PSA: Some dominants are arseholes

I hear it a lot when some self-identified dominant behaves like a jerk: “They aren’t dominant, they’re just an arsehole.”

It annoys the crap out of me.

Let me tell you a little secret. Come closer now…

The two aren’t mutually exclusive.

I know!! Shocker, right?!

Some dominants ARE arseholes. Also emotionally stunted, insensitive, selfish, rude, stupid, jerk-faced fuck ups.

You don’t get to to say that those people aren’t dominant as if dominance is a trait that magically erases any negative personal characteristics: It doesn’t.

There are good people in the world.

Some of those good people are dominant.

There are arseholes in the world.

Some of those arseholes are dominant.

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  1. *blinks* I don’t get it. Are you dominant or an arsehole?

    *smiles sweetly*

    I already know the answer of course. You’re a submissive little one who’s up past her bedtime and needs to be punished.

    Fin, who is currently playing the role of brat. It’s just where they day is leading me.

    1. *laugh* You’re not a submissive, you’re just a brat!

      I hope your bratty role gets you the response you so obviously desire :P.


      1. I’m a switch, thank you very much. Though. You know. I don’t know. I guess I’m not much of anything at the moment. I’ll get it all figured out. *hug* You’re twitter feed over there —> seems to be cranky. I hope the day turns around for you. :)

  2. An unfortunate part of the community is the “twue” movement. And the collective “we” doesn’t want to claim anyone who acts up or acts out so, they couldn’t possibly be part of the community. People forget that the community is made up of regular people with different serial proclivities. We’re not a bunch of special little pixies who are infallible. Some D-types are assholes. Some s-types are assholes too (though usually in a more passive aggressive manner).

    Thanks for the PSA, love.


    1. “And the collective “we” doesn’t want to claim anyone who acts up or acts out so, they couldn’t possibly be part of the community.”

      It *is* this, yes. And I get that people want to be super protective of ‘the community’ so don’t want BDSM to be associated with anyone (especially dominants) who aren’t upstanding, stellar, fine, and admirable human beings. But it’s a nonsense.

      And I find it annoying that people will quite happily (and rightly) say that ‘dominants are just people’ or ‘dominants aren’t perfect’, but in the SAME BREATH have no problem declaring any arsehole ‘not one of us’ as if that makes sense.

      “Some D-types are assholes. Some s-types are assholes too”

      Yep. Ditto any group.

      But it seems to me that it’s only dominants who get the ‘you are not a good person, therefore you aren’t a dominant’ thing as if they can’t possibly be both.


  3. When I read this I’m thinking a Venn diagram might really help! Or a stacked bar chart? Where is that data/chart/figure nerd of old?? :)

    Your logic does leave me thinking hard about different behaviors/definitions of arseholes and dominants and if they twuly could never ever be mutually exclusive. Then again I never took logic so I’ll simply wait till you explain it with a Venn diagram. :)

    1. Daka was paying attention and pointed out that my Venn diagram linked above made no sense. Eep! He was right. I mean, it was graph porn alright, but nonsensical porn!

      Here, fixed it!.


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