Payment for service

I had a massage from a man today, which I normally hate. He was a short, stocky, strong looking, blonde American.

We talked a little, he made me laugh, his hands were wonderful, he breathed heavily and made small grunting noises as he worked on my body.

And during the massage, with the pain, with the strong hands, with the rubbing, with the touching, with the oil and with him being quietly funny and interesting, I got turned on, inexplicably, not hugely hugely, but enough to make it very pleasant indeed.

At one point, he pressed a very hard part of his body against me (a very muscular thigh I assume, his cock I thought) and then rocked me back and forth so that I rubbed rhythmically against that body part. Delicious.

And later, he hurt me, in the way that good masseuses do, and it made me moan and he smiled and said, “It feels good when I stop doesn’t it?” Fucking delicious.

At the end, I was face up, he stood at my head, he slid his hands under my shoulders and down along my back. He pressed his fingers strongly towards the ceiling, forcing my breasts upwards and he held me there. His mouth close to my ear, he was breathing heavily and grunting slightly as he moved his fingers every so often, pressing into my muscles in different locations. I was breathing deeply into the pain. All I could hear in the room was the heavy breathing and the gentle grunts, his hands holding me in place.

Sexy, lovely.

What has this to do with domination? Paying a man to service my body…

“Here boy, you need the money? Then you had better start there, at my feet…”

There’s something about that… something…

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While waiting for the lift, she kissed him softly, drawing his face to hers with her fingers in his hair. A first kiss, exploratory, tasting him a little. She kissed him a little harder in the lifts, experimenting a little with her mouth on his, leaning into him, holding his mouth to her by his hair. He was suddenly shy, nervous, she could feel it in his hesitation, his breathing quick and shallow.

When the lift doors opened, she led him to her room by the hand, she opened the door and he walked in ahead of her and stood there, waiting expectantly. She shut the door behind her, and went to him, standing so close she knew he felt stifled, invading his space, her face inches from his, she was taller than his six foot in her stilettoed boots.

She gripped his hair again and kissed him more aggressively, biting at his lips, licking his tongue. She held his head back from her mouth by his hair… he didn’t reach for her, but waited passively for her to continue. She looked into his eyes, trying to read him, finding it difficult. She kissed him both softly and hard, and he returned the kisses tentatively. She expected he was terrified of doing the wrong thing. She pressed against him while kissing him aggressively, she felt his cock rising against her, his breath catching when she released his mouth.

She started to touch his skin under his shirt, stroking him. She nudged against his neck, then closed her teeth on his skin and he flinched. She reminded him about his safe words and made him repeat them back to her.

She gestured for him to raise his arms, and she slid his shirt off over his head, and walked around him, touching his bare skin gently, his chest, his nipples, his stomach, his back, his arms. She undid his jeans and slid her fingers down his pants. He stood silent, still, his breathing shallow, his eyes closed as she touched him. She told him to open his eyes, to look at her. He complied and she studied his face. She tried to read his expression. “Are you doing ok baby?”, she asked. He looked into her eyes and nodded, “Yes Ma’am”.

She sat on the bed, “Take your jeans off”, and she watched him strip. He left his boxers on, charcoal, as ordered. She told him to lock his hands behind his head and explained that this was the ‘Stand’ position. She then had him ‘Stand wide’, with his feet apart. He complied quickly, a questioning look on his face until she nodded approval and she saw his relief in the acknowledgement. The position made him stand proud and straight, his abs stretched, his arms flexed, his cock hard, precum marking the front of his boxers. She loved seeing him like this.

She looked him up and down, slowly, drinking him in. He was fit, lean, strong, his eyes showed a mixture of fear and doubt, his cock revealed his desire, his breathing still shallow and quick. He hated silences, and she knew her staring unnerved him, and still she stared silently at him. He looked so nervous, she tried not to smile.

“Kneel”, she said, finally. He dropped to his knees, his eyes downcast. She watched him. He had never knelt before, he looked uncomfortable and her heart melted just a little

“Come here”, and he moved awkwardly towards her on his knees. He stopped about a metre away from her and looked up for approval. She beckoned him closer. He shuffled forward but still not close enough so she beckoned him again, widening her legs so he had room to come right up against the bed between them. He looked up at her.

She took his left wrist and put the heavy leather cuff on it, enjoying how it looked. She did the same on his right wrist and told him how pretty they looked. “Don’t they look pretty?” she asked him. He agreed, “Yes Ma’am”. She laughed, and called him a liar… “You don’t think they look pretty at all do you?”. He smiled, relaxing just a little, “No Ma’am, not really”.

She reached behind him, leaning against his chest to connect the cuffs behind his back. He had never been cuffed before, had never been restrained before. Her face was close to his, and she felt him tilt his head to rub his cheek against hers. She let him get that comfort from her as she attached the clips and she waited there for a moment to let him get used to how it felt.

She sat back up and he looked up at her, he was open, looked a little like a deer in the headlights. She held his face in her hands and kissed him again, opening his mouth, demanding, feeling hunger rise now that he was more helpless, pressing her crotch into him, pushing against him, her legs on either side of his body, wanting to feel his skin through her jeans, the heat of him. She felt him trying to rise to her, the first time he had truly responded to her as she wanted and she felt an ache in her throat. She finally let his mouth go, her lips felt bruised, her breathing heavy.

She told him to get up on the bed on his knees, and he scrambled up. She took out the pegs he had brought with him at her request and smiled at him.

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Aggression, teeth grinding jaw clenching aggression, barely contained muscle tightening growling aggression. And I need it to go somewhere and I need it to be released and I need a target and I need to come.

I need to fuck and I need to fuck with and I want him invisible and irrelevant and I want him empty, a receptacle, with no eyes and no name. And I want him to be hard, all over, I want lean muscles straining, biceps and a six pack and hard thighs, a cock that weeps precum and a mouth that screams and begs and skin that reddens and welts and bleeds sweat on a body that fights against bondage without hope.

And I want that hopelessness and I want to hurt him everywhere and watch the panic and I want him gasping for breath and I want tears and kisses that bite and I want to hit him with everything I’ve got and make him beg for more and I want to tear apart his muscles and watch them melt and I need to come.

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Art and movies

She leads the way into the gallery, their fingers entwined, she takes a look around, black and white photos on the walls, men in pain, women in bondage, lots of men on men, all dark, broody, lots of flesh and leather. She nods towards what will be their starting point and lets him lead the way there. He stops in front of the large photograph and she steps in behind him. She leans into his back, her face averted from the photograph in front of them, her mouth at his neck. She relaxes into him.

“Describe it to me,” she whispers into his ear.

And he does, he starts talking softly in honeyed tones, describing the dirty, base, obscene photograph in his beautiful voice, and she feels his voice enter her like liquid, the vibrations of it humming into her chest and she breathes against his neck, his words making her draw the image in her mind, a sharp exhale against his skin when his description hits her pussy, hearing his voice catch as he registers her response. He keeps the monologue going, he finishes describing the photograph, but he doesn’t stop speaking to her.

He is no longer describing the photo, he starts describing things he knows she loves, hot, sexy things that he knows make her wet. She makes a soft sound and he knows he has it right as she presses against him harder, and he leans back into her. He keeps talking to her and her hands reach around his body, pulling him back, her lips now on his neck, and she holds him firm against her and he feels her hips push against him. And he keeps talking, drawing depraved pictures with his words, and she holds his hips still, and tight against her as she almost imperceptibly starts to fuck against his arse, making a soft sound through her lips against his neck. She tenses and relaxes against him, hardly moving, her breasts rubbing against his back, her hips and crotch trying to get more contact against his arse. And finally he runs out of words, his breathing heavy, and they stand there in silence, and they feel the heat of their bodies hard up against each other, and when she can almost breathe, she whispers ‘fuck’ breathlessly in his ear and he hears her smile and he nods. “I know.”

And they move onto the next photograph.

When they leave the gallery and head to the short film show, the nature of the films is clear from the crowd milling about in leather and latex outside. They don’t wait but head straight in, finding seats towards the back, it is already dark. They hunker down and her hand finds his knee and slides up his jean-clad thigh, coming to rest at his crotch, against his cock. She wants to feel what in the films makes him hard, to understand what goes on in his mind. She feels him shift, and starts to smile as his cock hardens under her touch. She waits, and his cock presses insistently against her fingers. She laughs and turns to him.

“Stop it,” she says.

She knows he is blushing, there in the dark, but he laughs also.

“I can’t help it,” he says.

She can see his teeth flashing at her, there in the dark. And his laugh makes her want him, and she reaches for him, pulling his face to hers and she kisses him, and he is still laughing, and she kisses his laughter, her hand still on his cock.

When she pulls away, she looks at him again through the dark.

“Now seriously, stop it,” she says, and waits to see what he is going to do about it.

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I woke this morning thinking of you, restless. In my head I felt like an animal pacing a cage, restless. Couldn’t breathe, coming up from sleep with this violence in my mind.

I want you at my feet and I want to hurt you. I don’t have a focus, just hurt, I want you on the floor, whimpering.

The thought of you being there made me so fucking wet, I was breathing heavily with the image of it. Cruelly pinching your nipples until your eyes tear up, fist in your hair forcing your head to the ground, making you lick things, the ground, my feet, I don’t care, it’s the licking. My foot on your face, too much pressure, you squirming, not wanting to move away, knowing I need you there, and still the licking.

Grabbing your hair in my fist, hard, pulling, awkward, your neck twisted, lifting your face to me. Shoving my fingers into your mouth, feeling soft, wet, holding your head still, making you gag, watching you struggle to breath, eyes tearing.

Slapping your face, watching your eyes even as they register alarm and hurt, and again. Nipples again, I know you love that, but I want it to hurt badly, like they are going to come right off your body, or you wish they would. I want you to moan with pain and struggle not to twist away, and I know you would do that for me.

I don’t want to use things, I want to hurt you with my hands, my mouth. Biting you, hard, leaving marks, blood, licking it. Pinching soft flesh as hard as I can, the inside of your arms, your inner thighs, your balls, your cock.

I want tears and inarticulate helpless noises and whimpering and melting and an edge of panic and hurt in your eyes. I’m incredibly aroused with wanting this, to hurt you.

Come here and beg me to hurt you.

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Kissing him

I sit on the arm of the couch, look down at him, stroke his face. I place my hand on his cheek, and cup his face up to me as I kiss him gently. He kisses me back, tentatively, and I nudge his mouth open, tasting him, and it rises quickly in me, passion, heat. I kiss him a little harder, exploring his mouth, my fingers slip to his throat, applying some pressure, pushing his head back, tilting it until it is along the back of the couch, and I kiss him, tasting him, feeling the skin of his exposed throat under my fingers. I kiss him harder, biting his lips, feeling him wince, feeling like I can’t breathe. And I kiss him harder and he returns my aggression, his mouth hungry, wanting, I slip my finger between his lips without breaking the kiss, feeling his tongue, his teeth, I kiss him harder, I can’t get enough.

He is stroking me, running his hand cautiously along my arm as I lean further over him, his hand along the side of my body, I grip his hair and hold his head back, he strokes my side, across my ribs, my breast, I push him back along the couch, eating up his mouth, shoving his head back, I feel like growling and I can’t get enough of his mouth. I am almost lying over him, pushing at him, his head arched back against the back of the couch, kissing, pushing, wanting.

I pull back finally, slowing, just touching his lips with mine, lapping at his soft bottom lip, pulling it gently into my mouth, my breathing ragged, pulling a few inches away, thinking I am finished with him.

He whispers, “You are such a great kisser.”

“So are you,” I answer and it’s true. “This was so worth it,” I tell him, but I am not finished with him yet.

He looks up at me and he knows I am not done with him, and I feel him reach for me, and I let him guide my mouth gently back down to his, like guiding a missile to its target, like guiding me home, and once I am locked, I am lost again, and I nudge against his mouth, finding his tongue, aggressively taking his mouth, and feeling like I can’t get enough.

I feel a soft pressure as he tries to urge me off the arm of the couch into his lap, against his body, I resist, keeping my mouth on his, pushing. I grip his hair tightly in my fingers and he lets out a little moan and I twist his head back further and pull away to look at his face, his eyes are closed, supplication, surrender, submission. I touch my fingertips to his lips and he opens his mouth, I enter with my finger, fingers, he keeps his eyes closed and he wraps his lips around my fingers, he sucks them and I slide them in and out of his mouth, feeling his tongue lapping at them, watching, wanting, perfect and it makes my hunger rise, my stomach lurching with lust. And I kiss him hard and it’s delicious, and I feel voracious and he is pushing up against me with his mouth, wanting more, and I feel like I want to get inside him through his mouth.

I start to slow a little and pull away, I gently touch his lips with my tongue, he reaches up for me and I pull back further and he arches up to me and he can’t get to my mouth and I make him wait for me before I can’t bear not to have my mouth on his anymore, and I move down to kiss him, hard, again, and I make a sound, like a moan deep in my throat and I feel him react to it even though I never heard it escape my lips. I feel like I am kissing him forever.

I finally slow my attack on him, pause and pull away from him. I whisper, “You’re lovely.” He doesn’t hear me, I repeat it, and he smiles up at me.

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First time

I went to a BDSM night at a goth club with a submissive female friend. It was the first time I had identified as a ‘Domme’ in public, I had never been to a club before, had no idea what to expect, had never really played with a submissive (at this stage, I had a remote submissive online, and had played as a sub to a very experienced Dom (another story)).

The play area was not closed to the public, but the BDSM activity was in a separate room. I wore (aha…here comes the fetish part) a black catsuit, a wide belt that was essentially a waist cincher, killer stiletto boots, my meanest red lipstick and I had my multistrand flogger in my bag.

This was the first time I experienced submissive men coming up to me, sinking to their knees and asking for things. Mostly I said “No”, but it was still a head rush.

While most of the early part of the night has disappeared from memory, I recall two things in particular:

The first was a man coming up and asking if I would ‘take him out the back’ and choke him so that he couldn’t breath (errrmm…no!).

The second was another who asked me to slap his face, which I did, and got an immediate rush, shocking!! He was totally topping me, “Harder harder!” and I obliged, slapping him over and over, while internally going “Wow!”. I don’t think I hit him as hard as he wanted, but still, wow.

Quite late into the night, two arrogant, cocky, smirking vanilla men with their girlfriends sauntered over and said, “We want you to whip us.”

“I beg your pardon?”

“We want you to whip us… you’re the house Domme aren’t you?”

House Domme? Who knew there was such a thing? And I cannot at all recall what I had been doing that made them think I was one…

“No, if I do it, I do it because I want to.”

“Well, we want you to whip us.”

“Like I have the slightest interest in what you want…etc etc…” (insert more uber Domme speak here).

So, I made them get on their knees and beg me to whip them. They were still all cocky and smirking, treating it like a joke, but they did it and I made them keep doing it until I was satisfied.

I don’t remember the first boy, he was almost irrelevant, though I recall sitting with him afterwards… He was shaky, I made someone get him some water.

The second one blew my mind.

They had cuffs hung from the ceiling, I made him take his shirt off and cuffed him up, stretched. He was looking at his girlfriend, smiling, mugging. And I pressed up against him and whispered that this was going to hurt and he smirked at me and I started to hit him with the flogger, on his back, pretty soft at first.

I did a lot of stroking when I paused, his back, chest, along the waistband of his jeans, pressing full length, pushing against him, bringing my mouth right up close to his, no kissing, watching his face.

And I hit him harder and harder, and he started to flinch with every stroke. And he started to pay attention, he stopped smirking, and he stopped looking at his girlfriend and his eyes followed me as I moved around him. And I forgot about anyone else being there. It was about him and me.

And I continued to hit him, starting to put some force behind it, watching his skin change colour.

His girlfriend came up to me when I paused, and asked if she could touch him, I didn’t even look at her, said no, waved her away. For now, for this, he was mine.

Between the hitting, there was a lot of stroking of his bare skin, pressing the length of my body against his, whispering, asking him if it hurt, and him looking at me, nodding and whispering “Yes” to me, I’m breathing into his mouth, bringing my face close. And he was hard. And he started to beg me to kiss him, “Kiss me, please kiss me.”

And I continued to hit him, his whole body was rocking against the force of it, and I watched his face, and he was totally gone, glazed, eyes locked on me with longing, every fibre of him trying to get to me, whispering “Please, please kiss me please kiss me…”.

And I undid his jeans, probing fingers glancing against the outline of his cock, and he blushed, and he stammered that his pants would fall down, “Please don’t let my jeans fall down.” An edge of panic in his voice. And he was hard and he was scared of being humiliated and his eyes followed me as I moved around him and he reached for me with his body, with his mouth, straining against the rope.

And I watched his face and thought it was beautiful, begging, grunting with pain, flushed, inarticulate noises coming out of his mouth. And he was hard.

And I continued to hit him and touch him and whisper to him until I had had enough.

When I stopped, and let him down, he was shaking, he was totally high on endorphins and his face was one of shock, his eyes glassy, he looked at me with wonder, and I sat with him for a while, petting him down, murmuring nothing to him.

When I left the club they both came out and literally followed my girlfriend and me down the street chanting my name (truly bizarre).

And me, I had never NEVER NEVER felt anything like it. It was like a revelation, and it wasn’t about hurting him, it was about moving him through that transition, seeing him react to me – the way he went from an arrogant, cocky, smirking vanilla jerk to a begging, wanting, vulnerable ‘thing’, the power of that, and the beauty in it was incredible. Add to that the concentration of energy, how totally lost in it I was, how there was no-one else there except me and him…

Totally. Blew. My. Mind.

And I thought, “I have got to get me some more of that…”

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