All ‘femdom relationships’ category posts

Because I’m happy

Nov
2013
01

posted by on femdom relationships, my boy, random memories

It was a weekend, I took him out for lunch to a pub that sits on a point overlooking the bay. A beautiful spot on a hill, the islands in the distance.

It was warm, sunny.

He got us drinks, ordered the food, and came back to me.

We were sitting side by side in chairs on the lawn looking out over the water, talking softly and laughing about nothing in particular. I had one leg draped over his, his hand rested on my thigh.

I grabbed his head and pulled it to me and bit it, not his ear, his head. Because. Just because. It made us both laugh and he shook like a dog afterwards.

He said he wished that he could take this moment right now and write it down exactly how it was, to capture and keep it. He touched parts of me that he wanted to describe in detail to preserve them. My bare arm with light coloured hairs catching some sun, my knee curved over him, the weight of my leg against his thigh, my foot swinging gently, me smiling at him, us laughing together. All the corny things.

I asked him, “Why this moment?”

And he said, “Because I’m happy.”

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Conflict

Sep
2013
29

posted by on femdom relationships, kissing, play

You look at me, both guilty and defiant.

I hold your gaze. I wait.

You are hurt and angry. You lift your chin. I know that look. You are considering your options. They are running through your mind like quicksilver, fast and light and slippery.

I don’t look away. I just wait while you run through the possible reactions in your head.

Your breathing is shallow while you fight for composure.

I can feel your flight response just below the surface. Your muscles tensing, ready to turn away from me and stride out of the room. I don’t have to look at your hands to know that they are balled up in fists against your thighs. The fingers clenching and unclenching, your short nails digging into your palms. I can see the same conflict in your face, the outline of your jaw coming into sharp relief as your teeth grind together and release over and again.

I watch your conflicted thoughts reflect across your expressive face. They are as clear to me as neon signs.

I wait for you to decide. It feels like we have been locked in this silence forever.

Finally you take a deep breath, your body relaxes, you dip your head, lower your eyes. They come to rest somewhere around my waist.

“Yes, Ma’am,” you say finally.

It is a quiet response, hard won, and I would normally ask you to repeat it a little louder, but this time I let the whisper go. I know this has not been easy for you.

I reach up, and with a gentle finger under your chin, I lift your face so that you can look at me. Your face rises under the instruction, but you can’t meet my gaze. Not yet. You are ashamed, still a little angry, still hurt.

I cup your face with one hand, my palm along your jaw, feeling the remaining tension there. My thumb caresses your cheek, my fingers curl strong against your neck. You lean your face into my hand, seeking reassurance. I give you everything in that caress. All the ‘It’s okay, sweetheart’s, the ‘You did well’s, the ‘I’m so proud of you’s, all the melty sweetness flows through my fingertips into you.

“Good boy,” I say.

You raise your eyes to mine, manage a weak smile. I tilt my head at you, a half-smile back.

I lean up to touch my lips gently to yours.

You reach for me like a parched man suddenly finding water. Pull me tight up against you quickly, suddenly, strong arms wrapping around me, fitting me into the hardness of your body like we always fit. You open your mouth to me, I instinctively enter, feel your fingers slide into my hair, I hold your head in the crook of my arm and we make reparations, desperately and greedily finding each other again.

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Sleeping together

Aug
2013
24

posted by on about me, femdom relationships, musing

I don’t sleep well with another in my bed. I don’t sleep well at all for the most part. This tenuous relationship with sleep makes it precious, sacrosanct. There are few things more irritating than having my sleep interfered with.

I need to feel very comfortable with someone to want them in my bed, and if I don’t have that level of comfort, I don’t share well. I will lie there restless, unable to relax, hyper-aware that they are *just there*.

I let bambi fall asleep in my bed one night when he was here. We had played for some time and then snuggled into bed together in the aftermath. He fell asleep quickly, easily.

Me, I was lying there, restless, acutely aware of another body taking up space. Space that I didn’t need. Not *my* space. Just… space.

I tried, I did.

And some time in the early hours, I woke him up.

“I can’t sleep, you have to go into the other room…” I whispered.

His eyes half closed, he took a moment to register what I was saying. He didn’t protest, or question. He nodded and blearily got up.

I went with him, to put him to bed in the spare room. I missed him from my bed as soon as he left, but I needed him out.

I tucked him in, petted and cuddled with him for a short while. His slow heavy sleep-breathing returned quickly. Then I tiptoed back into my empty room, into my empty bed, and slept… bliss.

For all of that, the idea that my boy and I would not share a bed as the default doesn’t work for me. It makes me feel sad. I don’t want him out of my reach like that.

I want to know that I can fling an arm over and feel him there. There he is, even in sleep, waiting for me.

I like to touch him randomly, snaking fingertips into the space between us towards him until I feel warm flesh. The curve of a hip, the hairs on an arm, the vulnerability of his neck, the shape of his cock.

I enjoy petting him, not even really awake, feeling the texture of his skin under my fingertips. The softness of his rounded arse, that smooth skin behind his ear, his soft relaxed lips.

I need to know that if I roll over, I can fit my body against his and he will shift a little to make me comfortable, murmur unintelligible sounds at me, and push his skin against me for sweetness.

And if I want kissing, well, I want kissing right here right now!

I want all of those possibilities to be available to me, it just takes me some time to get comfortable enough to allow it.

Later on in bambi’s visit, he again fell asleep in my bed, this time still tied to the bedpost by his wrist. I didn’t have the heart to disturb him, so I let him sleep there (on *my* side, no less… see how lovely I am?!) while I went and did other things.

When I went to bed some time later, he was still out. I considered waking him to have him move to the other bedroom, but he looked so adorable, I couldn’t bear to do it. I slipped in beside him and actually managed to fall asleep without too much trouble. I was more comfortable with him by then, and maybe, I don’t know, but maybe, him being tied down made a difference somehow.

More testing required. You know, for science.

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posted by on dating, femdom relationships

You know what I liked about that movie? It gave us a short, easy phrase to explain this oh-so-simple concept.

And it really *is* simple.

Let me preface this with ‘in my experience’…

Men who are interested in you will move heaven and earth to be with you. They will.

They will be thinking about you as they go about their day, they will make you a priority, they will consider your feelings, they will work to make you happy, they will be clear if they are unavoidably busy for a while, even then they will still make time to be sweet to you because they miss you, they will pay attention to your moods and react accordingly, you will be top-of-mind for them.

Place a submissive mindset over the top and it amplifies *all of that*.

You can twist it any way you want and the closest second option if you are confused about his interest is “He’s not into you in a way that works for you”. The end result is the same.

There’s no such thing as ‘not enough time’, there are only priorities. And while life happens and you can’t *always* be the first priority, if you are NEVER the first priority, then yeah, have a think about that.

In short: If he really wants you, you will know it.

This PSA brought to you by the question, “He’s really great/nice/wonderful/sweet and he says he likes me, but he never has time for me/never initiates contact/disappears without a word/missed a date because he fell asleep/does some other things that make me question his interest, what should I do?”

DTMFA.

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posted by on advice for male subs, femdom relationships, musing

Sometimes submissives ask how they can help their dominant (especially their *new* dominant) become more comfortable in her dominance.

Come here, and I will let you in on a secret…

Ssshhhh…

Ready?

Here it is:

Submit!

Seriously. Do that.

I know it sounds as if I am being cute or something, but I’m not.

Do you want to know what I probably needed most from my submissive when I was finding my feet?

  • A safe space in which to assert myself.
  • To be certain that when I ask for something, he will comply.
  • To be confident that he is eager and willing to do it.
  • For him to demonstrate that he thinks that I am teh awesome for asking things of him.
  • To know that even if he *isn’t* eager, and doesn’t enjoy doing it that he is *still willing to do it for me anyway*.
  • To feel that he is made happy by giving me what I want, even when it’s difficult.
  • To have acknowledgement that my dominance is valuable to him.
  • For the exchange to feel like sweetness and affection.

Do you know what I probably need most from my submissive now that I have found my feet? STILL ALL OF THE ABOVE.

In short, I need him to submit to me in a way that works for me.

So do some work to learn what your dominant needs to feel from you in terms of your submission, and give her that.

See, I could have finished this post here, but THOUGHTS!

Back to the topic of vulnerability.

Remember my inner voice in this post? It took me a while to train that inner voice to not just go ‘Oh hell, he’s not going to do what I asked, I’ll just give up’ at the first hint of resistance, and then feel hurt and rejected over it. If that happened, I’d be reluctant to ask something similar of him again because I’d be scared that I would fail again (and that’s what it felt like: ‘failure’).

I know we all (okay, well, some of us) want to pretend that dominants are all domlydomdomdominant all over and all the time. But for all of that, you know what?

All a submissive has to do to break the D/s dynamic is say ‘no’ to things they don’t want to do, and keep saying it.

Seriously, that’s it. It’s really that easy.

Why?

Well firstly because when he says ‘no’, unless you have agreed otherwise, he is essentially withdrawing consent. But it’s more than that.

Simply put, for a D/s dynamic to work he has to submit, and saying ‘no, I don’t want to’ is not submitting.

If my submissive makes arbitrary choices about when he’s going to say ‘yes’ and when he’s going to say ‘no’, that’s not submission. That’s a vanilla relationship where he does what I want if he feels like it, and then doesn’t when it doesn’t suit him.

Some dominants are willing to spend time getting past some hesitance, reluctance, a half-hearted ‘no’, some bratty back-talk and if a submissive *needs* that to feel the dynamic, there is nothing at all wrong with it. Lots of people on both sides of the slash love having that push-pull in their dynamic.

But if your dominant is new, or is a little insecure, or is feeling vulnerable, then putting up resistance is a nightmare scenario that is likely to make her back down and just not bother trying any more (that is, she will withdraw her dominance). And that will hit her confidence hard: it’s really difficult to come back from that. The little voice in her head will have a field day telling her she’s a rubbish Domme, and probably selfish and bossy and petty and mean and NO-ONE WILL EVER LOVE HER!

It’s also a nightmare for someone who is getting to know you, and actually *isn’t sure what you are doing*. They are trying to divine the line between ‘being positively assertive’ and ‘being an unreasonable bitch’, and they are well aware that if they get it wrong, the whole situation can go bad very quickly. Goodness knows we are told enough times how much we have to care for our submissives (and fair enough too), and determining where that line is can often be difficult.

Personally, I’m willing to do some of that ‘pushing past resistance’, in fact, I’m happy to do it. I like the feeling where we are nudging up against each other to see how the land lies. My radar is pretty good now, and if I’m really not sure what is going on, I mostly don’t have a problem saying, “Look, your reluctance is making me feel bad, what’s going on?” But having said that, if his answer is some version of “I just don’t feel like it”, then we really DO have a problem that needs to be sorted out.

TL;DR: If you want to support your dominant’s dominance, then submit.

*sigh* Do I REALLY have to put a caveat here that there are legitimate reasons for saying ‘no’. Fine, there are. I’m not talking about those. Move on.

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Oh, there I am

Jun
2013
18

posted by on bambi, femdom relationships, musing

Earlier this year, I talked about how I worry sometimes that I’ve lost the hunger that drives my dominance. It doesn’t exist in a vacuum, it only comes alive when I have someone I want to aim it at.

When I haven’t felt it for a while, it becomes like some distant thing. Vaguely remembered, but shadowy, intangible.

Even though it didn’t work out with bambi, I am beyond delighted and grateful that he was a perfect target for the hunger. It was especially strong in the beginning before the emotional complexity complicated things and muted it. I got to experience again how the feelings could become too big for my body, like I needed more and endless space into which to throw all this aggression and violence, like it could fill some bottomless chasm.

I felt like ‘me’ again, the me that is somehow inaccessible otherwise. The me that waits quietly, that feels sometimes like it has disappeared.

I’d almost forgotten what that part of me was like, how it felt, and oh my god, I’ve missed it. That I got to unleash it with a man who looked at me, opened his arms and said ‘bring it!’ was a relief and a joy, a reminder of what it is I want.

I wondered at times if I was going to be able to control it, all that ferocity and passion that I hadn’t let loose in what felt like forever.

At one point in the middle of assaulting him, I paused to breathe and he looked at me with what felt like shock.

“You are so… aggressive…” he said, and I felt a little flutter of concern. “Hot!” he added before he opened up to me again.

I grinned at him, all teeth and snarling desperate want.

Yeah, I know.

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posted by on femdom relationships, happy femdom

The lovely AudioDiva was kind enough to share the story of meeting her boy, and how their relationship developed. She sweetly added that ‘life is pretty fantastic’, and their story bears that out. It’s just lovely *happy sigh*.

Author: AudioDiva

I met My boy last year while I was in the middle of a bad break up from my vanilla husband. My ex & I were in the BDSM scene when we met 10yrs before, but our relationship had always been vanilla & there came a time when our differences made it impossible to continue. I felt very broken, but a week after he left, for the last time after a year of problems, I went to our local Munch just to see what the community had to offer, since my previous experience was in another city. I was in no way ready to consider actually playing or getting into a relationship, but I had been gone from the scene for quite a while & in order to join the local group you have to attend 2 Munches, so I figured the sooner I got started the better. I had also joined Fet, which is the location of our local group’s online interactions, and read a lot of different profiles.

At my first Munch in over 10yrs, I sat at a table with this very nice, rather odd looking and yet adorable man, who introduced himself. I talked to him & a couple of others at the table. Everyone was very nice, but he actually gave me his Fet name & asked if I would like to Friend him. When he said his name I was surprised that his was one of the profiles that I had read closely and someone I had hoped to meet eventually. During the Munch he also mentioned that he played country & oldies music every week at a club about an hour from my home. Being broken, and needing a change, I decided that this might be just what I needed. At the same time we began chatting regularly on Yahoo. It turns out he was in a similarly broken state, following the break up of a 6yr Ds relationship and some major health problems (seizure disorder with poor prognosis at the time, along with back injury).

I went to the dance the next week & was surprised to see that I was the youngest in the room by about 20yrs. As it turns out the dances are marketed to seniors & at 38 I hardly qualified, but at the first dance he introduced me to some lovely ladies, & the gentleman were excited to have someone who had no idea how to dance, but was willing to learn. He watched all this from the stage & over time he had fun listening to all the come-on lines that were used. The following month he house-sat for a friend and I spent almost every night with him there. This was where we had our first scene, which changed everything for me. For the first time, in a VERY long time, I felt truly desired & desirable & adored – an EXTREMELY heady experience. It also became clear that he was a service sub who needed someone to serve & a place to work on large projects and I was living alone in a 3500 sq. ft. home that needed a lot of work.

As his house-sitting drew close to an end, I learned that he was looking for a new place to stay. While it was still early in our relationship, I assured him that, regardless of what happened between us romantically, he would have a place to stay in my house. Soon after he moved in, 14 months ago, it was clear that my house had become Our Home. Even though we each have a bedroom, we have never spent a night apart in the house, we just move back and forth between the two (this way we each have room for our stuff & I get to keep my waterbed). We now also have a dedicated Dungeon/Playroom & a guest room, thanks to his hard work.

I work during the week. Before I wake up, he gets up and makes me my Chai, along with his coffee, brings it to me & when I wake we perv Fet & talk until I start getting ready to leave. I usually make breakfast, since cooking is my only household chore. While I am gone he makes the bed, cleans the kitchen, along with other areas of the house, he makes floggers or play furniture, and does yard work. When I get home I make dinner & we hang out together, talking about our days & watching TV. Then we may have a tickle war, or we may have sex, but we always cuddle when falling asleep. On the weekends we go to local events, both BDSM & musical.

This is from my Fet profile writings just a month after he moved in & it is still true:
“My boy is always looking for ways to make my life easier – Some examples include: fixing things (chairs, toilets, internet issues, faucets, the perfect study area), making the bed, doing the laundry, planning improvements on the house, preparing me drinks and snacks before I leave for work (cooking is not his area), keeping me on point/on time/focused, singing to me, holding me when life gets overwhelming, making me laugh, letting me cry, telling me how beautiful I am until I really believe it, supporting my decisions – even when he disagrees, offering me a different viewpoint, listening, respecting my limits, giving me a shoulder to fall asleep on, and of course the most amazing HOT kinky sex I have ever had, anytime I want (who knew daily ass worship would make me insatiable) and someone to experiment with/on – of course this is just a few of the things he did this week, so who knows what he will offer next week :) ”

Of course this all depends on how he is feeling. Because of his health, he has good days & bad days, but in 14 months I can count on 1 hand the number of days he didn’t make my Chai and he has never failed to cuddle. With minimal stress his health has actually stabilized somewhat.

I admire his determination not to let his disability define him. I commend the money he raises for others in need. I love listening to him sing. I appreciate hearing his observations on human nature, because he is extremely intuitive & observant. I particularly love how he makes me feel valued, adored and desired in such fundamental ways. It just gives me a thrill when he calls me Ma’am, especially when I can flash back to his face buried in my ass or seeing him bent over working on my car.

While we do play, he is primarily a service sub & partner, so we are looking at including others for play only. I need to practice more so I feel more confident & he isn’t always up to it. Communication is definitely the key & I was reticent to suggest it until I felt we were both secure in our relationship. He knows that I have no interest in replacing him, merely improving our lives & playtime.

Although we are VERY different, in upbringing, age, education, experiences etc… this absolutely works for me because we are building something unique together. We are getting more involved in our BDSM community, hosting events & attending more often. I am launching my career & he is an amazing source of support.

Like all relationships, it requires work, but I cannot imagine my life without him. While he is not fond of the term, I am proud to claim him as My boy.

___

This post is part of an ongoing project to share happy, positive femdom relationship stories.  If you have a story and are willing to share it, please email it to me (ferns AT domme-chronicles DOT com).

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