All ‘femdom relationships’ category posts

Oh, there I am

Jun
2013
18

posted by on bambi, femdom relationships, musing

Earlier this year, I talked about how I worry sometimes that I’ve lost the hunger that drives my dominance. It doesn’t exist in a vacuum, it only comes alive when I have someone I want to aim it at.

When I haven’t felt it for a while, it becomes like some distant thing. Vaguely remembered, but shadowy, intangible.

Even though it didn’t work out with bambi, I am beyond delighted and grateful that he was a perfect target for the hunger. It was especially strong in the beginning before the emotional complexity complicated things and muted it. I got to experience again how the feelings could become too big for my body, like I needed more and endless space into which to throw all this aggression and violence, like it could fill some bottomless chasm.

I felt like ‘me’ again, the me that is somehow inaccessible otherwise. The me that waits quietly, that feels sometimes like it has disappeared.

I’d almost forgotten what that part of me was like, how it felt, and oh my god, I’ve missed it. That I got to unleash it with a man who looked at me, opened his arms and said ‘bring it!’ was a relief and a joy, a reminder of what it is I want.

I wondered at times if I was going to be able to control it, all that ferocity and passion that I hadn’t let loose in what felt like forever.

At one point in the middle of assaulting him, I paused to breathe and he looked at me with what felt like shock.

“You are so… aggressive…” he said, and I felt a little flutter of concern. “Hot!” he added before he opened up to me again.

I grinned at him, all teeth and snarling desperate want.

Yeah, I know.

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posted by on femdom relationships, happy femdom

The lovely AudioDiva was kind enough to share the story of meeting her boy, and how their relationship developed. She sweetly added that ‘life is pretty fantastic’, and their story bears that out. It’s just lovely *happy sigh*.

Author: AudioDiva

I met My boy last year while I was in the middle of a bad break up from my vanilla husband. My ex & I were in the BDSM scene when we met 10yrs before, but our relationship had always been vanilla & there came a time when our differences made it impossible to continue. I felt very broken, but a week after he left, for the last time after a year of problems, I went to our local Munch just to see what the community had to offer, since my previous experience was in another city. I was in no way ready to consider actually playing or getting into a relationship, but I had been gone from the scene for quite a while & in order to join the local group you have to attend 2 Munches, so I figured the sooner I got started the better. I had also joined Fet, which is the location of our local group’s online interactions, and read a lot of different profiles.

At my first Munch in over 10yrs, I sat at a table with this very nice, rather odd looking and yet adorable man, who introduced himself. I talked to him & a couple of others at the table. Everyone was very nice, but he actually gave me his Fet name & asked if I would like to Friend him. When he said his name I was surprised that his was one of the profiles that I had read closely and someone I had hoped to meet eventually. During the Munch he also mentioned that he played country & oldies music every week at a club about an hour from my home. Being broken, and needing a change, I decided that this might be just what I needed. At the same time we began chatting regularly on Yahoo. It turns out he was in a similarly broken state, following the break up of a 6yr Ds relationship and some major health problems (seizure disorder with poor prognosis at the time, along with back injury).

I went to the dance the next week & was surprised to see that I was the youngest in the room by about 20yrs. As it turns out the dances are marketed to seniors & at 38 I hardly qualified, but at the first dance he introduced me to some lovely ladies, & the gentleman were excited to have someone who had no idea how to dance, but was willing to learn. He watched all this from the stage & over time he had fun listening to all the come-on lines that were used. The following month he house-sat for a friend and I spent almost every night with him there. This was where we had our first scene, which changed everything for me. For the first time, in a VERY long time, I felt truly desired & desirable & adored – an EXTREMELY heady experience. It also became clear that he was a service sub who needed someone to serve & a place to work on large projects and I was living alone in a 3500 sq. ft. home that needed a lot of work.

As his house-sitting drew close to an end, I learned that he was looking for a new place to stay. While it was still early in our relationship, I assured him that, regardless of what happened between us romantically, he would have a place to stay in my house. Soon after he moved in, 14 months ago, it was clear that my house had become Our Home. Even though we each have a bedroom, we have never spent a night apart in the house, we just move back and forth between the two (this way we each have room for our stuff & I get to keep my waterbed). We now also have a dedicated Dungeon/Playroom & a guest room, thanks to his hard work.

I work during the week. Before I wake up, he gets up and makes me my Chai, along with his coffee, brings it to me & when I wake we perv Fet & talk until I start getting ready to leave. I usually make breakfast, since cooking is my only household chore. While I am gone he makes the bed, cleans the kitchen, along with other areas of the house, he makes floggers or play furniture, and does yard work. When I get home I make dinner & we hang out together, talking about our days & watching TV. Then we may have a tickle war, or we may have sex, but we always cuddle when falling asleep. On the weekends we go to local events, both BDSM & musical.

This is from my Fet profile writings just a month after he moved in & it is still true:
“My boy is always looking for ways to make my life easier – Some examples include: fixing things (chairs, toilets, internet issues, faucets, the perfect study area), making the bed, doing the laundry, planning improvements on the house, preparing me drinks and snacks before I leave for work (cooking is not his area), keeping me on point/on time/focused, singing to me, holding me when life gets overwhelming, making me laugh, letting me cry, telling me how beautiful I am until I really believe it, supporting my decisions – even when he disagrees, offering me a different viewpoint, listening, respecting my limits, giving me a shoulder to fall asleep on, and of course the most amazing HOT kinky sex I have ever had, anytime I want (who knew daily ass worship would make me insatiable) and someone to experiment with/on – of course this is just a few of the things he did this week, so who knows what he will offer next week :) ”

Of course this all depends on how he is feeling. Because of his health, he has good days & bad days, but in 14 months I can count on 1 hand the number of days he didn’t make my Chai and he has never failed to cuddle. With minimal stress his health has actually stabilized somewhat.

I admire his determination not to let his disability define him. I commend the money he raises for others in need. I love listening to him sing. I appreciate hearing his observations on human nature, because he is extremely intuitive & observant. I particularly love how he makes me feel valued, adored and desired in such fundamental ways. It just gives me a thrill when he calls me Ma’am, especially when I can flash back to his face buried in my ass or seeing him bent over working on my car.

While we do play, he is primarily a service sub & partner, so we are looking at including others for play only. I need to practice more so I feel more confident & he isn’t always up to it. Communication is definitely the key & I was reticent to suggest it until I felt we were both secure in our relationship. He knows that I have no interest in replacing him, merely improving our lives & playtime.

Although we are VERY different, in upbringing, age, education, experiences etc… this absolutely works for me because we are building something unique together. We are getting more involved in our BDSM community, hosting events & attending more often. I am launching my career & he is an amazing source of support.

Like all relationships, it requires work, but I cannot imagine my life without him. While he is not fond of the term, I am proud to claim him as My boy.

___

This post is part of an ongoing project to share happy, positive femdom relationship stories.  If you have a story and are willing to share it, please email it to me (ferns AT domme-chronicles DOT com).

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posted by on femdom relationships, happy femdom

Lovely young submissive man shyly enters the fray. Goes bravely to a munch, as per the advice of many. What happens next? Well, he has kindly shared it with us. Read on!

Author: Neophyte

I read a comment somewhere, by someone, that there aren’t enough stories on the Internet about how D/s relationships start, so I thought I’d share my experience.

I’ve had “kinky” thoughts basically for as long as I’ve had sexual thoughts. It wasn’t until last summer, at age 28, that I decided to actually pursue kink. After some searching around online, I found the most common advice was, “Get on FetLife and go to a munch.” So that’s what I did. I joined FetLife and found a semi-local (I live in a very rural part of the U.S., so it’s a little bit of a drive) munch to go to. In the meanwhile, I came to the conclusion that if I am kinky (spoiler alert: I am), it’s as a submissive, but not of the groveling, worthless-worm stereotype. I want love, tenderness, and affection, but I want them from someone who is in charge.

I actually started with a smaller, more casual munch before going to the big organized one in the city. It was a great idea, because the big munch would have been a bit overwhelming if there weren’t any familiar faces. When I went to the big munch, I saw one of the sexiest women I’d ever seen in person – physically attractive, yes, but also in her style, confidence, and the way she carried herself. I learned that it was her first time at the munch, too, when they asked first-timers to identify themselves. I was really surprised; she looked completely at ease (I later learned that she had recently moved to the city after being involved in the scene elsewhere). I didn’t work up the courage to talk with her, though. The next month, I went to my first dungeon play party, just to get a sense of what they are like. I watched a couple of scenes and chatted with some people (away from the area where scenes were going on – idle chatter can really disrupt a good headspace) before going home.

When the next month’s party came around, I had plans to play for the first time: cropping on my back, butt, and legs with a domme I had gotten acquainted with. It was enjoyable and reinforced the idea that this is something I could do. The beautiful woman from the munch (let’s call her “D”) was there, too, and did a couple of scenes. Neither of us saw the other’s scenes, but we ended up chatting in the changing room afterwards (the paddle I’d brought as a conversation starter worked wonderfully as a conversation starter) and then on the smoking porch, although I don’t smoke. It was a nice conversation and we traded FetLife contact information.

That week we talked a bit online, and I invited her to the smaller munch that was coming up. It wasn’t a date, strictly speaking – she didn’t commit to join me, and I didn’t ask her as a date – but we ended up sitting together and chatting most of the evening without much regard for the overall topics of conversation. When I told her I had found a needle scene at my first play party fascinating, her face lit up with joy. We spent a couple more weeks getting to know each other through chats online, and decided we would like to play at a smaller party later in the month. It turns out that she is a switch, and our kinks are fairly well compatible. We made our plans, which were more of a rough framework than a point-by-point plan. I would be blindfolded and tied down on a bed, and she would try a variety of things from her toy bag to see how I reacted to different sensations. It went really well, I learned some things that I really, really like, and there were only a couple of things I would prefer not to try again, and nothing that I would absolutely say no to. I had a very nice time with a cool-down of cuddling before she went off to get ready for a scene where she would be bottoming.

We continued chatting, playing as time and distance would allow, and soon enough you could probably say that we were at least dating. About the same time, I got an email from her saying that from reading my cues, as well as things I had written, she felt I was ready to move from bottoming to submission. I was thrilled when I read her email. We had been (and really still are) pacing ourselves because of my newness. It has paid off, because I’m comfortable with her and trust her enough to do things that make me nervous (like the previously mentioned needles), and she has become good at reading my reactions. By that time, I really felt ready to hand over the reins to her. In March, about four months after our first time playing together, we addressed the elephant in t he room, our relationship had definitely become a “relationship” of some sort, and we wanted to be able to put into words what it is. For lack of better terminology, we settled on the basic default of dominant and submissive. I say for lack of better terminology because I don’t feel like the common terminology in D/s circles has the right nuance. I don’t think most D/s terminology has enough connotation of affection, and the labels that do have a particular connotation of affection carry other associations that aren’t quite right to describe our relationship (“little”-based terms come to mind here).

Anyway, now we’re saying that she is my dominant and I am her submissive. But it feels like more of an acknowledgement of what was already there than a change in our relationship. Oh, I’m doing more service for her, but I think that’s because we’re spending more time together, and we can’t fill all of that time with play. I don’t consider myself service-oriented, but I like doing things for her and making her happy.

The things we do together haven’t changed wholesale since we labeled our relationship, which is nice, because I really enjoy the things we do together. There has been a little bit of a change in how we do those things, or rather how we talk about and decide what to do and when to do it. There is less of her asking if I’m interested in something and more of her telling me what is going to happen, but I don’t know whether that can be traced to the acknowledgement of our dynamic or the fact that she has had time to learn what I’m interested in, but I like it.

During a break for cuddling in a recent bout of play, D held me tight and whispered, “Mine. All mine.” It was relaxing and heartwarming to hear from her. A little later, she explained what she meant by it, that she knows I would happily give her any part of me that she asked for. She is absolutely right. My desires, my fears, my sweetness, my sincerity, my insecurities, my love – I’ll give them all to her whenever she wants.

I could have lived all my life and not found someone so wonderful. I know how lucky I am, I feel like I won the lottery. I don’t know what the future might bring, but now I know that I am hers, I love her, and she loves me. That is all I need to know.

My happy femdom story is also a bit of a happy polyamory story. D switches and is polyamorous. Poly is something I’d never given any thought. Early on, when she went from cuddling with me after a scene to getting ready to bottom to someone, I had certain feelings of discomfort. Those feelings have dissipated over time, though, and as I’ve gotten to know some of her other partners, I’ve become a lot more comfortable with it. I really felt like I’d made a breakthrough when she told me that a couple she is interested in asked her if she would be their girlfriend – I was actually happy and excited for her. It probably helped that I know and like the couple, and it definitely helped that I feel a lot more secure in what I mean to D and what our relationship is.

I’m still getting used to the idea that she wants me to play with and be romantic with other people, though. When she says I’m hers, it isn’t about exclusivity. She wants me to be involved with others as a preventative measure against jealousy and resentment over her other partners. So I’ve continued playing with a couple of other people, but it feels a little bit awkward. I’m working on it, though.

___

This post is part of an ongoing project to share happy, positive femdom relationship stories.  If you have a story and are willing to share it, please email it to me (ferns AT domme-chronicles DOT com).

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I’m selfish

Apr
2013
20

posted by on about me, femdom relationships

I think of myself (and describe myself) as selfish (and lazy… yeah, I’m a real catch!), but the complication is that I can only be selfish (that is, be comfortable ‘being who I really am’) in an environment where I know that my boy feels wanted and loved in it. I need to know that he is thinking, “Yay, I love it when you are all selfish and I can run off and do these things for you!”, all skip-happy like.

I can be (and have been) selfish in vanilla relationships, and it’s terribly unfair, and my partners have loved me and will go to the nth degree to make me happy, BUT I feel a lot of guilt in this. And I am always waiting. Waiting. Because it *will* get to the nth+1 degree, and at that point it will blow up. This is when he says, “Hang on… this is SO UNFAIR!!” and starts to push back, demanding some sort of equity. He will start to ask and expect that I behave in a way that is a lot *less* selfish (which is totally reasonable in a vanilla relationship, because we have not agreed otherwise). And saying “…but but… don’t you understand, I’m *selfish* and just want what I want!” doesn’t go down so well (I don’t know why…). I have learnt that trying to conform to those expectations makes me feel resentful and unhappy, and how that ends up is entirely predictable.

Like all of these things, making it work is about compatibility.

In a long term relationship of any kind, each party has to be happy. If I am selfish, then it follows that my submissive has to relish and enjoy that selfishness, or there is no longevity there. If we are compatible, then my selfishness feeds a desire in him to be the one who fulfils those desires: he blossoms under the knowledge that he is the special boy who can make me happy by doing that. It could be argued then that I am still being all nice in ‘pleasing him’ with my selfishness. And that works just fine for me.

The complication is that I have to feel emotionally ‘safe’ to be selfish. I MUST know that he is jumping out of his skin with delight when I am selfish. When I know him well enough, I am more than happy to tell him to ‘shut the fuck up and just do it’ if he offers resistance to something unreasonable that I am demanding. But in the beginning stages, he needs to be showing me that it’s not only ‘okay’ for me to behave that way, but that he actively *enjoys* me being that way. I need to see and feel and trust that we are in it together, that those interactions are bringing us closer, that it works.

If I don’t see his enjoyment and feel him get all swoony-happy over it, I just feel like a pushy, unreasonable bitch, and boy, do I ever get the bad-feeling guilts about that.

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posted by on femdom relationships, happy femdom

I received a really lovely encouraging note from LoveMyPet wishing me luck with my upcoming meeting with bambi (thank you!!). In it, she shared her wonderful story about her first meeting with her boy. It was so terribly sweet and happy-making, I asked if I could share it. I’m beyond pleased that she agreed. So very lovely! Enjoy!

Author: LoveMyPet

My sub and I met on second life. Were a couple there for months, but we lived 3000 miles apart. I will give you the condensed version, lol. He bought his plane ticket and came to me.

I had a CRAZY work schedule at the time. I honestly do not know how I survived it. I worked midnights at a hospital, 7 days on, 7 days off. When I was off, I slept nights, when I worked, I slept days. Every waking moment not working was spent communicating with him so I was always exhausted.

The evening he was scheduled to arrive, I was so wound up and excited that I didnt sleep that day as I should have. I had also worked the previous night so by the time his plane landed, I had been awake for 36 hours straight! I dozed off, sitting in a chair, dressed in my sexy dress, with my hair and make up perfect. I must have looked a sight! I woke to the sound of people bustling about, it was the other passengers getting off his plane, and thank God I woke before he saw me!

I was still sitting in the chair and I was about to stand up, when I looked up…. and there he was. It was the sweetest moment of my life and I cannot even describe his expression, it was so sweet. I stood, smiling and walked to him. We were both smiling, but neither of us spoke a word. I placed my hand on the back of his neck, and kissed the soft spot of his neck, just below his ear. That is now my favorite spot to kiss, I’ve kissed it a million times since then.

After the initial hug and kiss, we chatted a bit as we waited for his luggage. I was so exhausted and wound up that my head was spinning. It all felt so surreal. I remember as we sat back down in the chairs, waiting for his plane to unload his luggage, he poked my arm with one finger, saying “You’re here…and you’re really real…” I giggled, snuggling into his shoulder. God, I wanted to just sleep, and fuck him, and sleep some more, and then fuck again. I don’t know what I needed more at that point.

After acquiring his luggage, we made our way through the massive airport out to my car. Our hotel was nearby. It was closer than my home, which was two hours away, and more convenient as our work schedule would only allow us to spend the weekend together.

We reached my car. After tossing his luggage in my backseat and closing the car door, I turned to face him, smiling. Our lips met. He lifted me up, sitting me on the trunk of my car. We continued kissing in the cool March air, in the nearly empty parking lot… it was after 11PM at night… I shivered as the cool wind blew up under my skirt, shivered as his lips finally claimed mine after months of anticipation.

After what felt like hours of kissing, we climbed into the car. It was time to make our way to the hotel room to spend what was to be a wonderful weekend together, the first of many. This was 5 years ago, and we are still going strong. :)

___

This post is part of an ongoing project to share happy, positive femdom relationship stories.  If you have a story and are willing to share it, please email it to me (ferns AT domme-chronicles DOT com).

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posted by on bambi, femdom relationships, top pick

Sometimes it’s hard to be honest without feeling manipulative.

Sometimes I know what the outcome of honesty is going to be, so it feels like I am manoeuvring that outcome by *being* honest. That can be a hard mindset to let go of.

I suspect that more submissives have experienced this dilemma than dominants.

Submissive [honest statement]: “I really like it when you just tell me what to do without asking me.”
*cue your dominant doing that more*
*you feel vaguely guilty, like maybe they don’t really want to do that, and are just doing it for you*

Right? Right.

I get it from the dominant side also.

Me [honest statement]: “I was sad when you didn’t text me on your way home today.”

Now I *know* what the outcome of that statement is going to be: he is going to strive to do it faithfully from now on. Which is really lovely. He *should* be trying to do things to please me. But it feels kind of manipulative because of the way I’ve expressed it, even though the expression is honest and is exactly what I wanted to convey.

Earlier in our communication, bambi missed sending me a morning email, which had become a sweet habit, and which I enjoy. He didn’t *owe* me that email, and it was too early in our relationship to demand that he do it, but I was still disappointed when it wasn’t in my inbox, so I shared that with him.

I struggled not to feel manipulative when I told him that I was disappointed by it, but the other option (to swallow it and say nothing) felt dishonest and destructive.

If I wanted to make it an order, I could have. That would have made it EASIER for both of us (and I know he really *wanted* me to do that). It would have removed doubt, disappointment, and ambiguity, but for where we were in the relationship, it was overstepping the boundary to demand things of him.

I didn’t want to make it an order, I just wanted to tell him how I was feeling. Still, it made me feel a bit like a passive aggressive arsehole because I knew very well how he would react. And he did, of course, work to make sure that that email was in my inbox every day after we talked about it.

Yesterday he forgot again. We are further along now. This time I made it an order going forward, so if it happens again, he will have failed to do what I told him to do, and there will be consequences. No ambiguity. That felt better, felt right, felt more solid, had a satisfying clarity and sweetness to it. And all of those are reasons why D/s works for me.

Note to self: Must do more of that.

The difference between ‘honestly communicating my feelings’ and ‘honestly communicating my feelings and doing something about it’ is big for me. The first can make me feel manipulative and a little impotent while the second makes me feel as if I am taking control of the situation and taking steps to manage it going forward.

For submissives who struggle with feeling as if honest communication is manipulative, there is no real ‘doing something about it’, so I understand why it can be difficult for some to share things (especially negative things). Saying ‘I didn’t like that, but it’s okay really! I don’t expect you to fix it. I really don’t mind!’ doesn’t quite get rid of the feeling of being manipulative. I think the level of trust in their dominant has to be such that they know she will take that information on board and decide for herself what to do with it.

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posted by on femdom relationships, happy femdom

Nearly a year ago, I published Aaron’s happy femdom story. As a young submissive, Aaron wrote about finding his feet and how he was lucky enough to meet a wonderful woman with whom to share his explorations.

That wonderful woman is Katherine. I’m beyond delighted that she has sent me an update on how it is going with them. Happiness is not a constant state, not an ‘ending’: we struggle, we work at it, we slip, we fight, we recover, and if we are lucky, we suck as much joy out of it as we can.

I’m so happy that Katherine decided to share how their last year together has gone. Thank you so much!

Author: Katherine

My sub, Aaron, wrote to you about a year ago. You posted his story here. Since it’s been a while, I wanted to update you.

Aaron and I are still together. We’re in love. I’d love to say that it’s been all sunshine and roses, but I’m beginning to realize that will never be the case in our relationship.We are different people and our lives always seem to get in the way of our enjoyment of each other. Last year Aaron detailed some of the rough patches we went through early on in our relationship and I’d like to share our biggest obstacle yet. It’s kind of strange to say this, but all of our recent rough patches happened because of things on my end.

Life has dealt me a crappy hand last year year and due to an accident, I’ve been partially disabled and will remain that way for the foreseeable future. I am young and it seems so unfair to be riddled with pain and varying levels of fatigue everyday. Not surprisingly, it took a toll on my dommyness. I found it hard to feel like a strong confident woman in this condition. Aaron struggled with it too because he could not relate, but also because our emotional approach to our roles are different. When under stress or pressure, Aaron falls more easily into his submissive role, while under those same conditions, I find it nearly impossible to hit my stride as a domme. It took us many conversations to realize that we were different in this way. At our lowest point, we had gone four months without a scene together, or any sort of recognition of the d/s aspect of our relationship.

I have to say that Aaron is an amazing partner for being so patient with me, but also an amazing sub for bringing it up. He brought our lack of play up sensitively, and took all the pressure off by saying he wanted to start back into it slowly. He was just so damn eager, so damn cute and beautiful, and all those things I’ve always adored about him. He truly demonstrated his willingness to serve me. As a domme I never expected to be nudged by my submissive like this, but I honestly needed it. Our conversation expanded the possibilities of what my sub could do for me. Now I think to ask him to help me out of bed, put on my shoes for me and give me gentle massages. Aaron still reads to me nightly to help my sleep, too, and I don’t even have to ask.

This Valentine’s Day I intend to play with Aaron until he becomes a huge puddle of subby for me, only capable of uttering “Yes, ma’am” in the smallest and cutest of voices. He is mine, and I will take so many orgasms from him that night. I will be the strongest domme I’ve ever been. <3

___

This post is part of a project to share happy, positive femdom relationship stories.  If you have a story and are willing to share it, please email it to me (ferns at domme-chronicles dot com).

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