I’m good at remote communication. Probably better than in-person. I can write thoughtful, funny, intimate emails. I adore someone who does the same, who fires me up, who is able to bring something to our exchanges that makes me excited and fascinated, that feeds me. That thing where I can’t hit reply fast enough: I need that.
I’m also good at doing long distance. I seem to do it a lot. Not because it’s a thing I choose as such (though self-examination makes me wonder about this), but because the men I really like seem to have an annoying habit of not living anywhere near me. To me, distance is a logistical and financial problem, and it can be overcome if we want it enough.
But I’m not good at maintaining interest over distance when the communication isn’t excellent. And largely that’s a matter of style and taste and proclivity, and whatever anyone thinks, frequency and type of communication CAN’T be mandated. Making a chore and an obligation out of it will not work. Ever.
And to put it bluntly: The cougarling is not good at it.
In person, he is a beautifully built bundle of affectionately-sweet viking-beast. He shows his interest and affection with physical touch which I love. But remotely, he is simply… absent.
We had a lovely voice call last Friday night after my weeks away. We reconnected, we flirted, we talked about our time together. We agreed that there is something worth pursuing here. I told him that our communication wasn’t working and that I can’t make something out of this long distance if this is how it was going to be. That I would drift away. He understood, but also explained that essentially ‘this is how he is’. I understood.
I suggested I come and visit him as soon as possible since I have the flexibility. He wasn’t keen on that idea: small town, not pleasant, he would be working.
“What are you doing next weekend?” he asked me.
“It’s a long weekend, I’ll come up…”
“But it’s a 12 hour drive… that’s pretty much the entire weekend gone…”
“I’ll see what I can do.”
He did. He’s arriving sometime Friday. He will go home around midday Monday. So we will have three days and three nights.
I’m really pleased and excited, and I do love a man who sees a problem and takes action.
Even if this doesn’t work out in the longer term, the more I can get of him, the better. I feel like I have only just scratched the surface and I wasn’t anywhere near ready to let this go yet.