Sleeping together

I don’t sleep well with another in my bed. I don’t sleep well at all for the most part. This tenuous relationship with sleep makes it precious, sacrosanct. There are few things more irritating than having my sleep interfered with.

I need to feel very comfortable with someone to want them in my bed, and if I don’t have that level of comfort, I don’t share well. I will lie there restless, unable to relax, hyper-aware that they are *just there*.

I let bambi fall asleep in my bed one night when he was here. We had played for some time and then snuggled into bed together in the aftermath. He fell asleep quickly, easily.

Me, I was lying there, restless, acutely aware of another body taking up space. Space that I didn’t need. Not *my* space. Just… space.

I tried, I did.

And some time in the early hours, I woke him up.

“I can’t sleep, you have to go into the other room…” I whispered.

His eyes half closed, he took a moment to register what I was saying. He didn’t protest, or question. He nodded and blearily got up.

I went with him, to put him to bed in the spare room. I missed him from my bed as soon as he left, but I needed him out.

I tucked him in, petted and cuddled with him for a short while. His slow heavy sleep-breathing returned quickly. Then I tiptoed back into my empty room, into my empty bed, and slept… bliss.

For all of that, the idea that my boy and I would not share a bed as the default doesn’t work for me. It makes me feel sad. I don’t want him out of my reach like that.

I want to know that I can fling an arm over and feel him there. There he is, even in sleep, waiting for me.

I like to touch him randomly, snaking fingertips into the space between us towards him until I feel warm flesh. The curve of a hip, the hairs on an arm, the vulnerability of his neck, the shape of his cock.

I enjoy petting him, not even really awake, feeling the texture of his skin under my fingertips. The softness of his rounded arse, that smooth skin behind his ear, his soft relaxed lips.

I need to know that if I roll over, I can fit my body against his and he will shift a little to make me comfortable, murmur unintelligible sounds at me, and push his skin against me for sweetness.

And if I want kissing, well, I want kissing right here right now!

I want all of those possibilities to be available to me, it just takes me some time to get comfortable enough to allow it.

Later on in bambi’s visit, he again fell asleep in my bed, this time still tied to the bedpost by his wrist. I didn’t have the heart to disturb him, so I let him sleep there (on *my* side, no less… see how lovely I am?!) while I went and did other things.

When I went to bed some time later, he was still out. I considered waking him to have him move to the other bedroom, but he looked so adorable, I couldn’t bear to do it. I slipped in beside him and actually managed to fall asleep without too much trouble. I was more comfortable with him by then, and maybe, I don’t know, but maybe, him being tied down made a difference somehow.

More testing required. You know, for science.

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  1. Interesting I wonder if this is more you can’t sleep with them at first because of a trust issue of having them there when you are asleep or not. Some people have this issue with sleep because when you are asleep you are vulnerable. Or is it perhaps the person moves around in their sleep or you move around in yours so you are afraid of waking them? What do you think causes this issue?

    I do find it interesting that when he was tied up you fell asleep which leads one to think perhaps it is the vulnerable trust causing you being unable to sleep with your partner at first.I am always afraid of waking my partner when I dream or something so I have actually considered asking my partner to tie me down.

    If she can’t sleep with me in the bed or I can’t sleep because of being afraid of disturbing her than I am perfectly content laying on the floor beside the bed within reach.


    1. Less trust and more comfort level, I think.

      It really means that they aren’t in my inner circle (as an introvert, those in my inner circle are the only ones I can really relax around), they are ‘other’ (the ones I still have to put my social face on for).

      It’s mental, not physical. I *know* they are there and that means I can’t shut down.


  2. I feel much the same way, Ferns. I struggle to get enough sleep already. Sharing a bed with someone makes it that much more difficult. I just lie there, awake, thinking. But I want to be able to share a bed with a partner and actually be able to sleep. I want the closeness and comfort. I want to wake up in the morning to see her there, and cuddle up close to her until she stirs and sends me to make her coffee and breakfast.

  3. One of the (many) elements that cemented Jalan’s part of the decision that we belong together was that she could sleep with us touching. She had a king bed from her first marriage, and, while she could sleep with her husband in bed, not if he came close, and it generalized.

    When we first met, she was using a queen in her tiny apartment. I was the first (straight) man she’d allowed to sleep over since her separation/divorce, though she didn’t tell me that at the time.

    We both slept well, except when the dog jumped on the bed, triggering my PTSD-like startle reflex!

      1. Oh, it worked out fine for the dog — she doesn’t care if she startles me.

        It just made me levitate every time.

        Fortunately, my startle reflex has calmed substantially since then. I know I’m safe with Jalan.

  4. ohhh totally the part about touching him while he sleeps. I find I don’t sleep nearly as well, if at all, if he is not there beside Me…available for touching at all times. When he is in pup mode, and sleeping on a mattress beside My bed, he is chained to My bedrail within reach for just that reason.

  5. ”I don’t know, but maybe, him being tied down made a difference somehow. More testing required. You know, for science.”

    Well, if I ever make it over to your side of the planet, I’d be more than happy to help you test that out… You know, for science.

    1. It’s not the physical space he is taking up. It’s the mental headspace of ‘someone in my bed’ and even ‘someone in my room’.

      It’s like I’m hyper aware of him being there and that makes my mind unable to relax and shut down.

      I AM able to sleep with him beside me when our relationship is established and he’s ‘part of me’, but before that point, it just makes me agitated.


  6. I sleep well with Lady Pagan in the same bed. The only issue is the large dog that shares it with us. Even then it’s not so bad, except when the Dog’s in her favor more than I am. The the dog gets the pillow, and I get the foot of the bed….

  7. @ Miss Ferns,

    It’s always good to be reminded that there are *women* who don’t like sharing a bed when sleeping, too. I thought it was just certain cold, brutish and unfeeling men, like me . . . .

    As I fall asleep, it feels like I’m withdrawing in my into my own (dream)world. It’s always felt like the person sleeping next to me keeps me awake because to fall asleep would be to take her with me into that world, which I can’t do.

    Perhaps the epitomy of an introvert’s dilemma. Maybe.

    1. “I thought it was just certain cold, brutish and unfeeling men, like me . . . .”

      *smile* No, not just crusty old buggars like you…

      “Perhaps the epitomy of an introvert’s dilemma. Maybe.”

      For me, I do think that’s part of it. That being around people makes me feel a certain discomfort and that doesn’t just stop because they happen to be naked and in my bed.

      When he becomes ‘mine’, that feeling of ‘him as other’ goes away, it just takes time.


  8. I have a question how long did it take you all to get in the comfort of your status. The wife and I are looking to “enhance” our marriage and we are trying to see what fits.

    1. Firstly congratulations on exploring this with your wife! Though how long it took me is probably not going to help you and your wife much.

      I suggest you join and take a look around some of the discussions there. Please feel free to friend me there (same nick) and I will help point you in the right direction.


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