All ‘femdom relationships’ category posts

Happy femdom: Dani

Dec
2012
02

posted by on femdom relationships, happy femdom

This fabulous email landed in my inbox a while ago, and it was such a fascinating, wonderful story of discovery and evolution that I really wanted to share it. So with permission, here is Dani’s story.

Author: Dani

I just wanted to tell you thanks for having such an awesome, n00b-friendly blog and thanks for doing the submissive men images video.

The very condensed version of my story is this: A little less than a month ago I was surfing around with my boyfriend of 5 years, on Amazon, looking at vibrators or something. Down at the bottom, there was a link to all sorts of “Customers who bought this also like …” and we were laughing at the other stuff that came up — floggers, hoods, ball gags, pony butt plugs, and “ridiculous” stuff that freaks enjoy. Hey, it takes all kinds, right?

And then I saw it — the answer to my being chronically sexually unfulfilled in this and every other relationship; the cure for my guy’s utter inability to lift a finger around the house, ever — it was a chastity device. I didn’t even know such things existed outside of oddity museums. I just immediately KNEW what needed to happen and that I was never going to be happy in a relationship without it.

I knew our lives were going to change immediately and that my life could go from “kinda shitty” to amazing — what I didn’t know is exactly how I could accomplish it! The next few days passed in a blur as I explained to him what I wanted and that it was going to start right now. To his credit, while he initially thought I was kidding and that the idea sounded horrible, he went along with it even though he had no idea how to do it. In the outside world, he’s very masculine, very competitive, a natural leader, etc. so he ended up challenging me and “not doing it right” a great deal for the first few days, and I had no clue how to “force” it to happen.

We went to a store and picked up a CB-6000. Meanwhile I did a ton of research and came up with very little information other than (surprisingly) it is almost always the MEN who seek out this type of arrangement, that typically it’s the man trying desperately to convince the woman to do this, and that most of the stuff online is far more porn-y and man-centric than educational. While it was encouraging to know that if it didn’t work out with my guy I’d have no shortage of replacements, I wanted him and no other.

I found very little (basically nothing in the first couple of weeks) in the way of how to “correctly” introduce this sort of thing to your man, and how to be a dominant woman when you’ve basically been a doormat your whole life. I realized I had always been dominant at the beginning of relationships when everything was wonderful, and that this is how I was happiest. But I had no idea how to keep that role, other than through violence (whips and chains, yikes!)

I’ve always had an open mind, but this stuff has never interested me before — BDSM was something that “weirdos” did, and while I think people should let their freak flags fly, they’re still freaks! :) I realize now that, in the past, the idea of doing “light” BDSM (felt/velcro handcuffs and such) felt totally stupid to me because I wasn’t really in charge — but now I really could be, and it thrilled and terrified me. This is an extreme analogy, but it was like discovering that I was a lesbian, and I had always been a lesbian, and my boyfriend had better get with the program and get a sex change for me or our relationship was over. How could I ask that? How could I, a very introspective person, have not known how completely kinky I was?

I felt miserable because this is the sort of thing that should be disclosed VERY EARLY ON in a relationship, not 5 years in. What kind of asshole could suddenly demand and expect total servitude from a man? I just knew that wanting this was wrecking my relationship with the man I loved, and I didn’t know how to do anything else because I NEEDED THIS AND HAD TO HAVE IT.

And then I saw your “submissive men, you are beautiful” video. (I saw the NSFW version). I watched it about 30 times, mostly because I loved the music, but the images interested, titillated, and terrified me. Would I have to do this sort of thing to my beloved? Wasn’t that horrifically cruel and degrading? But these very artistically-photographed beautiful men were FAR from unhappy — they had the most “blissed-out” expressions I’d ever seen. The knots in the ropes were so intricate! The beatings must have been so intense to leave those marks!

I just kept looking and processing what I was seeing. I showed it to my guy and we discussed everything at length. While he didn’t enjoy the male nudity, he did agree that they looked super happy and promised to give the new situation an honest try. Skipping the details about how I came up with the new rules and how he responded to each new thing, and skipping the personal details about how our sex life is now mind-bendingly awesome, if we fast forward from a month ago to now, we are now the most intensely happy couple that ever drew a breath of air. We are both more productive, more confident.

I feel like I am finally just being myself — instead of a pattern of a short courtship phase being replaced by my waiting on a man hand and foot, trying to think of anything I could do to please him, throwing myself at him sexually, hoping he would find me worthy to love, I am finally being loved and respected and fulfilled in a way that I have never even come close to before.

And my guy is so happy; he showers me with affection, flirts with me, and tells me all the time that he loves me so so much and wants me desperately. These days he thinks of my pleasure first and constantly thinks of ways to please me. I am helping him to be more successful socially and at work, and our home is becoming a peaceful oasis — albeit, an oasis with an awesome dungeon in it. We are becoming fitter and taking better care of our bodies. I feel like I was BORN to do this, and it just feels like everything is right in the universe.

It certainly wasn’t solely because of your video, but your video really helped me to realize that what I wanted was OK, and that lots of people do this in lots of various ways, and that whatever way I chose would be the right way. (There is no “right” way, only MY way!). And people who think it’s scary or weird just don’t understand it, and that’s OK too — maybe they’ll get it one day like I did, and maybe they won’t.

This sort of information is really important for someone who is just discovering a entirely new and different aspect of their personality and sexuality that is so huge and life-changing! If you want to do another video in the future, I will send you some photos of my beautiful man.

Anyway, thanks for having such a softly written, informative, personality-infused blog that isn’t pornography designed around a man’s wishes, like so much of what I found in the early days. I was very scared and worried then, so your video was incredibly helpful for my mental state at the time. So, thanks :)

___

This post is part of a project to share happy, positive femdom relationship stories.  If you have a story and are willing to share it, please email it to me (ferns AT domme-chronicles DOT com).

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posted by on femdom relationships, happy femdom

I started following Unspeakable Axe’s blog years ago. A submissive man from the country who had moved to New York City and who was going through the ups and downs of finding a dominant partner. It was fascinating in the way that these stories always are, and Axe’s writing is funny and compelling and each time something promising didn’t pan out, I was disappointed for him. Why was no-one fabulous grabbing him?!! Baffling.

Then things changed for him. And I nudged him for his story. So here it is, the happy-making.

Author: Axe

It was very early on in our relationship.

I wasn’t owned by her yet but we’d see one another several times per week. I would come over and clean for her, she’d ring the bell next to her bed and I’d make her come with my mouth and she’d either tease me or send me back to work.

I found out later that she had thought of having me over once a week to clean and nothing more but she eventually found reasons for me to come over more often. I knew she liked me but I didn’t have a clue how much nor did I have any expectations. I had been burned so many times in the past that I was jaded enough to just go along with whatever she wanted and not get my hopes up.

Then things became much more passionate. I remember when she first kissed me, how I felt an electricity run though me, how nervous I was and how relieved I was when she told me I was a good kisser. Things ramped up from there. She would kiss me and tease me so hard occasionally sending me home almost doubled-over with desire and ache.

She would randomly touch me just to make me hard, stroke me just enough to make me want it then stop. The teasing and denial turned into forcing me to orgasm either by making me jerk off for her while she took the occasional photos or by teasing me to tears only to make me come harder than I ever had.

I so badly wanted to be inside her and I thought I’d have my chance soon after my STD tests came back clean but she just amped up the teasing. She would grind her body on top of me for a while only to sit on my face. I wasn’t complaining of course but fuck did I want her so badly.

Eventually things were so intense that we could barley be in the same room with one another without some kind of sexual interaction.

One night her best friend from New Jersey was staying over because she had to get up early to work in Manhattan the next morning. Sade still wanted me to spend the night however and told me I’d be sleeping on the floor at the foot of her bed while she and her friend slept in her bed.

I remember laying on the hardwood floor, wanting to kiss her and taste her but not wanting to be needy. I had been too needy in the past and I didn’t want to make the same error. The lights were off and out of the corner of my eye I saw Sade’s foot appear just barely over the edge of the bed. I wanted to touch her so much but didn’t want to disturb her or her friend (who as it turns out was already fast asleep). The need to feel her skin won over and I gently placed my hand on her foot. It felt so good to touch her.

My hand lay there for only a few seconds before her foot pulled away and seconds later Sade quietly pounced on top of me at the foot of the bed, kissing me deeply and grinding on top of me occasionally putting her hand over my mouth to quiet the moans coming out of me.

Things were going so well, part of me was expecting it to end as all things had in the past. Maybe that was why I didn’t make the same mistakes I did before like being too eager. Or maybe there was something about her that calms me while exciting me at the same time.

A few days later we were standing out on her fire escape having a cigarette. I can’t remember what we were doing just before that. Maybe we were watching MST3K, maybe we were naked in her bed or maybe we had just come home from a kink event. I do remember she was looking at me with an expression of desire I had never seen before.

“I so fucking want to own your ass.”

I was speechless.

“You want me to own you don’t you?”

“Yes please”

She grabbed me and kissed me..hard.

“You want me to own that cock too?”

She grabbed my crotch and squeezed.

“Yes please”

Seconds later I had her collar on my neck.

Minute later we were back in her bed.

Months later we moved in together.

Many months later she said “yes” when I asked her to marry me.

___

This post is part of a project to share happy, positive femdom relationship stories.  If you have a story and are willing to share it, please email it to me (ferns AT domme-chronicles DOT com).

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posted by on femdom relationships, musing

HugsTwo of my fabulous male submissive friends are exploring new relationships. Yay!!

Why am I posting about this?

Because it makes me happy, because they are wonderful, smart, interesting, sweet, amazing men, because both of them have been single for a while, and because it gives me hope.

Mostly, people are not single because they are undesirable hideous trolls living under bridges, compulsively twitching and muttering obscenities at passers-by.

Mostly, people are single because it’s *hard* to find someone who fits, someone who makes your heart sing, someone who makes you skip into each day looking forward to spending more time with them.

Happiness is happy-making, and even though it is early days for both of them, I am quietly doing a little dance of finger-crossed joy for each of them.

So, I wanted to share, and it can’t hurt to send positive thoughts into the ether for happy endings. I do so love happy endings!

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posted by on femdom relationships, happy femdom

This story has a happy ending, but along the way it’s a difficult story that illustrates how hard it can be for young submissive men who feel disenfranchised, confused, and lost with their sexuality and relationships, and how challenging it can be to deal with that on top of whatever else they have going on in their lives.

Thank you for sharing your story, Jake, and I hope there is a lot more happiness to come for you.

Author: Jake

Part I

So, uh, to preface this, I figure an introduction is needed. I’m Jake. I’m 20, submissive-ish (I guess I switch a bit). I also begrudgingly admit I’m service oriented (G-d, I really hate that term, ‘service’. I service my vehicles, my firearms, my scuba reg, not women).

So, I sorta discovered I was submissive when I was 16 or so, with the internet porn, full of snivelling worm and cruel ice bitch queen dommes clad in rubber and PVC and latex. It was pretty hot. I was a teen, it was porn, and how, and I thought it was reality.

I became a fetishist, because, what other examples did I have? I was at least a bottom, but wasn’t a twue submissive. I was heavy into rubber/latex and all that stuff; I was (and still am) masochistic.

So, then came along high school, and the awkward clusterfuck that that was. I kept trying to date people but would be shot down like Gary Powers. So, I got a date with a wonderfully sweet girl in my class, who evidently liked me a fair bit. It was a *really* nice date, even was able to borrow my dad’s nice car, but it just went all wrong. We both were trying to get the other to lead, personalities just didn’t mesh in the least. So, after this happening a few times, I realized that ‘normal’ dating wasn’t for me, because, what’s the point if it’s just not going to work?

I started to feel broken and strange and unlovable. I knew I wasn’t able to date ‘normal’ people, but it seemed like ‘non-normal’ people were entirely impossible to find. What really didn’t help this was all my friends joking that I was forever alone, or just had to wait for girls to get older, or just to go to Taverna Opa (a local bar where the MILF’s flock to). Yeah, so, I bounced between feeling completely unlovable to ‘fuck women, I’ve got hobby money’. I mean, my friends even joked that the first girl I ever date, I should just marry, because I’d never find another person who could put up with me.

Hell, I even got ‘the talk’ from my mom, lol. I was informed I was gay, much to my chagrin. I got told “Honey, it’s okay if you’re gay, we’ll support you.”

I go, “But, I’m not gay… I like women.”

I was told, “Sure, but we’ll support you anyway.”

*facepalm!* I understand the gesture though, lol.

Part II…

|| Read more

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posted by on femdom relationships, musing

There is a line between defensiveness and trust that oddly often feels ugly to me.

I don’t expect a stranger to trust me. That’s ludicrous. But I expect a potential partner to come to me with an open heart and willingness to speak to me without the expectation that I want to do him harm in some way.

I have spoken to some men who are constantly defensive about me ‘taking too much’ or ‘crossing their boundaries’ from the very beginning, suspiciously weighing every exchange, every request, every conversation and seemingly looking for some way that I am trying to fuck them over. They build walls from the very beginning and in it is an unspoken demand that I capitulate over and over to ‘prove’ that I’m not going to be one of ‘those Dommes’.

In that kind of attitude, he is always measuring the ‘cost’ of things, or the ‘fairness’ (whatever that means to him) of it, and he is likely to then balk at stuff because it’s ‘gone too far’ and now he doesn’t like it any more.

It’s hard to explain, but to me, this leads to an idea of submission that comes across as hugely conditional, not in the sense of limits, but in the sense that he will bring me a glass of water any time I want, but if I ask him 6 times, on the 7th, he will go “Hey, this isn’t fair! You are totally taking the piss!!” or “Okay, but then I get *this* in return because now I feel taken advantage of.”

When I feel that suspicion, that need to protect himself from me before we have even started, I pretty much know that I am never going to be able to get what I want from him. That might be unfair because there could be a million and one reasons that he is like that and maybe he will ‘get over it’ with time, or with me, but if he is a mature, grown up man, I don’t think that he *will* get over it. I think he is displaying a pretty fundamental part of who he is, and my ego isn’t big enough to believe that he will ‘change for me’.

The men I like are the exact opposite. They come into conversations with curiosity, interest, openness. If anything, they are perhaps too open because I am drawn to that potential for vulnerability. Their level of trust is generally appropriate for where we are in the process. And when we hit a point where it seems promising, they tend towards seeking out things that they can do for me, they lean heavily into “Here take it, take it, please, please!” and I’m the one going “Woah, hold on.” They trust me not to be looking for ways to harm them, and later, they will trust me to draw the lines for us.

It’s a little tricky because of course everyone has defensive walls, it is sensible to have them. I think the line is crossed for me when they are suspicious that *I* (me personally) am trying to find a way to do them harm when we are speaking as potential partners instead of coming into the dialogue relatively neutral. Dealing with it makes me exhausted, and there’s no way in hell that it’s going to be something that I am willing to bring into a relationship.

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posted by on femdom relationships, happy femdom

This is a really sweet story from a young submissive who I contacted because I admired one of his photos (see right) on Fetlife. Leather and steel cuffs

When I set up this new template, I asked him for permission to use it. He very kindly said yes, and you can see it cycle through as one of the photos that I show in my header.

I’m delighted that he has shared his story, which reads a little bit like a dramatic romantic comedy with a happy ending. I love the happy endings.

Author: Gabriel

Honestly, this is a fairly complicated story so I don’t know quite exactly where to begin. I was abused my whole life, luckily between everything that was going on I didn’t know that it wasn’t normal. Thankfully, I found you Ferns (and your blog!) through fetlife of course; I was trying to find rope classes on line and came across the website. I was finally accepting the fact that I was kinky, well I knew I was but it was really starting to develop and I knew a lot more about what I liked and what I wanted.

Rewind a few years, I was in my Brazilian Jiu Jitsu class through the College I was attending, I had been doing this for a few years at this point so I knew almost everyone who was taking it again and we had a lot of new people. That was when she walked through the doors. I don’t believe in love at first sight but if there was such a thing this was it. She was beautiful and I will never forget her smile or her eyes. I am a very shy person but for some reason, and I had never done this in my life, I went over and talked to her. I couldn’t let this one get away, however, she did, a few classes went by and she dropped the class before I ever had a chance to even ask if she wanted to get to know each other.

I dropped the ball but never really forgot her, one day while I was in the gym she was there. Now being the gentleman I am I don’t talk to women in the gym, they generally have a hard enough time as it is so I try not to make things awkward. Luckily, she talked to me!! We went out on a few dates, I was head over heels for her, and I was embarrassed because I thought for sure she could tell. Well circumstances were not that great, a little after 2 months of dating my phone broke and we were both very sick. I replaced my phone but never heard from her. A few weeks later we ran into each other, I explained what had happened and asked her to text me so I could have her number. I never got that text, sadly enough.

We saw each other off and on but she was with someone who I thought was a boyfriend so I didn’t want to make a scene and she saw me training with a female friend that wanted my help, so she didn’t want to cause any problems either. It’s amazing where assumptions will lead you. That summer she graduated and it was sad for me, I never thought I would see her again.

October came and I was working out late in the evening, there she was again. Apparently, despite my best efforts she saw that I was … overly excited to see her. She text me again since she still had my number and luckily this time I actually got it. We saw each other for a few weeks and life took a sharp turn downward for me. I was rock bottom, but there she was, she picked me up and put me back together. We got to talking about kinks and I explained the basics of mine (I love rope!!) funny enough for some reason she was interested in rope too and after we dated that first time any time she thought about tying someone up I somehow came up. Well I hadn’t slept for about a week at this point and she was sweet enough to make me a doctor’s appointment and drag me to it, they gave me a sleeping pills and I stayed with her that night. After I took it however, and I don’t remember this at all, but I apparently confessed my love over and over after everything she said until she acknowledged she heard me, she blew it off as me being tired so I was saved. About a week went by and we made it official, we were boyfriend and girlfriend.

Funny enough a few days later, she took the sleeping pills she was prescribed (same type I was prescribed as well) and after some talking she too professed her love for me. Unfortunately, she was worried that the next morning she wouldn’t feel the same way, I explained I had been in love with her for a long time, I could wait if she wasn’t. The next morning the first words out of her mouth were that she loved me. She really did!! After a few days I let her in on another kink of mine that I was afraid to share with most but now am fairly open about. I wanted a Mommy, 24/7 she said that she would have to think about it and didn’t want to make that kind of commitment lightly. I respected her decision and life went on.

A week or so went by and I was telling her a story, I guess I said something that really made her happy because she blurted out ‘Can I be your Mommy?’ My heart skipped a beat and I cried I was so happy, we cuddled and talked for a while about what we both wanted from it. Funny enough, she did everything I had wanted and much more so, she was relieved that she didn’t need to change ‘too much’.

Five months later and neither of us have never been happier, we are living together, play fairly regularly, and my days usually start off with making Mommy breakfast in bed, a foot rub if there is time, and helping her get ready for whatever she needs to do. She gives me all the love and warmth I want and we have really grown as a couple in the dynamic she never even knew she wanted. I owe a lot of where I am at to her, if it wasn’t for her I would’ve never even guessed my childhood wasn’t normal. She helped me see that it wasn’t and now I get to redo a lot of it with her. I couldn’t ask for a better Mommy and my heart still skips a beat when she calls me her good boy or when we cuddle up to go to sleep and the last words out of my mouth are, ‘I love you Mommy’. I guess third time was the charm and how lucky am I, after all of that I finally get the woman I fell in love with years ago! I guess I knew my Mommy when I saw her.

___

This post is part of a project to share happy, positive femdom relationship stories.  If you have a story and are willing to share it, please email it to me (ferns AT domme-chronicles DOT com).

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posted by on femdom relationships, happy femdom

I’m delighted to have another happy femdom story to share! Yay!!

Amusoman emailed me out of the blue a looong time ago for a chat, and I recall getting quite stern with him about his lazy language and over-use of emoticons. I do believe he thought I was quite the bossy bitch (I know, hard to believe isn’t it?) and I’m happy to note that neither of those traits are in evidence in the lovely story he has shared here. He is one of the lucky ones who has managed to introduce his wife of many years to D/s. Enjoy!

Author: amusoman

My Happy Journey into a Female Led Relationship

i had sexual intercourse with my Wife five times last weekend. While that is in no way a record; it is quite astonishing considering we are both in our fifties and have been married for over 30 years and have 3 teenage kids! Perhaps now i have your attention?

Four years ago our story was quite different. Our marriage was not in a terminal condition but was stale. i actually craved the time apart from my Wife more than the time spent being with her. My Wife nagged and complained about so many things that i felt it was just best to avoid her. Then she became seriously ill and the “til DEATH do us part” marriage vow, became a frightening reality. To cut a long story short i added two elements to our relationship. Number one was the concept “That She was always right”! (even, when her illness drove her to great depths of irrationality).

i quickly discovered that agreeing with her was always was so much better than arguing with her. And usually, by herself, her views would become more rational again anyway…without me having to “correct” her. Secondly, as i had to feed her, cook, clean and generally look after her i decided to make it a romantic game. i was her butler, servant, knight, lover, defender, protector, doctor, romancer, slave! And it worked! This was a far more satisfactory construct than the reality of very sick Wife and put upon husband.

Surprisingly, even though she was desperately ill, our marriage was thriving! Not surprisingly, once she got better, my Wife did not want to go back to the way things were. She wanted to stay as Queen, Goddess, Boss of our relationship and she wanted me to stay the devoted “slave boy” that she now called me!! Not surprisingly, i also wanted to keep both our marriage and my deep devotion to my Wife going too. It was time to do some research into this crazy Female Led Relationship dynamic we had created.

The internet is a wonderful thing! Your journey into it often starts quite vanilla and straight forward but quickly your search can become wilder than you ever imagined by taking the side paths that spring up. i discovered many others had explored Female Led Relationships and had written very convincingly of why they should become the norm for all relationships between men and Women. Very quickly, i discovered the power of chastity and orgasm control as a means of deepening loving submission.

You have probably realised that with my Wife being sick that our sex life suffered. It certainly did at first and pretty quickly i discovered i was getting very horny even though things were so serious in terms of my Wife’s health. What was a wonderful discovery was that i was also crazily deriving great sexual pleasure from serving my Goddess while expecting nothing in return in terms of sexual favours. So our new relationship dynamic had orgasm control and chastity built into it! So when i came across the terms in my own research, I already knew what they were talking about! But possibly even more pleasantly shocking was that my Wife even though ill was so enjoying my chivalrous service that her own sexual needs came back and we began to make love again….and again….and again!

So after she got well, i was keen to keep chastity and orgasm control as part of our continuing Female Led Relationship. However, i was very aware of the fact that my Wife was even straighter than i was in terms of sex. i did have to work slowly and cautiously (or at least I thought i had too..Maybe I didn’t have too? I will never know!!). We talked about how much better our marriage was now and we both agreed we did not want to go back to how we were. i likened it (like many texts do) to our courting time. A time in which i was so much more attentive of her needs, was so sexually hungry for her and so in love too that i would literally do anything for her for just a kiss! She too remembered those times with great fondness. So having reminded her of the benefits of having that courtship style hunger driven romance back in our marriage it was easy to explain to her that our earlier happiness was due to the fact that she was largely in charge of my sex life and that she unwittingly doled out sex and affection as a reward then and was now doing it again. She saw the sense in this and she loved the fact that i wanted to formally hand over control of my orgasms to her and that “Sex was for Goddess’pleasure” and that i “would find it impossible to cum without her permission to do so”.

My Wife absolutely loved it and the effects it had on me. She loved making me moan and cry and beg for sex and relief and that I would promise to do anything for it. She quickly learned to love exploiting that power and yes i found myself obediently (and happily) taking over the washing, cooking and most of the cleaning.

Of course i quickly discovered chastity devices on the net and bought one. i had it for many weeks before i showed my Wife. She again loved it and actually became the new driver of our journey into chastity play (well okay sometimes i had to hint about directions and times to use it). She loved locking me up if i was out without her. She loved locking me up when she was out or when she wanted special things done or wanted extra attentions. i was going up to 3 months without release other than leaking and “spoiled orgasms” (by choice) which she found annoying but acceptable. Masturbation was out of the question because she just seemed to know if i did and there was hell to pay.

So at this point, we have both acknowledged that i am her “slave boy” and that she is my “Goddess.” That i “must obey, serve and cherish her” that her “decisions are final” and that i will wear a cock cage or panties whenever she sees fit. I sleep in a “slave bed” when she instructs me too and she canes me when i have displeased her. (Which incidentally, is usually followed by massive screaming orgasms for her?) My “straight” Wife has gone along with our deepening Female Led Relationship and has sometimes been the driver of that deepening. Our marriage is stronger than ever and i deeply love my Wife and she loves me too!

Oh and did i mention the huge amount of sex we have?

___

This post is part of a project to share happy, positive femdom relationship stories.  If you have a story and are willing to share it, please email it to me (ferns AT domme-chronicles DOT com).

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