasn’t nice to feel lonely afterwards.

      I don’t feel lonely often. I’ve decided that I don’t like it and shouldn’t do that again.

      I appreciate the good wishes, thank you.

      Ferns

    1. If I imagine someone saying this in a scary voice and referring to my dream-terror, it’s really creepy!!

      I won’t do that though, I’ll imagine a chirpy and supportive voice. Not creepy at all.

      You are right, though. Feelings ARE real, it’s just some of them are not based in reality, or are fleeting, or are irrational… etc. But yes, real enough.

      Ferns

  2. *warm caressing hugs*

    As someone who has nightmares often I understand how horrible that had to feel and can definitely relate to loneliness. Wishing you happier dreams.

    Respectfully,
    Mysticlez

  3. I take a ride in that particular boat quite often. I can’t imagine how harrowing it must be to have no one there to pet you afterwards. :(
    Pets da fernzzz

    M.FV

  4. Sometimes our emotions battle themselves in our dreams as we work out conflicting feelings over what we think we deserve or feel may be coming our way for whatever unknown reason. And sometimes it’s just a matter of bad food raging war in our system.. ;)

    You’re a beautiful person and have a beautiful soul…if that was not the case these things wouldn’t bother you.

    Hope this picks you up!

    Congratulations, you’ve been awarded the “Sensual Blogging Award” and the “Very Inspiring Blogger Award.” !

    ~ Vista

    1. I’m sure a dream interpreter would be able to tell me what on earth was going on there!

      Thank you so much for the lovely compliment and the thoughtful awards *smile*!!

      Ferns

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