Birthday Nude: Touching

My dedication to the time-honoured tradition of the birthday nude is unparalleled. The camera on my phone is no longer working and I’m in the middle of move-planning, and yet here I am in all my naked glory.

Happy birthday to me!

For my birthday, you can say lovely things to me so I feel fabulous about being another year older. Or at least click the little ‘likes’ star, come on now.

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Happy femdom story: Ama

I received this lovely story from a Spanish dominant who took five years to find her submissive. I can very much relate to the idea that she is the rational side of the relationship and he is the heart, I think that’s how it works for me also.

I’m always so delighted when I can share a happy femdom story *smile*.

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Author: Ama

I started reading you a few years ago. I like your point of view and I think we have a similar concept of positive femdom. Recently I met my submissive man and I wanted to share the good news with you.

It was a hard journey for me until I found him. I have a blog too, AmaBuscaSumisoVerdadero (Domme seeks true submissive) and after five years of disappointments I can say he’s the right one for me.

He lives in my same city and found my blog searching for a Domme. He wrote me a polite message, not very different from others I must say, but I’m glad I didn’t reject him for his lack of writing skills. We started exchanging messages, and we both agreed we needed personal connection as well as femdom chemistry for a relationship of this kind to work.

I’m more experienced than him and I think that’s a perfect match. He has all the illusion and energy to make everything right and I feel ready to take things at a right rhythm. I put the brain and he puts the heart, though I’m very passionate too and he’s also very rational. But as a femdom couple, I think that’s how we work together.

We met in person some weeks after his first message and since then everything has run quite smoothly. We took one step after another and our story is simple and amazing at the same time. I mean, when he came into my life I was about to stop searching for my unicorn.

But then, it was as easy as two compatible persons wanting to share their lives. And that’s what we’ve been doing since then.

What I like most about him is his attitude: He’s not perfect but he always tries to do everything the best he can and improve constantly.

He’s a very talented person and I feel happy he wants to surrender to me. I want him to become his best version for me. And at the same time he wants to surrender to me because he admires me. Our relationship is based on respect, affection, passion, humor and mutual admiration.

I’m his guiding star and he’s my most precious possession.

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This post is part of an ongoing project to share positive happy femdom relationship stories. If you have a story that you are willing to share, I’d love to host it. Please check out my call out post for details and send it on to me.

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e[lust] #96

Welcome to Elust 96

The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it’ll be here at Elust. Want to be included in Elust #96 Start with the rules, come back August 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

 

~ This Month’s Top Three Posts ~

The Loop

Yellow Cab Service

Pammy Corrigan Gets Her Wish

~ Featured Post (Molly’s Picks) ~

Luring Him Back

Date Night

~Readers Choice from Sexbytes ~

International Chocolate Day 2017 (it was fucking brill)

 

*You really should consider adding your popular posts here too*
All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!

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Online dating update

I wish I could regale you with fun-hot adventure stories about all the dating successes I’ve been having while not writing about it. Or gush about the fabulous submissive man who has me all a-flutter.

But the round-up is kind of same-sameish. I’m sharing it less because it’s interesting, and more because this is what reality looks like.

I sent cold-call emails on a BDSM site to two submissive men who looked interesting. They seemed thoughtful, had sweet-clever profiles, tall, age-appropriate. They both replied, were very polite, both said ‘no thanks’.

They both [said that they] felt that they didn’t meet my criteria, which may or may not be true. They might have thought I was weird/hideous/awful, but that’s not the sort of thing that polite mature people say along with a ‘no’, and I appreciate that. I don’t link to my blog on that site (that really IS ‘too much’ of me), but my profile hasn’t changed much from this old one, so you can get an idea what they were reacting to.

I suspect one of them wanted to be convinced that he did meet my criteria, mentioning two things in particular about him that he thought should exclude him (to me, they didn’t), but in truth, if someone thinks they aren’t a good match, if they aren’t all ‘hell yes!’ about talking to me and exploring the possibilities, then it IS a no. I’m not interested in taking on the role of coaxing a reluctant/shy/unsure/insecure person into talking to me. Unbridled hopeful enthusiasm or GTFO.

I also messaged a man on a vanilla site where my profile was empty, no pictures (I had just joined and was looking around). He was 6’7, beautiful photos, ex pro-basketballer. He replied with a lovely enthusiasm (‘wow, thank you so much!’). He gave me his phone number straight away, but I never give mine out to strangers, so we exchanged a few emails where I was chatty and sent him links to photos. In the meantime I googled him (always easy when they are unique enough: Don’t pretend you don’t do that!) where there were a lot of recent, more realistic photos (his former-pro profiles had him at 6’9! Oh my!), and family photos (6 kids, 5 still young… yikes!).

In our exchange of emails he didn’t answer any of my questions (‘how many kids’ was one since he mentioned them in his profile) and he struggled to click on the link to my photos (what? how?! the link worked, I had a friend check). The emails devolved to me trying to have a conversation and him replying with various versions of ‘still can’t get the photos’ without any actual responses or conversation. With him being vanilla, with so many young kids, with the refusal to answer basic questions, and the baffling inability to *click a link* FFS, I figured it wasn’t a happening thing, so I told him ‘never mind, best of luck’ and backed out.

I have had a few submissives sneak in and message me when I unhid my profile to show men I had contacted: A couple of them seemed pleasant enough and definitely a cut above, but they weren’t local and it was clear to me that they weren’t looking for a long term relationship, so I thanked them and declined to pursue it.

Of other emails that have landed in my inbox recently from submissives (other than the ‘how r u’ and the ‘r u lookin 4 a slave’ throwaways), the main quality I seem to be attracting is liars, with the only redeeming feature being that they are REALLY BAD AT IT. So yay for the latter, I guess. When called on it, they follow up with more totally transparent lies. Which is kind of funny and sad and ultimately demoralising.

So yeah, that’s where I am on the (non)dating front. Anyone else having better luck out there?

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Top Ten Tips For Finding A Dominant Woman

Copyright How To Find A Dominant Woman‘ by Sharyn Ferns, Cover art by Submissive Guy Comics

I talked about my book already, but I thought I’d share some highlights.

Firstly, I have to say that finding a partner is hard. Finding an F/m partner is even harder. It just is. Not just for submissive men, but for dominant women also, I should know (feel like I should start singing ‘Single Ladies’ now…).

Trust me, fabulous submissive men, we WANT to find you.

But in my experience, some submissive men who have the potential to be amazing partners get in their own way when it comes to finding, attracting, and approaching dominant women.

Sometimes it’s inexperience, sometimes it’s fear, sometimes it’s an overall misunderstanding of the social environment. And sometimes it’s a combination of a whole bunch of things.

It’s not surprising, really. There is a LOT of information (and mis-information) out there, and the stock standard response to broad questions like ‘how do I find a dominant woman’ can end up being ‘everyone is different’ and ‘there is no answer’. Which might be true enough in a broad sense, but it leaves those who ask floundering.

So, my top ten tips:

  1. Create an awesome online profile
    This is important and relevant even if you are meeting people out in the community: they will ask for your online Fetlife profile to friend you. If you don’t know how to create a good one, here: ‘How to Write an Awesome Online Profile’ (yes yes, I did just spruik my own book here while talking about my OTHER book, I’m doubling down, baby…)
  2. Educate yourself
    Expecting your potential partner to spoon feed you information about BDSM, D/s, or F/m is laying a lot of emotional labour on someone. If you are new, no-one expects you to know everything, not at all, but make an effort to at least learn concepts and terminology outside of what you’ve seen in porn.
  3. Be clear and honest (with yourself and with others)
    If you don’t know what you want, at least work out broad strokes (see 2 above, consider it part of your education). What you want is likely to change over time, but having an idea is vital. Above all don’t pretend to want or to be what someone else wants just to get their time and attention: it’s dishonest and hurtful.
  4. Internalise the fact that dominant women are just people
    They aren’t an alien species that live in some rarified environment of domliness. They are just normal folks like you and me. Don’t forget that.
  5. Hone your vanilla social skills
    Related to 4. above: You have probably interacted with dominant women out the world without knowing it. I expect you were polite and pleasant and not-too-weirdly-domstruck. Bring those skills into play.
  6. Go where the dominant women are
    Whether it’s online, in the BDSM community, or even in vanilla spaces, go into those spaces. If you stay quiet and never take the risk to put yourself out there, you will never have any positive results.
  7. Determine compatibility
    Online, figure out if you’re compatible before you contact someone. If she’s looking for X and you are Y, don’t contact her: You aren’t the exception. Obviously in face-to-face situations, you have to just talk to people old-school style, make friends, see what’s what.
  8. When you approach, be interesting and interested
    The bar is low. So fucking low it’s not even funny. Dominant women are bombarded with dross (‘hey’, ‘how r u’ are examples of the polite version of dross). Do better, be better. Trust me, it’s not hard.
  9. Be YOU
    A dominant woman who is a good fit for you has to see you, for real. Not some pretend-supersubly version of you. So don’t be afraid to be the geeky, nerdy, extroverted, shy, smart, opinionated, sarcastic, hilarious, something-something person that makes up ‘who you are’. You aren’t going to be a match for every dominant woman: You have to find the one who fits the particular awesome that makes you, you.
  10. Get my book ‘How To Find A Dominant Woman’ :P
    For useful, actionable, no-nonsense help and examples on how to do all of the above and more, go and grab my book, ‘How To Find A Dominant Woman’: It will give you a running start.

 

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How To Find A Dominant Woman

Copyright How To Find A Dominant Woman‘ by Sharyn Ferns, Cover art by Submissive Guy Comics

Some version of ‘how do I find a dominant woman?’ is the most commonly asked question I see from submissive men both in my personal Q&A and on F/m internet forums.

Information and advice abounds on the topic: The main difficulty for someone trying to get help, though, is that it’s mostly in little snippets in random places with varying degrees of usefulness, so an actual cohesive answer to ‘yes, but what do I do?!’ is harder to find than you would think.

So here it is: THE answer* for any submissive men who are wanting a bit of help to put their best foot forward.

This guide for submissive men is short, sharp, and practical. Where to go, what to do, what NOT to do, how to give yourself the best possible chance to find your happy ever after. Or, at least, to make a start without inadvertently getting in your own way.

  • Things to know before you start
  • Places to meet dominant women
  • How to figure out if you’re compatible
  • How to approach dominant women
  • Five steps for writing a great introductory email
  • Examples of introductory emails that worked
  • Warning: How to spot online scammers

If you think it sounds useful for you or for a friend, please go grab it.

If you find it helpful, I’d really appreciate a review on Amazon: As an independent author, reviews are really valuable (you can change your display name if you don’t want a real name on the review).

Little squee: I already have one five star review *happies*!!

ETA: Bigger squee! Did I say one five star review? I meant two! TWO!! *bounce*. The second by the smart and thoughtful JT Revner who writes over on his Sex & Slavery blog.

*No ‘one true way’ implied, no guarantees for the ‘happily ever after’, the judges decision is final, no correspondence will be entered into etc etc. All legal recourse to be directed to my lawyer who might be busy with all the Sydney University lawsuits, but will give your complaint the attention it deserves in due course, kthxbai.

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The beauty of submissive men [Repost]

In 2012, I asked for photos showing the beauty of submissive men in all their many and varied forms.

My goal was to gather these anonymous photos and produce something beautiful with them, something that shows the glorious diversity and beauty of submissive men, all stunningly different and unique.

I received over a hundred different kinds of photos and I used them to create this tribute: I thought it was worth reposting.

Submissive men: A celebration of beauty.

[arve url=”https://www.dropbox.com/s/8v0ilpsqj2ct6bd/Beauty%20of%20submissive%20men.mp4″]

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