This from r/FemdomCommunity (edited).
Fellow dommes, how do you reconcile the need for dominance and power with the need for support and love in a relationship?
I’m fairly new to BDSM and have never experienced it in a relationship of any kind. I’ve had relationships, and I’ve played plenty, but never with the same people. I know others do it all the time, but in my mind I can’t envison how it’s possible…
Also, I as a domme, feel incredibly aroused by a man believing that I am the most badass, sucessful, beautiful, independent, confident woman around. Submissive men like this as well, and would probably prefer women who fulfill these categories. In a play relationship I speak confidently and assertively to showcase that side of myself. In real life, I can get insecure, I have sad moments and lots of times when I’m not actually that cool. In a relationship, I need someone who can talk me down from an anxiety attack, or make me feel better when I’m down, or just make me feel like I’m not alone. I don’t know if a submissive man would be glad to do any of those things if it meant the image of the goddess he was worshiping was shattered.
I’m not sure if I’m doing something wrong, or have the wrong mindset, but I don’t know how I can reconcile my intense fetish for femdom with a genuine desire for companionship with someone who loves me for being a flawed person. I know polyamory is a thing, but that’s a whole other can of worms and I don’t want to get into that unless absolutely necessary…
Any dommes out there who have figured this out? How did you go about it?
When someone genuinely likes you and loves you and thinks you’re all that, you don’t have to pretend to be “the most badass, sucessful, beautiful, independent, confident woman around”.
In his eyes, you WILL be. He will believe it and you will believe it and every loving fabulous wonderful sweet interaction you have will reinforce that feeling.
And he will believe it even if you have anxiety, pimples, if you cry because someone hurt you, if you act like an idiot, if you do something dumb, ALL THE HUMAN THINGS that people do.
When I say he will believe it, I don’t mean that he will believe it like some fantasy boy believes that of you now. I mean that when he looks at you he will feel love and that’s what love brings with it. He will love your flaws and humanity and sweetness and cuteness and wrongness in all the ways.
In the same way, you will look at him and think he’s the most beautiful thing you’ve ever been lucky enough to have in your life.
And when you play, it’s ratcheting up the D/s stuff to 11 and it will have all the more power because he knows you and loves you and there is incredible freedom in that.
And if you don’t feel any of that yet (or maybe, don’t think you can or will), that’s okay. You’re young, you will grow into yourself (as a person, as a Domme, as a lover, as the awesome that you are) with experience and with these play relationships: no hurry.