I was talking with a friend about representation of BDSMers and F/m in particular, and how important it is to see normal healthy F/m relationships, to see versions of ourselves, ‘people like us’, and how rare it really is.
In the F/m world, the only people who actively court publicity, who do marketing, who are quoted in the media, who show their faces openly, who make noise, are pro-Dommes and findoms. And marketing is inevitably the glam and the glitter and the roleplaying.
Everyone else pretty much keeps their heads below the vanilla-flavoured parapet and does their thing quietly and … Continue Reading “Everyday kinksters”
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Mx Nillin Fucks… Melons!… Continue Reading “e[lust] #110”
There are multiple reasons why I’m shit at casual. It’s not just one thing, but they all end up in the same shitpile.
I’m going to reiterate up-front that my inability to do casual is not the cougarling’s fault: He was, if anything, on the wrong side of my failed experiment, and that failure sits on my side.
The main issue is that I can’t work up passion for someone I’m not all that interested in.
With the cougarling, we got something going to a point in his previous visits because I was ‘doing the work’: I was doing emotional, … Continue Reading “Shit at casual”
I want to talk about wider lessons I learnt about trying something casual, but I’ll do that in another post.
One of the things, though, is this: If we aren’t compatible, I really need to not talk to him.
Because it breaks the tenuous hold on ‘whatever this is’ that we have established.
I knew it with holy-fuck-beautiful-eyes, and told him explicitly: ‘no talking’. It worked. But those were short visits of a few hours, not ‘an entire long weekend 24/7’.
Let me say this up-front: The cougarling is a lovely man, we were sweet and kind with … Continue Reading “Shhh, don’t talk”