I’m restless today. And angry. And impatient. And annoyed.
It’s free floating, unfocussed, there is not ‘a thing’ to pin it on, though I am still pinning it on a number of things.
It will pass, of course it will. We all have moods, right?
But the short term result is that my usual patient kindness (shut up, I AM!) has been replaced by an intolerant fed up pissiness.
I’ve already written it out for myself, madly scribbling down thoughts and reasons and anger that would tear through the page were I using a pen and paper. Trying to rid myself of it. Lots of external blamey shit that isn’t really the problem but that’s easy to point at and go ‘THAT. THAT IS PISSING ME THE FUCK OFF. AND YOU. YEAH YOU. YOU ARE PISSING ME THE FUCK OFF TOO!’
I’ve directed it externally a bit also. Because ‘FFS! I CAN’T STAND TO DEAL WITH YOUR IDIOTIC CRAP TODAY!’
But really it’s just coming from me. Would be easier if I was angry AT someone FOR something, but it’s like a rage-cloud that is just floating around in my head, infecting everything it touches.
The only thing that is cheering me up is thinking about all the fantasists who imagine that this bitchified version of me would be a dream come true. It would probably take about 2 seconds for them to realise that it’s not fun. Because it’s not. Pissed-off-me just wants you to GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY FACE RIGHT NOW! What pissed-off-me does NOT want to do is expend energy on someone who is so insensitive that they think that me being in a bad mood is ‘fun’.
Because FUCK YOU!