On not feeling loved

I’ve written about the things I screwed up in my relationship with my First and touched on how I didn’t feel loved.  One of the things that I learnt from that relationship is that submissive behaviours can obscure traits that I would have seen a mile off in a vanilla man, but didn’t yet have the experience to see in a submissive. […]

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Short circuiting

My First: Are you sure the wine and yourself haven’t made each other’s acquaintance tonight? Me: Shush! First: Yes Ma’am Me: …  …  …  jfdjlgjlkbalkjfdjkl;fj  *laugh* First: That’s the first thing you’ve instructed me to do since we moved apart Me: I was thinking VERY IMPORTANT THINGS! Stop short circuiting me! First: Sorry Ma’am Me: Bzzzttttt … Seriously, I can’t put a coherent thought together now. […]

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First meeting and onwards

My First and I met in a BDSM chat room, on IRC. I can’t remember the details. What I remember is that we were attracted to each other, got chatting, emailing, talking, we exchanged photos. There was definitely something there. He was some 6 years younger at 25, lived about 900kms away, had just finished his masters. […]

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Past-me

I found a copy of my old hand-coded blog from the time my First and I were in our relationship. I wonder if there was a private journal also, but I haven’t taken the time to really look for it. My blog at the time was also BDSM-focussed (oh, what a surprise!), documenting my early explorations and relationships, […]

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Showing off

I like it when he shows off for me. In the beginning, when he doesn’t know me so well, it happens inadvertently. And I love that. It’s a huge compatibility marker for me. When he unconsciously says something in a particular way, moves just like ‘that’, gives me a look, does something that hits me like a freight train and I’m left reeling. […]

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