I have agreed to it, finally, and I lie on the bed while he gets the piercing kit. I try to relax, but I am tense, scared. I hate needles, hate them…
He sits beside me on the bed, I try not to watch him get the 14 gauge needle out, try not to listen to the packet crackling as he unwraps it, try not to look at the clamps, try not to think. I turn my head while he gets sorted.
I feel a little sick, I am wondering what I am doing, why I agreed to this, it’s silly, really, silly.
He smiles at me, I look up at him. I have used needles on him many times, play piercings all over and permanent piercings in his balls, his navel.
We talk a little, he kisses me, strokes my hair, he asks me if I am ready. He has wanted to pierce me for a long time, I don’t think he really cares what or where, he just wants it, the intimacy of it, he wants me to feel what he feels, even though he knows that I won’t feel it that way, not at all.
I say yes I am ready (no!), I tell him he is not to run the needle through until I nod at him. He agrees, trust me, he says. I tell him I do (I do), but that doesn’t make me any less terrified.
I lick my lips and stick my tongue out and he puts the clamps on it, they hurt.
“Do they hurt?” he asks me. I nod and I watch him.
He looks at me, holds the needle steady just above my tongue, waits for me to nod at him. I try to psyche myself up, I talk to myself (come on, come ON, let’s GO!), I squirm, I panic, I start shaking my head (NO!). He quickly takes the clamps off my tongue. I laugh, shaking my head.
“I’m a chicken,” I say.
He laughs also. “Yes you are Ma’am.’
We talk a little, when I am ready we try again. This time I feel the needle start to penetrate my tongue before I panic and try to scream at him, my tongue held out by the clamp, eyes wide, I make some inhuman sound (Hnngggpppmmm!!!). He pulls back, I taste the iron ammonia of my own blood, the clamp comes off, I am shaking my head (hopeless!), he strokes my cheek. I am annoyed at myself, moving my tongue around in my mouth to feel it, it doesn’t hurt really, not yet.
We try again (and again and again!). We are both unwilling to give up, he is patient with me, I am not getting less scared.
About two hours later (!), the needle finally finally goes through my tongue, I scream at him as he pierces me. I feel him force it through the flesh, through delicate tastebuds, into the meat, I have the texture of my tongue in my head, imagine it moving of its own volition trying to get away, like a live creature in my mouth being violated, heavy, solid, there is considerable resistance, I feel the fibrous muscle give way as he pushes the needle through, it seems endless, this pushing through, I am struggling to keep still (come ON!), he fiddles about to get the jewellery in, I just want it to be over, I feel like I am growling at him (hurry the fuck UP!), he takes forever forever and finally he sits back, he looks at me, the endorphins make me float, my tongue feels foreign in my mouth, I touch him, he looks worried, he leans down to kiss my cheek, I hold him there close to me.