I post a lot on Fetlife discussion forums.
Occasionally I look at comments I have written and think “I should blog about that”, and I
promptly forget about it file it away carefully. The ideas disappear into the ether because for it to be ‘a blog post’, I need to remember where the damn comment was, clean it up for ‘proper publication, put it in context, add enough personal bias to make it offensive, and THEN post it. I just never get around to it.
So, I’m going to try a little experiment where I shall just copy and paste topics and my comments from Fetlife here and see if that approach results in anything worthwhile.
On the plus side: More posts from me to entertain you!!
On the minus side: Random, poorly constructed blatherings thrown onto the page (I know, I have totally opened myself up for the smartarse comments here… bring it, you ungrateful hordes!!! *shakes fist wildly*).
So here’s the first:
Original Question from a Domme (paraphrased):
When I meet potential submissives, I ‘hold back’ my dominance. I treat it like a vanilla ‘getting to know you’ thing. I want to know, from subs and slaves if this approach is a bit too laid back for most of you? Do you prefer some sort of dominance from the beginning, or only after you know the person and have met for the first time?
My Response: (and yes, I know the question was for s-types… bite me!)
I have expectations that I will lay out early on, but it’s not ‘dominance’ as much as ‘here’s what I want and if you like that, great… if you dont, then we are not suited’ (I suspect some see that as ‘dominance’, so if that works, fine). If I am willing to meet a submissive, I already know enough about him to know there is ‘something’ there, so I will have played a little with it already before meeting in terms of expressing preferences and such and noting that he picks up on those and runs with it.
My dominance is, at its core, about attraction and passion. I don’t come at some guy I don’t even know like a bull at a gate in a sexual way when I don’t even know him, but it’s not ‘holding back’ as much as waiting until I feel like expressing myself in that way. To me, my dominance is an indication of sexual interest and there are any number of factors that drive that. In essence, my dominance in the initial stages is a form of flirting and I’m not flirting with some guy unless he hits my buttons just right.
Either I feel attraction and chemistry and get that thing (you know, the THING) that makes me shift in my seat and get itchy-restless and start watching his lips move when he talks before I go “RAAWWWRRR” and start to get all dommish on his arse because he is making my blood boil, or I don’t. The “RAAWWRRR” may start off as a slight hum, but if I feel it, I’m going there, it will come naturally and I read people well enough most of the time to know if he’s ‘getting’ what I put out and to pace it so that it works, I see that as relationship building vs holding back. If he responds to it in the right way, we are cooking! If he doesn’t, then my style doesn’t suit him and I am pretty much done.