When men say ‘no’ to me

I contacted a couple of local submissive men on a BDSM dating site. They said “No thanks” to me. Politely and pleasantly. I said, “Okay, best of luck finding what you’re looking for.” The End. ___ Things I didn’t say: “But why?” “No, really, explain to me why.” “You never even gave me a chance.” “Pleeeeaasssseeee, please pleaseplease.” “You’re really missing out, you know…” “Fucking arsehole, no wonder you’re single.” “No woman would want you anyway you ugly fat creep.” OR ANYTHING EVEN REMOTELY LIKE THAT. ___ Taking rejection well isn’t hard. […]

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Dating Schmating

I haven’t written about this: I might still, at some stage. But sometimes the whys and wherefores of difficult things are better left to sit quietly unspoken until there is no power left in them. Suffice it to say that I took a hit and feel like I am now gathering up my various resources, hoarding them until they are back at full strength. I took a tentative step out and reactivated my vanilla dating profile, […]

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Still single, just sayin’

I’ve been getting cute little congratulations about this very misleading post.  It’s super sweet and I do appreciate that people are happy about my apparent coupledom.  BUT…  In case you missed it, Drew is gay. Like Double Gold Star gay, as gay as the day is long (and I mean days-at-the-North-Pole-in-the-middle-of-summer kind of long). Still, I’m putting together a registry for cute couples gifts. […]

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The cub

He is young and reckless. A gambolling curious and sensitive kitten. Also a clumsy puppy who wiggles and wags and runs headlong into the furniture. Despite his outward playfulness, inside he is wounded and fearful, but he can be coaxed out of hiding to roll over and present his soft underbelly over and again. Smart, articulate, […]

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I’d rather have the terror, thanks

I’m angry, I’m hurt, I’m sad, and none of this is a surprise. Which is some comfort. Because I knew. And knowing means my instincts are good, solid, reliable. Knowing cushions the fall, makes the landing softer. “I don’t trust him,” I said, right there in black and white.  I was right. But I still kept a little piece of hope alive, […]

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Terror-struck

It is impossibly seductive to feel seen and be wanted. I don’t mean in a nice calm and measured way, over coffee, perhaps a pastry with a light sprinkle of icing sugar on top, civilised conversation, a polite nodding. I mean in that scary-intense way that crashes over you in waves. That way that feels ridiculous and frightening and tempts you to drown in it. It’s right on the border of ‘WTF?!’ […]

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Washing up

He was standing at the sink, washing up. I swear I didn’t touch a dish the entire time he was here. Lovely. I watched him for a moment or two. He was wearing longish shorts and a t-shirt, his body moving slightly as he scrubbed. I stepped in behind him, pressing gently against his back. My face resting against his shoulder blade. […]

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How far away is ‘too far’?

For me, distance is a practical problem: A logistical and financial hurdle for a relationship, not a show stopper. The must-have for it to grow, though, is communication that works extraordinarily well from afar. And by that I don’t mean ‘being able to string articulate sentences together’, I mean ‘being able to reach out in a way that fires me up, […]

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Eight and a half hours

Eight and a half hours later, he left. A much longer date than expected.  Late in the afternoon, we fortified ourselves with crackers, vegetable sticks, and dips I had prepared for snacks, and slices of chocolate mud cake and strawberries that he brought. When it got late though, way past dinner time, I had no real food to offer him. […]

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