Yesterday, he booked the flight to come here to me.

That suddenly makes it a real possibility. So exciting!

“He, who?!! Geez, Ferns, you never tell us ANYTHING!” *pout mutter*

He, the cutie who I have been speaking with for a couple of months now… that one…

He attracted my attention by slipping this into a comment he made on a Fetlife thread we were both participating in:

(I’m crushing so hard on Ferns)

I responded sweetly in-thread and then followed up with a note because I thought it was cute, and I’d seen him posting before and I liked what he had to say:

Hello cutelycrushingboy,

It’s a rule that I have to be friends with anyone who says out loud that they are crushing on me because my ego demands it and that bitch won’t shut up once she gets an idea in her overblown mind.

Also, I like your posts.

If you have a policy of not wanting to be stalked by people you don’t actually know, because… creepers!, my ego and I will be fine with it.


And so the conversation started, and really never finished.

As it turns out he is a big fan of my blog, has been reading it pretty much since I started (wha?!), and has harboured a bit of a secret blog-crush for a while (a fanboy! *squeee*). I commented on his first ever Fetlife thread over four and a half years ago (four and a half years!!?!). Small world.

So about him:

  • I call him bambi because he is a baby with beautiful big blue doe-eyes
  • He is a North American boy, I seem to have a soft spot for them
  • He is 6’2, oh my
  • He is over ten years younger than me
  • He makes me laugh
  • He has the most crazy-expressive face
  • He is a photo hoooaarrrr. He sends me multiple photos of himself when we chat: to show expressions, to make a point, to do something cute or silly
  • Some of the photos he sends are heart-achingly beautiful, I don’t think he sees it
  • He has a sweetness that manifests in bursts of word-blurting
  • He is ruled by his rational brain: he likes to reason things through, even though ‘because I said so’ works just fine
  • His rational brain protects him from me. Not a bad thing, to have barriers. We are both chipping away at it together.
  • He is fascinating in that he can unravel, examine, and articulate his own inner workings very well
  • Re the above, he happily and openly *tells* me how things feel for him, narrates his emotions for me because he *wants* me to see inside him, and I can’t just yet
  • He is not quite a newbie, but inexperienced with D/s relationships (I do love newbies!)
  • His emotional brain thrums with delight in response to me, I want more of that
  • He is smart, articulate, passionate, sweet, difficult, complex and really very lovely

As I am finishing writing this, we are having a conversation in chat. He just told me that saying ‘okay’ or ‘sure’ to acknowledge his compliance to do something I ask of him doesn’t really carry the weight of what he is feeling, and suggested it was a good time to start using some sort of honorific, and what would I like, and is it appropriate at this stage? I feel a little wave of tenderness at how he framed the question: he was not shy about it, but I know he didn’t ask lightly (though he included a jokey aside, for self protection).

“I like “Yes Ma’am””, I said. But I’m pretty sure he already knew that, he was really asking for permission.

He will be here on 3rd of April, probably for several months.

Exciting!! *bounce bounce*

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  1. What a great post to wake up to!!! It sounds wonderful and exciting, and I’m really happy for you! It’s been a long time coming, and I wish only the best for both of you.

    ~sends positive thoughts~

    I know how much you hate waiting though, so I’ll just stay here and hold your hand until he gets there… I’m good like that, you know.

  2. Yay, exciting!

    “Probably for several months,” wait, what?! Wow. Lots of possibilities there. But such a long wait in the meantime.

    1. *smile* Yes, exciting!!

      And ‘several months’ absolutely means lots of possibilities! Fun!

      I’m trying to consider it less ‘waiting’ and more ‘getting to know each other better before meeting’. That, though, is not fooling *anyone*!!


  3. I loved waking up to see this! I’m so happy for you, for him, for the relationship developing between you, for his quickly approaching visit, and for all the possibilities yet to come! I’m full of “squee” for you at the moment, which has manifested itself in the form of springs in my bum and the inability to stop smiling and clapping while I sit here trying to type the words I want to share.

    1. *grin* Thank you so much for the squeeing, smiling and clapping on my behalf!!

      I’m trying not to get TOO excited because I hate to be disappointed, but… *exciting*!!


    1. Thanks Peroxide. I’m glad I could give you a smile!

      And I do like a little bit of jealousy: it is good for my ego, which (as you know) is a delicate wilting little flower…


  4. My first posting on your blog site Ferns but I’m thrilled that its to relay my best wishes and congratulations! He sounds divine and delish.

    I just love happy happenings :)


    1. Yes, yes that IS an annoying smirk!

      HOW DID YOU KNOW?! Have you been hacking into my computer again? Look, if you want porn, just ask and I’ll send it to you!


      1. Dearest Ferns YOU of all people should know the only way I could hack a computer is with an axe! Pffft and fie to your porn it’s not MY porn and you knows it


  5. *bounce bounce* indeed!

    “He has a sweetness that manifests in bursts of word-blurting”

    I adore sweet word-blurting! Also, this,

    “narrates his emotions for me because he *wants* me to see inside him,”

    Hearing the inner workings is just lovely, isn’t it? Especially when they want you to know, they need you to know!

    I’m excited for you, Ferns!

    1. “I adore sweet word-blurting!”

      *smile* Me too!

      “Hearing the inner workings is just lovely, isn’t it?”

      Totally and utterly lovely, especially since I can’t *see* it yet (but I adore it even when I *can* see it).

      Thanks for sharing my excitement!


  6. Yaaaaaay! Or perhaps ‘Yippeeee’, more so than a ‘squeee’, per se. Uh oh – I don’t know whether to feel nervous for you or for him that it should go well! Or for both of you! Then I sorta feel a ‘whack’… that’d be you telling me to knock it off.

    1. *smile* Thanks for the yaying!

      No nerves! Well, not yet anyway. Too far away at the moment. I’ll let you know when.

      On the other hand… *whack*! Knock it off!!


  7. Oh sigh, is that how easy it is? Here I was agonizing over how to be all witty and subtle. You mean to say that if I had just dropped a blatant assertion of how your writing makes me feel, that might have led to a direct message from you? Green, green ,green! Eyed monster that is!

    1. *chuckle* Yes, it really is THAT easy.

      Or… you could have written me a note directly and guess what? I’d have answered you!! *gasp* I love getting sweet notes in my inbox.

      Thank you for the lovely compliment and the green eyes *smile*.


  8. Ferns:

    Good for you! and him!

    *claps hands excitedly and bounces on feet*

    Please keep us in the know about how well it’s progressing! You do know that we are all living voraciously through your experiences, right?


    1. *smile* Thanks for the excited clapping and bouncing!!

      I will definitely keep you in the loop, and it tickles me no end that you used ‘voraciously’ (I think I love it even more if it was a mistake! Brilliant!)!


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