posted by Ferns on about me, toys

When I wrote about strap-on harnesses (yeah, like anyone forgot, cock perves!), I took out my toybox (which I *wish* was a fabulous old trunk that sat mysteriously at the end of my bed all sexy-like, but is actually a Samsonite lockable suitcase in bright orange that I hide under the bed) so that I could check the construction of one of my harnesses to answer a commenter’s post.

The suitcase has since been sitting in the middle of my bedroom floor because I am lazy, and I have managed to smash both my big and little toes into it while stumbling around in the dark, having completely forgotten it was there… twice.

Given the trauma and pain, the only way to make the experience worthwhile is to use the opportunity to do a toy inventory, because my poor memory means that I have no idea what is gathering dust in there (okay, in a locked suitcase it doesn’t really gather dust, but metaphorically, those toys are like dusty old bones that some archaeologist found on a dig in central Siberia…).

So here it is in random order (yes, yes I could order it in some orderly fashion like an order obsessed control freak, but I’m not, so I didn’t, okay?! Though I might. Later. If it bugs me enough. It’s bugging me already. If it’s in some sort of order by the time you read this, I gave in to this impulse to make order out of chaos, but I tried to resist… I did…!):

Njoy steel pure wand (possibly the most beautiful (and heavy!) sex toy EVER)
Lelo Ella
Don Wand glass dildo with shimmery helix (oh god, so pretty!)
Don Wand glass helix dildo with handle
Don Wand blue bubble glass dildo
Tantus strap-on harness
Sportsheets Bare as You Dare strap-on harness
Doc Johnson black butt plugs (one small, one medium)
Practice golf balls (don’t judge me!)
The Swatter electronic insect terminator
Latex-free disposable gloves
Blindfolds (many: cheap airline issue to expensive mask-type)
Box of 100 21g needles
Various one-pack 21g, 25g needles
Syringes
Cannula
Sterile swabs
Ping pong paddles (you know, just in case we want a quick game!)
Really scary huge all-in-one vibrating harness/strap-on bought on the recommendation of a reader (who never mentioned how frigging huge this thing is!)
Cute little pink butt plug (should have a pig’s tail on it!)
Tantus ripple (small) in gold
Crystal-looking ball gag
Small 5′ vibrator in purple
Tube of Deep Heat
Wartenberg wheel
Clover clamps
Tantus dildo, medium in purple
Cuffs, leather, for wrist and ankle
Collars, leather and nylon
Leashes, metal and nylon
Clips
Condoms
Lube

While I am here… also hanging up behind my bedroom door:

Bullwhip
Carpet beater
Leather flogger
A small bread board
Crop
White nylon rope flogger
Olive nylon rope flogger
Large round shoelace flogger (not this one, but close enough)
Studded leather strap (not really like this, but while I’m a link whore, I am also lazy so this will have to do)
Barbed wire and suede flogger in tan
Very light suede flogger in red
Evil carbon fibre thin mean smacky caney thing
Small and most evil plastic flogger with nodules along the tails (okay, I am giving up on finding pictures of these things now and I am too lazy to make my own pictures…)
3 rattan canes of different widths and flex
Heavier suede flogger
Small sharp stingy flogger
Short length hemp rope
Various lengths and sizes of nylon rope

Phew!

Tired now. Nap time.

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