Non-monogamy and me

Peroxide over at Submissive in Seattle wrote an introspective post about polyamory for the mono-amorous where he talks about what it was like to be in a poly relationship when he’s mono-amorous. Short version: it’s tough. Long version: go read it. I’ve been meaning to write something about non-monogamy (really, non-monoamory, but god, what an awkward word!) for a while. […]

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Weekend with my First

We met at my gym. Me waiting impatiently. My First driving in from the airport. We were both smiling as he walked in, a big hug hello, a kiss on the lips (did I go for the cheek? I can’t remember, but already I felt how soft his mouth was, how his touch lingered just a microsecond too long). […]

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Goodnight kiss

“It’s late,” I said. An obvious ‘end of the evening’ type fact: It was 1am. He nodded agreement, got up from the couch. We wandered over to the door. I smiled, thanked him for the wonderful dinner.  I stood a little taller than him in my heels. We were essentially eye-to-eye, standing a little too close. A slight hesitance, […]

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Weekend with my First, by my First

My First just left a comment about our weekend on my last post about it.  Since a) I know how much I love it when I get to hear both sides of a story and b) it’s so lovely and c) I haven’t written anything about it (yet), I’m posting his comment here. A glimpse, as fascinating to me as to anyone else. ___ There may be some people wondering how this weekend turned out. […]

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Putting the past to bed

My First arrives today. This morning he said he got up to this song. Unbeknownst to me, it’s one that he has associated with me for a long long time.    The first time I heard that song was when my last submissive sent it to me. Similarly (and in a weird coincidence), he also saw me, and us, […]

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A date with my First

Next weekend my First is flying in to spend the weekend.  He’s arriving on Saturday morning, staying nearby overnight, and heading off Sunday. He’s hired a car, so there’ll be no picking him up at the airport in fabulous heels and doing that squinty-confused face where I’m terrified I won’t recognise him.  In fact, we’re meeting at my gym (not kidding!). […]

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If I knew then… (alt: on being a bitch)

Hi Ferns.  I have been spellbound by your relationship with your first. One because you have talked about it so b’fully and secondly because despite being deeply submissive I can be the the kind of person who would not give his mistress the shirt he was about to throw away.  Having aspergers I have considerable difficulty understanding people’s intentions and having been emotionally manipulated and bullied as a child I can be quite suspicious. […]

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Something between us

There is something between us. He felt it early on, some pull towards me, ghosts of our D/s relationship tugging at something in him. You still have a hold over me. How? Why? I hate it. Is there something about submitting to a person that can never be undone? He has never submitted to anyone else, so it makes sense that as he has unravelled past hurts and the idea of submission comes tentatively floating back, […]

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On not feeling loved

I’ve written about the things I screwed up in my relationship with my First and touched on how I didn’t feel loved.  One of the things that I learnt from that relationship is that submissive behaviours can obscure traits that I would have seen a mile off in a vanilla man, but didn’t yet have the experience to see in a submissive. […]

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Short circuiting

My First: Are you sure the wine and yourself haven’t made each other’s acquaintance tonight? Me: Shush! First: Yes Ma’am Me: …  …  …  jfdjlgjlkbalkjfdjkl;fj  *laugh* First: That’s the first thing you’ve instructed me to do since we moved apart Me: I was thinking VERY IMPORTANT THINGS! Stop short circuiting me! First: Sorry Ma’am Me: Bzzzttttt … Seriously, I can’t put a coherent thought together now. […]

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