Heart stabbing

‘Stabbed Heart’ by Hersson Piratoba

I have a theory about how a lot of us deal with relationships that we know aren’t working, or that won’t work, can’t work.

When we feel connected to someone, not even ‘in love’ (though love makes it worse), just… connected somehow, we hang on even when we know we shouldn’t.

Maybe it’s a long term relationship that is well past it’s expiration date. Maybe it’s the flare of a hopeless crush. Maybe it’s the …

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“No man will ever have this…”

When I was a lesbian, one of the things that turned me on, wildly and stupidly, was the thought that ‘no man will ever have this…’

When we tangled up together, all long limbs and smooth skin, when I traced her amazing breasts, when she thrust her cunt into my mouth, when she reached to kiss me, when she showed off her perfect body, when she writhed with pleasure, when she made that ‘ohhh’ …

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How far away is ‘too far’?

For me, distance is a practical problem: A logistical and financial hurdle for a relationship, not a show stopper.

The must-have for it to grow, though, is communication that works extraordinarily well from afar. And by that I don’t mean ‘being able to string articulate sentences together’, I mean ‘being able to reach out in a way that fires me up, that punches my heart with its power’. And vice versa. That’s a big call, …

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The other day…

The other day, I wrote about you, quiet words just for me. My journal is heavy with the weight of thousands upon thousands of quiet words. And loud words. And sweet ones. Angry ones. Violent ones. Broken ones.

I couldn’t remember your name.

It was a shock. A physical shock. I felt it in the pit of my stomach. A kind of panic.

I was still for a few moments, probing around the inside of …

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Emotion-building

I think sometimes that I am not built for emotions.

I either feel nothing, or I feel too much.

Mostly it’s nothing. That’s the truth.

I have joked before that I’m ‘dead inside’. I don’t know why I would make that joke. It’s not even remotely funny.

But then I can also be overwhelmed by emotional input. And honestly, it’s mostly people throwing their emotions at me: Fear, desire, heartache, insecurity, loathing, lust, anger, hurt, …

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Scaling the wall

When I talk with lovely submissive men, the ones who have wonderful qualities, the ones who I should fit with because they are perfect on paper, I want to tell them how to scale my walls.

If you’ve ever been into rock climbing you know exactly what I mean.

“No, up, the hand hold is there on your left, above your head. Yes THERE. And there’s a foot hold on that small ledge there, about …

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Dominant roots

A question on Fetlife:

Is your dominance shaped by a reaction against anything?

The answer to this is complicated. I think we all look back into our past for confirmation of ‘who we are’, so there is a lot of bias in that kind of hindsight.

Sexually I vividly remember rape play with barbie and ken dolls (my sister was horrified and never let me play with hers again), and finding a deliciously dirty non-con …

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