I contacted a couple of local submissive men on a BDSM dating site.
They said “No thanks” to me. Politely and pleasantly.
I said, “Okay, best of luck finding what you’re looking for.”
Things I didn’t say:
“No, really, explain to me why.”
“You never even gave me a chance.”
“Pleeeeaasssseeee, please pleaseplease.”
“You’re really missing out, you know…”
“Fucking arsehole, no wonder you’re single.”
“No woman would want you anyway you ugly fat creep.”
OR ANYTHING EVEN REMOTELY LIKE THAT.
Taking rejection well isn’t hard. It really isn’t.
That’s because you aren’t an inarticulate moro.
It’s always nice when people are respectful of other peoples choices.
Although to be honest if you or another dominant woman refused to accept my response it would get me all hot and flustered.
Or one could kink off the dismissal?
The alchemical process that is masochism! =D
I find that really interesting and I appreciate you sharing it.
I now wonder if that’s why a bunch of submissive men send dumb emails. Because ‘ooh rejection’ *fapfapfap*
I guess I can add that to ‘reasons not to reply at all’… :/
In my book, taking rejection well is more than just not being an arsehole. I can not be an arsehole, but I end up an emotional wreck in private. Taking rejection well (IMO) means not being an arsehole *and* remaining upbeat, which is a level above my efforts.
That’s a really good point.
I think the external is easy and *should* be a given. Bahahahahahaa *sigh*.
The internal is, of course, a lot more complicated. Isn’t it always?
For me, that kind of rejection is very distant from ‘me’ if you know what I mean. They don’t even know me, so whatever reasons they have for saying ‘no thanks’ are completely irrelevant. Maybe I’m too tall, seem boring, my profile is off putting, whatever. It really doesn’t matter.
The bottom line is that reaching out and dating and all of that is BASED on rejection. It only works because you reject everyone who isn’t compatible for any reason whatsoever UNTIL you find the one who fits your particular brand of crazy-awesome, and most people *won’t* fit. None of it is based on inherent worth or value or any of that. It’s based on ‘fit or not’ which is an entirely different thing.
I know that it’s easy to intellectually know that and for it still to be hard not to take it personally. Emotionally knowing it, no really for real, is difficult. Because emotions…
Great response! I think there is a strong basis for an article in that.
I’m glad you found it useful :).
All right, it is bad form to ask `why’. But if I approach someone who is `looking’ and seems vaguely compatible, I do privately wonder `why TF not–it’s just a date.’ I mean, I don’t detect any major flaws in my awesomeness.
That’s in my case. In yours, all I can think is `are they out of their effing minds?’
I actually tried the ‘vaguely compatible, okay then’ plan a while back (‘dating immersion!’) and it was not worth it so I understand why people don’t do it.
Frankly going on a date is like some kind of hellish ick to me, I hate it, so I’ll only do it if I think someone has real potential. I know a lot of people are ‘eh, it’s only a date’ and some people are ‘whee, fun, a date!’, but I can’t relate to either of those kinds of weirdos :P.
“In yours, all I can think is `are they out of their effing minds?’”
Ha! Thank you.
I think I’m pretty fucking awesome, but I’m very aware that I’m not for everyone and I’m perfectly fine with that. I’d much rather they took their ‘yeaaaahhh, not for me’ and said it out loud straight away than waste both of our time by saying yes regardless.
It sounds like you’re an opt-out dater. That is, you default to going on the date unless you have a compelling reason not to, like the person who asked you out does this one thing that really reminds you of your very worst ex and you just can’t deal.
People like me, on the other hand, are opt-in daters – I default to staying home in my introvert cave and need a compelling reason to leave it. Seeing some stranger who I may or may not actually get along with in person just isn’t a compelling enough reason most of the time. That’s perfectly good gaming time!
Coo Moro is actually a thing, who knew? Well apart from Ferns of course