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Vulnerability as courage

Vulnerability is the core of shame and fear and our struggle for worthiness.
It’s also the birthplace of joy, of creativity, of belonging, of love.

– Brene Brown, Power of Vulnerability (TED talk)

I struggle with making myself vulnerable. It’s no secret.

I’ve talked about it before in different ways: With some depth here, and more recently here.

I feel vulnerable at times, of course, but I show it very selectively, with reluctance, and I don’t like how it feels. It’s hard for me. If you want to see what my vulnerability looks like, well, it looks like … Continue Reading

Loves: 14
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Dominance and vulnerability: A case study

After writing my previous post about vulnerability, I thought I’d follow up with an example of how it feels to me.

My boy and I had not been together all that long, I was at his place. It was about 10.30pm. It was winter, a foot or more of snow on the ground outside. I went to the toilet and used the last of the toilet paper on the roll. I looked around for more to put in holder, but didn’t want to go scrabbling around in his cupboards.

This is what happened next.

“Hey,” I said, and … Continue Reading

Loves: 19
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Dominance and vulnerability

Dominance makes me vulnerable for lots of reasons. I have talked about vulnerability previously, but I don’t think I have tackled it as it relates to my dominance before, probably because it’s so complex.

Dominance makes me feel vulnerable because I expose myself in it: I give of myself, I share secrets, I let him in to see who I really am, I offer him my control, I trust him to revel in it, I open my inner self up to judgement and rejection. It’s no different a vulnerability than anyone feels when they shed their outer shell and let … Continue Reading

Loves: 21
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A Domme’s vulnerability

After all the talk of the amazing openness and vulnerability that I wish for from my submissive, I’ve been considering posting something that shows me at my most vulnerable. It is scary, the showing, even though it doesn’t really matter because the actual terrifying part of doing it is already done, is over.

I rarely take emotional risks, and when I do, they are quiet risks, whispered into someone’s ear, tentatively put on the table for the taking, and this was a quiet risk also. It is the sharing that makes it noisy and loud; that gives me pause, though … Continue Reading

Loves: 3
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I want to bring it!

One of my past submissives was a professional writer, a poet, he had a beautiful way with words that I adored. His mind was a messy complexity of wild imagination, odd and loud, and full of pretty things, and he offered it up unfettered to me, revelling in my enjoyment of it. We would play with each other in that way, throwing words in each other’s faces, conjuring up a strange magic that would floor me every time.

I once pointed him to some writing that I liked.

“Here’s something you might enjoy,” I said innocently.

He curled his nose … Continue Reading

Loves: 18
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Reader Q&A: Femdom Podcast #112 [Audio]

This fulsome femdom podcast Q&A includes the following:

  • NEW PROJECT ANNOUNCEMENT: I’m creating Femdom audio erotica!
  • Partner wants me to be ‘more dominant’
  • Do you have advice for your younger self?
  • How to introduce group CFNM play to my dominant
  • Do you have a favourite type of nipple clamp?
  • Facing ruined co-habitation LDR plans because of Covid-19
  • How to switch in the moment, any suggestions?
  • Dealing with his performance anxiety
  • Giving/receiving rimming: Yay or nay?
  • And more!

The Domme Chronicles podcast is available on iTunes and Spotify: Subscribe if you want to be sure to get my audio … Continue Reading

Loves: 3
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‘Why BDSM?’ elevator pitch

In case you’re not familiar with the term ‘elevator pitch’, it’s “a short description of an idea, product or company that explains the concept in a way such that any listener can understand it in a short period of time.”

The way it was presented to me in the corporate world was ‘imagine you’re in an elevator with someone you want to explain your product/concept to before the lift reaches their floor and the doors open’.

One sentence, maybe two. It’s only the start of a conversation but that start has to resonate.

If you can’t explain it … Continue Reading

Loves: 15
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George Clooney said I looked like Geena Davis, then we kissed

The next episode of ‘Femdom does vanilla dating’…

When I popped back onto the vanilla dating site, I clicked a few things and lo and behold if I didn’t see pictures of two beautiful local men. One was a reminiscent of Anderson Cooper, and the other had a whole ‘George Clooney-esque’ vibe going on. They each had smart, thoughtful profiles.

Well, hellloooo…

I messaged them both.

Anderson Cooper was a cold call, and we were really not that compatible (our match percentage was high, but he’d answered very few questions, and had ‘Catholicism’ listed as important to him, so that … Continue Reading

Loves: 30
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My Gentleman: Part III

© 'Date #4' by and of Ferns

Our last date was a week and a half ago. I wanted to talk about his email, to see if we could shake something loose to take us forward.

We’d had trouble lining up a time for our date, partly him, partly me, and he rescheduled the day before we were to meet. I was soon to find out why that was *cue dramatic music*.

This was the most dates I’ve been on with anyone for a million years (though arguably, having multiple-days-at-a-time of a visiting submissive with the requisite compressed ‘dating’ timeline is comparable, it doesn’t really … Continue Reading

Loves: 33
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Vanilla date #2: Hot Older Man

The Hot Older Man is some ten years older than me, I initiated contact with him because I liked his active photos and big wide happy smile. We had a very high match percentage which tends to mean our values align. Among other things, he’s a high level martial artist, an instructor, so very lean and fit.

I’m not sure what to say about the date.

He’s not as attractive in person as his photos showed: He looks older, more tired, smaller. He had 6’1 on his profile, and he probably is, but he’s so lean that he seems delicate, … Continue Reading

Loves: 16
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