I don’t think of myself as harsh or rude or any of those things.
Honest, yes (but not the ‘I’m just being honest’ type of brutality that people use to justify being an arsehole).
Forthright, you bet.
Sometimes impatient, sure.
Easily irritated (with strangers at least), yep.
But harsh? I tend(ed) to think not.
I had an exchange on a BDSM dating site the other day that both made me laugh and made me wonder if I AM harsh. I responded in an exasperated way to someone who replied to me with a terrible cliche. In my mind, I was giving him a chance to regroup and engage with me in a realistic way but perhaps I was using a cudgel instead of giving him a nudge with a small pokey stick.
It started with an unsolicited note from a submissive that referenced the warning on my profile that I would probably not reply to emails unless they were outstanding because I prefer to do the hunting. He read my profile, which is a big tick, the email was a bit cute, so okay. In his email, he referred to himself as ‘fair game’ and mentioning doe eyes. It was cute enough that I replied in a similar tone.
Hello [potential prey],
Game has to have an enticing scent to attract a hunter.
Your profile smells of… hmmm… not much of anything useful… [3 lines, vague and uninformative]
What makes you worth chasing?
Of course, I was asking for conversation, to learn about him. His reply was… disappointing: A snippet of noise with no substance.
Unquestioned obedience Ma’am. Imagine having someone who would offer there[sic] all
I’m already at ‘nah’ both on form and content, but I thought, “Okay let’s see if he will step up if I push him out of this trite nonsensical non-thinking.”
Hello [potential prey],
You missed my point and an opportunity.
If ‘your all’ is a boring one dimensional individual with no interests, no ambition, no emotional life, no intellectual pursuits, no challenging job, no hilariously ridiculous jokes, no romance, no wooing, no thoughts to entertain and delight and fascinate me day in and day out, why would I be at all interested?
Unquestioned obedience from such a man is not something that appeals to me.
So I will ask you again: What makes you worth chasing?
I’m probably not suited to you Ma’am
I seriously couldn’t stop laughing when I read it (even now, it makes me laugh).
I mean, he’s right of course. And I REALLY appreciate him seeing it and politely saying so out loud: That’s rare. It’s just… so fucking funny.
I often wonder why people think I’m intimidating, but if I re-read my exasperated response, I can absolutely see someone going “Woah lady, this is NOT hot, NOT fun, and NOT what I signed up for: Hell to the no!!”
Okay, so fine, maybe I can be a little harsh.