Ragefest

I’m restless today. And angry. And impatient. And annoyed.

It’s free floating, unfocussed, there is not ‘a thing’ to pin it on, though I am still pinning it on a number of things.

It will pass, of course it will. We all have moods, right?

But the short term result is that my usual patient kindness (shut up, I AM!) has been replaced by an intolerant fed up pissiness.

I’ve already written it out for myself, madly scribbling down thoughts and reasons and anger that would tear through the page were I using a pen and paper. Trying to rid myself of it. Lots of external blamey shit that isn’t really the problem but that’s easy to point at and go ‘THAT. THAT IS PISSING ME THE FUCK OFF. AND YOU. YEAH YOU. YOU ARE PISSING ME THE FUCK OFF TOO!’

I’ve directed it externally a bit also. Because ‘FFS! I CAN’T STAND TO DEAL WITH YOUR IDIOTIC CRAP TODAY!’

But really it’s just coming from me. Would be easier if I was angry AT someone FOR something, but it’s like a rage-cloud that is just floating around in my head, infecting everything it touches.

The only thing that is cheering me up is thinking about all the fantasists who imagine that this bitchified version of me would be a dream come true. It would probably take about 2 seconds for them to realise that it’s not fun. Because it’s not. Pissed-off-me just wants you to GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY FACE RIGHT NOW! What pissed-off-me does NOT want to do is expend energy on someone who is so insensitive that they think that me being in a bad mood is ‘fun’.

Because FUCK YOU!

/ragefest

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25 Comments

    1. Oh sure! Assume it’s all about you! That’d be right. Because you you you YOU YOU YOUUUUU!!

      You know I coined the phrase ‘Carly-Simoning’ for this, right?

      Definition: When you think something is about you, but it’s not, you are Carly-Simoning.
      Usage: I wasn’t even talking about you! You are completely Carly-Simoning!

      Ferns

  1. I think we decided to share the same mood today. I don’t imagine your bad mood as fun at all. I imagine me being caught between trying to do what I can for you and also wanting to hide in the corner quietly somewhere too. Oddly I often do get asked how as a lesbian do I handle my partners when they are in ragey moods. I always answer “stay the hell out the way.”

    I know from experience there is nothing that can be said or done to really help you pass through it but know I am here all the same my friend.

    Respectfully,
    Mysticlez

  2. As usual.. I feel you are talking for me…
    Of course.. The articulate… Amazing word smith me
    Which does not exist….
    I adore reading your words..that mostly ring so true for me…
    Thank you….

  3. I shouldn’t laugh but I did chuckle at this entry.
    I was in this very same mood yesterday and I kept thinking ” where the hell is a punching bag when I need one!”… Being a Moody Judy is just one of my poorer qualities however when I reflect I usually find something insightful to write about later. Relax Ferns, have some champagne :)

    1. *laugh* If you have ragey moods, you have to KNOW that telling someone to ‘relax’ while in it is just going to make them more ragey!

      It’s okay though, I didn’t see this until it had dissipated already. Totally relaxed now :).

      Ferns

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