posted by on bambi

Yesterday, he booked the flight to come here to me.

That suddenly makes it a real possibility. So exciting!

“He, who?!! Geez, Ferns, you never tell us ANYTHING!” *pout mutter*

He, the cutie who I have been speaking with for a couple of months now… that one…

He attracted my attention by slipping this into a comment he made on a Fetlife thread we were both participating in:

(I’m crushing so hard on Ferns)

I responded sweetly in-thread and then followed up with a note because I thought it was cute, and I’d seen him posting before and I liked what he had to say:

Hello cutelycrushingboy,

It’s a rule that I have to be friends with anyone who says out loud that they are crushing on me because my ego demands it and that bitch won’t shut up once she gets an idea in her overblown mind.

Also, I like your posts.

If you have a policy of not wanting to be stalked by people you don’t actually know, because… creepers!, my ego and I will be fine with it.


And so the conversation started, and really never finished.

As it turns out he is a big fan of my blog, has been reading it pretty much since I started (wha?!), and has harboured a bit of a secret blog-crush for a while (a fanboy! *squeee*). I commented on his first ever Fetlife thread over four and a half years ago (four and a half years!!?!). Small world.

So about him:

  • I call him bambi because he is a baby with beautiful big blue doe-eyes
  • He is a North American boy, I seem to have a soft spot for them
  • He is 6’2, oh my
  • He is over ten years younger than me
  • He makes me laugh
  • He has the most crazy-expressive face
  • He is a photo hoooaarrrr. He sends me multiple photos of himself when we chat: to show expressions, to make a point, to do something cute or silly
  • Some of the photos he sends are heart-achingly beautiful, I don’t think he sees it
  • He has a sweetness that manifests in bursts of word-blurting
  • He is ruled by his rational brain: he likes to reason things through, even though ‘because I said so’ works just fine
  • His rational brain protects him from me. Not a bad thing, to have barriers. We are both chipping away at it together.
  • He is fascinating in that he can unravel, examine, and articulate his own inner workings very well
  • Re the above, he happily and openly *tells* me how things feel for him, narrates his emotions for me because he *wants* me to see inside him, and I can’t just yet
  • He is not quite a newbie, but inexperienced with D/s relationships (I do love newbies!)
  • His emotional brain thrums with delight in response to me, I want more of that
  • He is smart, articulate, passionate, sweet, difficult, complex and really very lovely

As I am finishing writing this, we are having a conversation in chat. He just told me that saying ‘okay’ or ‘sure’ to acknowledge his compliance to do something I ask of him doesn’t really carry the weight of what he is feeling, and suggested it was a good time to start using some sort of honorific, and what would I like, and is it appropriate at this stage? I feel a little wave of tenderness at how he framed the question: he was not shy about it, but I know he didn’t ask lightly (though he included a jokey aside, for self protection).

“I like “Yes Ma’am””, I said. But I’m pretty sure he already knew that, he was really asking for permission.

He will be here on 3rd of April, probably for several months.

Exciting!! *bounce bounce*

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