On being emotionally fearless

I said in my last post: When I talk about wanting a man who is emotionally fearless, it’s because I need him to hammer down those walls and throw himself into the fray over and over and take whatever hits are coming. And I got a really smart question from the original asker: “But don’t you think its possible that being emotionally fearless maybe difficult for someone not because they are afraid of stepping into the fray but because they don’t want to put someone they care about/serve in a situation where they are being ‘hammered’.”  Yes, […]

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Happy femdom story – Master Joy’s boy

I cannot tell you how delighted I was when I read this story. It was Sunday morning, and I had my coffee in hand when I opened my emails. Moments later I was almost in tears with an idiot-smile on my face as I read this absolutely wonderful happy-making tale *delighted sigh*. Author: Master Joy’s boy I saw your call for sharing happy and healthy stories. […]

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Something between us

There is something between us. He felt it early on, some pull towards me, ghosts of our D/s relationship tugging at something in him. You still have a hold over me. How? Why? I hate it. Is there something about submitting to a person that can never be undone? He has never submitted to anyone else, so it makes sense that as he has unravelled past hurts and the idea of submission comes tentatively floating back, […]

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On not feeling loved

I’ve written about the things I screwed up in my relationship with my First and touched on how I didn’t feel loved.  One of the things that I learnt from that relationship is that submissive behaviours can obscure traits that I would have seen a mile off in a vanilla man, but didn’t yet have the experience to see in a submissive. […]

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Short circuiting

My First: Are you sure the wine and yourself haven’t made each other’s acquaintance tonight? Me: Shush! First: Yes Ma’am Me: …  …  …  jfdjlgjlkbalkjfdjkl;fj  *laugh* First: That’s the first thing you’ve instructed me to do since we moved apart Me: I was thinking VERY IMPORTANT THINGS! Stop short circuiting me! First: Sorry Ma’am Me: Bzzzttttt … Seriously, I can’t put a coherent thought together now. […]

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First meeting and onwards

My First and I met in a BDSM chat room, on IRC. I can’t remember the details. What I remember is that we were attracted to each other, got chatting, emailing, talking, we exchanged photos. There was definitely something there. He was some 6 years younger at 25, lived about 900kms away, had just finished his masters. […]

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Past-me

I found a copy of my old hand-coded blog from the time my First and I were in our relationship. I wonder if there was a private journal also, but I haven’t taken the time to really look for it. My blog at the time was also BDSM-focussed (oh, what a surprise!), documenting my early explorations and relationships, […]

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Showing off

I like it when he shows off for me. In the beginning, when he doesn’t know me so well, it happens inadvertently. And I love that. It’s a huge compatibility marker for me. When he unconsciously says something in a particular way, moves just like ‘that’, gives me a look, does something that hits me like a freight train and I’m left reeling. […]

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Conversations with my First

In case you don’t normally read comments, my First has contributed some thoughtful perspectives in the comments of these posts about him (he posts as Her First):  Unravelling the past Navel gazing  ___ I had a blog around the time that we were in a relationship, possibly some journals also. I was curious enough about how I felt at the time to go looking for them. I found the blog content and some old emails. […]

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Navel gazing

In a comment on my last post, Aethel said this about her current relationship: “I really want to strangle his old doms whenever I think of them. I have had to undo the fears, almost expectations, of abuse that previous partners left behind” Yeep. That sounds terrible, and I’m really glad that he has you to create that safe space for him. […]

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