Normally, the sent email is enough to tell the story, but this is one where I have to include the emails that arrived in my inbox for context…
5:51 PM
Hi Ferns. We chatted a while back. Still keen to serve. RealName (PlaceOfEmployment)
[I vaguely remember him, mainly because he is local and gave me his real name and employment credentials within a few emails last time. I recall patiently telling him to treat me like a normal human being and have a conversation with me, but I can’t remember any details of the previous exchange. I read the note above, looked at his profile, then the following arrived in my inbox…]
6:04 PM
Please Ferns. You are so alluring :)
6:23 PM
Please Ferns. RealName
6:41 PM
i would please You Maam…give me a shot
6:50 PM
Please Ferns
6:53 PM
nnnnnnn [his phone number]
7:29 PM
nnnnnnn please give me a call Ferns
7:47 PM
nnnnnnn i dare you
8:22 PM
Dr FirstName LastName PlaceOfEmployment call me nnnnnnn
8:28 PM
Please Ferns
9:44 PM
how come you dont reply to me
Hello RealName,
I read your first message, and then went off to do other things. I came back to find ten more messages that indicated to me that you were either drunk, desperate, emotionally unhinged or all of those.
I don’t remember our previous correspondence, but have a vague recollection that I have told you previously to try and engage in an intelligent way instead of throwing things out that make you seem mentally deficient.
Seriously, look at the emails that you sent me. Why on earth would an educated, intelligent woman who looks for the best of men be interested in someone who just repeatedly harrasses her with nonsense? What sort of deranged and desperate woman goes ‘oh, a bunch of emails from a stranger just asking for my attention over and over, now *there’s* a fascinating quality man who I want to get to know!’?
Please don’t contact me again. Trust me, I am not interested.
Ferns
19 comments
'Emotionally unhinged'…I absolutely Love that!!! LOL
Faith
That's just….urrrrgh
On the upside you have a phone number and other details for all those annoying online surveys etc
Coug
Hahahahaha… loved the riot act you sent him.
It still amazes me that no matter how many times you tell them this, that they still don't get it.
You know, there are places for people like that. They have bars on the windows.
I think he was being really cute, you were waaay to harsh on him. I wonder when will females start recognizing the persistance as a quality?
I don't understand what's with all this overrated expectance that conversation needs to be intelligent. And that sentences need. to have more than. five words.
God damnit, he gave you his real name, phone number and 3 hours and 40 minutes (!) of his undivided attention and you just stomp on his heart like that ?!
Shame on you.
Morikvendi
Maybe Ferns won't mind sharing his number or contact info with you Morikvendi! Sounds like a lovely match to me.
One fine fellow identified himself as switch when I started talking to him. Mind you, I am quite clear about my relationship and that I'm not looking for anything more than chats or possibly friends. But I later discovered it was bipolar disorder… so I had a similar chain of pokes. But they were basically I love you, I hate you, I love you, I hate you… wish I had kept that one to share. He even mixed in some ways to worship me, a few MAY be construed as death threats. I just can't imagine why this doesn't work out for them!
He seems like the kind of gentleman who might do best with a blow up doll… a tolerant 'lady' who will always be there for him and welcome his advances.
I can say that Ferns showed more heart and grace than pretty much ANY of you, and she was the one who had
A. Reason to fear him (probably low, but I'd understand fearing someone who was so cluelessly persistant and forward)
B. Reason to be annoyed with him
In short, Ms. Ferns shows why she is my favorite Domme: she straightforwardly stood up for herself while at the same time treating this guy as something other than a monster or a total annoyance and giving him clues as to what he can do to improve in the future.
I think she was right: his behavior was either creepy or desparate and probably both and plus he hadn't learned that conversation is important to get to know someone, pique their interest, and heck, establish trust. As he is now (and maybe he does need some type of mental or substance abuse help, maybe not) is not a catch and he needs to improve his behavior if he hopes that a Domme will feel safe with him and want to get to know him better.
But for all that, Mistress Ferns was polite if very firm and blunt, and on top of that she did leave him some advice. She knows her worth is high, but she has a heart and that is something I appreciate.
*Gives Ms Ferns a Hug*
Thank you on behalf of all socially awkward , mentally deficient, or substance abusing subs everywhere. They are still people too. I used to fall into the first category, I can assure you I ran into very few people (let alone Dommes) as kind and helpful as you, Ma'am.
Clarence
Faith: “'Emotionally unhinged'…I absolutely Love that!!!”
I wish I was joking about that, but seriously…? I blocked him after I sent the reply, but he can obviously contact me elsewhere and I half expected abuse after that. To his credit, I was wrong, and he has respected my request not to contact me again.
Ferns
Coug: “On the upside you have a phone number and other details for all those annoying online surveys etc”
*laugh* Oh, the possibilities!
Seriously, though, he did indeed place a lot of trust in me to give out that personal information when he doesn't know me.
Ferns
Maggie: “Hahahahaha… loved the riot act you sent him.”
*laugh* No no, that's nowhere *near* the riot act!!
“It still amazes me that no matter how many times you tell them this, that they still don't get it.”
I know, right? I am continuously baffled by it, truly. I do try to give the benefit of the doubt to men who somehow think this BDSM thing is a completely different world, but I am sure I had tried to reason with this one before. Either way, this was a grown man, educated, employed in a respected position, supposedly mature… and yet…?
I'm putting a reference to this advice in my About Me. That will help, right, right? Of course it will!
Ferns
slapshot: “You know, there are places for people like that. They have bars on the windows.”
*smile* Well on the scale of things, this was inappropriate and kind of creepy, but at least I didn't get the 'you are a stupid bitch anyway, you fucking cunt' etc, so you know, I feel lucky!
I have to say, though, that THIS is why I take my time before I will meet a man I have found online. I figure people can only hide the crazy for so long before it creeps out, and I'd much rather it be displayed with neon signs in a nice safe medium wayyy before I have given out my personal details.
Ferns
Morikvendi: “I wonder when will females start recognizing the persistance as a quality?”
*laugh* Yes, of course, you are so right. Blind determination and perseverance in the face of indifference is an admirable quality and it was ignorant of me not to recognise it as such.
“I don't understand what's with all this overrated expectance that conversation needs to be intelligent. And that sentences need. to have more than. five words.”
*sigh* I know, some women are sooo unreasonable!!
“Shame on you.”
I am truly shamed… *hangs head in shame*
Thank you for showing me the error of my ways… and now I shall conspire with Sweets to get the two of you together for a hot date… raaawwrrr!!
Ferns
Sweets: “Maybe Ferns won't mind sharing his number or contact info with you Morikvendi! Sounds like a lovely match to me.”
Done! I expect a follow up story from their first hot date!
“He even mixed in some ways to worship me, a few MAY be construed as death threats.”
Oh gosh, I have had some of those seriously worriesome ones, though none local, thank goodness. “Love/hate/love/hate/I WILL KILL YOU!!! jk… HAHAHEHAEHEHAAHHA!!!”
“I just can't imagine why this doesn't work out for them!”
You know I do wonder if sometimes it DOES work, (once in 100 times?) and that's why they keep doing it…
Ferns
DC: “He seems like the kind of gentleman who might do best with a blow up doll…”
Perhaps he already has one and learnt everything he knows about how to communicate with women from her!
Ferns
Clarence: “I can say that Ferns showed more heart and grace than pretty much ANY of you”
Are you berating my commenters? Come on now… there wasn't even a single swear word or name calling out of any of them!
“Thank you on behalf of all socially awkward , mentally deficient, or substance abusing subs everywhere. They are still people too. I used to fall into the first category, I can assure you I ran into very few people (let alone Dommes) as kind and helpful as you, Ma'am.”
You are most welcome, Clarence, and thank you for the lovely words, though I do suspect that 'kind and helpful' in this context do not quite fly.
Ferns
as a female sub, i never understand what the FUCK male subs are thinking…
… ever.
Mz Ferns,
I find your blog to be fun and enjoy the paradoxes of matching up Dominance with submissiveness in relationships which can hold together. Mine have not. I have used form letters hoping my gifts will show through my writings. But better yet would leaving a crowded bar with my hand in another's and stsying with her until I am unable. There I have poked my index finger in the air and made a comment. I will linger later to see if I should be proud or aghast at myself. ~~/;;/|
Anonymous: “I find your blog to be fun and enjoy the paradoxes of matching up Dominance with submissiveness in relationships which can hold together. Mine have not.”
Thank you, I'm glad you enjoy it, and I am sorry that your relationships have not held. Frankly, given I am single, it is correct to say that mine have not either!
“I have used form letters hoping my gifts will show through my writings.”
Frankly, I have no problem with form letters, but they HAVE to be good ones that show who you are and have enough originality to overcome the 'he didn't write this *just* to me' wank factor. I have responded to form letters positively (one that comes to mind speaks of him being a banana in jelly, it was funny and original).
“~~/;;/| “
*does vulcan signs and trusts that it is an appropriate response*
“I will linger later to see if I should be proud or aghast at myself.”
You should be proud, of course! Thank you for commenting!!
Ferns