Et tu, sex-voiced Texan?

I’ve been avoiding writing about this, not because it didn’t turn out the way I wanted (spoiler alert: it didn’t), but because I was hoping for it to end well and I wanted to allow enough time for that to happen (then more time, then a bit more…).

By ‘ending well’, I don’t mean ‘the way I wanted’, I mean with mutual respect and bitter sweetness.

But I have to face that that’s not going to happen and THAT makes me sad and disappointed and angry.

I hate that it would have been so EASY to end it well (SO easy!), but he has apparently decided that it’s all too hard, or perhaps he’s decided that it just doesn’t matter. I really have no idea.

When he was floundering, when it felt like he was withdrawing and we were sorting it out, we had this exchange:

Me: …I’m going to ask you for a promise: please don’t disappear from me without a word, because that’s really hurtful. Of all things, it’s the most hurtful because it shows so little regard or care. I don’t expect you would, but sometimes people who feel scared do things that are out of character.

Him: … I want you to know I would never in my life just cut off communication with you… EVER.

And I believed him. Though I guess once you end things, all bets are off. But I trusted him. And I feel hurt that my trust was misplaced much MORE than I feel hurt that it’s done.

So the story of the sex-voiced Texan goes like this:

We started talking in December. He commented in a group discussion, I looked at his profile, I ‘loved’ one of his photos, he sent me a sweet email.

And the connection, THE connection: you know what I mean: Sparkles and laughter and sweetness and intimacy and longer and longer conversations.

With an optimistically planned visit pushed out to ‘goodness knows when’, though, he started to withdraw.

I asked him what was going on and it was clear that he was struggling with ‘whatever this was’, this remote connection with no concrete plan. He didn’t know what to do with the feelings when there was nowhere to put them.

I completely understand that. I laid out the facts (that this would not end happily, that he would be hurt, that it would be easier to end it now than later), and I asked him to make a decision. I was very clear with him that I thought it would be worth it to see where we could take this. I really REALLY liked him, and that happens so rarely for me.

He wrote me a really difficult email that included such sweetness (“you are far beyond any other woman I have ever talked to” and “I like you so incredibly fucking much that I don’t want to stop with you”), but he couldn’t do it. The potential hurt scared him so badly. He is not a man who makes himself vulnerable easily, he worked hard to do that for me to the extent that he did. He said he wanted to stay in touch.

I could have let it go then, thanked him sweetly for everything (which I did), and faded away quietly. But I am not really the ‘fading away quietly’ type when there is something I want, and I didn’t want to leave a ‘what if’ on the table without making sure I had exhausted all possibilities. I decided to break my ‘hard’ rule about not financing an LDR again, and I asked him if he would be open to meeting if I paid for it, if that changed anything.

And then I waited for a reply.

I got silence.

And more silence.

I waited. God, the waiting. It drives me mad.

Eventually (apparently I am a slow learner), it became clear to me that he had no intention of replying.

I was floored, hurt, disappointed as that realisation became clear.

So I waited a little longer.

I finally sent him a note letting him know that I had heard him loud and clear in the silence of the void, I thanked him for the pleasure of the time he spent with me, I wished him well.

He never replied to that either.

I’m hurt LESS by it ending, because I understand that decision, and well, that’s life, and MORE by his choice to simply stop communicating with me when I had laid my vulnerability at his feet. I know that saying ‘no’ to me isn’t easy, but he had handled our communications up to that point with maturity and grace, and I expected no different with this. In all honesty, I expected him to decline: I was ready for it. What I was NOT ready for was his deafening silence.

I expected more from him: he had shown me over and over that he was a man of his word, so it hits hard. It makes it feel as if all of it is now suspect, as if none of it mattered, or meant anything. As if every sincere thing he said, every mega-watt smile, every sweetness we shared was worth nothing.

So now instead of coming away with memories of something sweet that didn’t work out, I am carrying a little core of resentment and hurt in my hands, and I hate that. I really hate it.

And it’s THAT feeling that scores ridges in my heart, creates scar tissue, makes it harden, become jaded. And I really hate that too.

 

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71 Comments

  1. Very sorry, Ferns. Total gut-punch, that. Nothing anyone else does to us hurts worse than the moment we whisper to ourselves, “fuck…none of it was real, was it?” As you have ever-so-kindly pulled for me (and so, so many others) in past responses, I was strongly pulling for you and TS-VT.

  2. Oh Ferns, I’m so sorry. I’ve been there, waiting for the message that never comes. Nothing is more frustrating! Especially from someone who specifically said they’d never do that to you (been there, done that, too).

    1. I’m so sorry you’ve experienced it. I think I’ve been lucky for the most part.

      I HAVE experienced the slow fade (and have done it myself) with various levels of acquaintance and have no problem with that, but that’s VERY different from a mid-important-conversation-where-you-offer-up-something-that’s-a-big-deal-to-you disappearance :(.

      Ferns

  3. I am so very sorry. Submissive men are men and submissive women are women, and it’s so easy for people — especially newbies — to forget the facts of life.

    There’s part of me, too — the oblivious, naive part of me, which imagines that as a dominant woman, I’d have a better hand on the tiller of my emotions and the joystick of my emotions. Alas, that’s not the case. If anyone can offer concrete suggestions to prevent the hurt or make it stop, I’m all ears.

    Fern, my sister, my heart is with you.

    1. Thank you for the kind words: I appreciate it.

      I don’t mind hurt, you know, if it’s good honest hurt that comes from taking risks and wearing the consequences. I will run at that every time.

      But this is a resentful kind of disbelief hurt, it’s bitter instead of clean. And the fact that it was *so unnecessary* makes it hard to shake.

      Ferns

  4. I’m very sorry to read this. Seems pretty unbelievable. And the thought of you with (any/more) scar tissue feels so tragic.

    Not to encourage hope, but maybe a chance for a bit less anger, is there any possibility something happened eg deep misunderstanding (a la your first) or an impulsive move by him that meant he didn’t get your emails?

    1. Oh DC. You’re a man after my own heart *smile*.

      If you don’t imagine that I ran every possible scenario in my head, you’d be wrong. It’s SO out of character for him that I (really really) wanted to find excuses for him.

      Then I started to worry and fret. Maybe ‘something serious’ happened (this niggles at me). Maybe my emails went astray (this has NEVER happened in all of these months). Maybe he sent all my emails to an ‘I can’t bear to deal with this’ folder and didn’t see them, or saw them and didn’t read them (he has told me that he didn’t listen to my last audio because it would make him too sad). Maybe he sent a reply and THAT went astray (again, never happened previously). Maybe I should just send a message via another medium to be SURE there isn’t some misunderstanding here (stalker anyone?). Maybe… maybe…

      But you know what?

      If someone told me this happened, and then tried to find excuses for it, I’d be all “FFS, stop it: Dude bailed!”

      Occam’s razor: The MOST likely explanation is that he just went ‘nup’.

      So yeah, there’s an infinitesimal chance it’s not what it seems, and I am sorely tempted to try other forms of contact, but you know what? If someone wants rid of me, I don’t WANT to be that person who gets all up in their face about it: if he made that choice, it’s his to make and I’m going to respect it.

      I appreciate your thoughts, thank you *smile*.

      Ferns

    2. I keep thinking about this now (like I haven’t thought about it enough already).

      I want to send a note: “Look, just tell me you’re safe and well so I can continue to be resentful and hurt without that niggling fear, mkay?”

      :)

      Ferns

  5. Once agagain I completely identify with ALL of this post.
    It’s the questioning “was it real” that kills Me. I tried to just say “ques sera ” the last time it happened but I ended up feeling even more ticked off. I hate that feeling ! It’s like something scratching underneath my skin! I have to take a hiatus. I have to sort out my feelings. After a few months I can bring myself to at least participate in forums. I wish this had gone the other way! I’m so sorry Ferns:-(

    1. Yes, all of that. Going from sweetness to hurtfulness when there was no animosity, no anger, no *reason* for it makes you wonder.

      I keep turning it over in my head: he’d done the hard bit already in saying ‘no’ to me. It would have taken SO LITTLE to just reiterate his position and we could have parted sweetly with gentle patting and loveliness.

      It just seems like such a shame.

      Ferns

  6. Ferns –

    So sorry to see this. I have read your posts, your books, everything I can get my hands on and have seen nothing but the incredibly respectful way you treat others, and ask to be treated. It’s so rare, that way you are, and to see it lost on someone is horrid.

    I wish I had words of wisdom, or ideas on how to make it easier, or ideas on how to understand. I have nothing. Just know that so many of us out here know how magical you are.

    Steeled Snake

    1. Thank you so much for the sweetness, I really appreciate it *smile*.

      Also, wow, that’s a lot of reading! I’m completely delighted.

      Ferns

  7. Just a possibility: he might’ve blocked you to dissuade himself from messaging you and to “officialise” the entire end of things. So he might not have even received your messages.

    1. He might have done, but a) he SAID he wanted to keep in touch and b) he’s then (even more deliberately) breaking his “I would never cut off communication” promise, so that possibility doesn’t actually make anything better.

      Ferns

  8. Fern bloody hell..I’m so sorry it went this way…
    And so sad he chose that way….it’s so hurtful.
    Lucky me…I have never experiencesd it…
    But I have to say … it was real… There was a real
    Connection…. I need to believe that…
    Sending you hugs…

    1. I need to believe it also. If for no other reason than I need to retain *some* trust in my own judgement.

      He made some poor decisions that led to this ending badly, but I can’t write everything off because of it.

      Thanks for the hugs *hugs*.

      Ferns

    1. Thank you.

      And yeah, there are a million possibilities as to ‘why’, but in the end you’re right: it really doesn’t matter. The outcome is the same.

      Ferns

  9. Hey Ferns,

    Had been lurking up untill now, but decided to step out of the shadows for just a second to express my deepest sympathy for you. The Internet and LDR bring a lot of issues with it, but the feelings are just as real as when there are no computers and distance involved. I was rooting for the two of you, and can only imagine the feeling of loss and sadness with it. Hope your heart will heal and you will find that one special boy that doesn’t leave you behind and doesn’t stop communicating. Good luck!

    1. Thank you so much for delurking with this lovely comment and the good luck wishes *smile*.

      I think one of the main differences with the distance is that I can’t rock up at his house and go ‘Come and talk to me’, a fact which makes it so much *easier* to just disappear.

      Ferns

  10. Oh no.

    I do think people have the right to change their minds, especially when the hard emotional part of a breakup finally hits, but a note to say that it was too hard and a final goodbye would have been better.

    You deserve better than an easy lie.

    1. If we had been having random chit chat in the aftermath of saying ‘no it’s not going to work’ and had all that sorted, his silence would have been no big deal.

      But that’s not what happened.

      And yes, I think we ALL deserve better than silence when we lay our emotional vulnerability at someone’s feet.

      Ferns

  11. Sorry to hear that. It can be so devastating to find out that a person you like is not what you thought, makes it feel like a lie and you were being deceived, never a nice feeling. And when you have made yourself vulnerable, and gone the extra mile for them, and then they do that, so hurtful.

    1. Yes, all of that.

      I’m trying pretty hard to come to a balance of belief that I can live comfortably with.

      I might write another post about that, though part of me thinks it would be better to just put it behind me and stop thinking about it.

      Ferns

  12. I’m having a failure of imagination here. I can’t imagine a submissive man saying to himself, “I might have the opportunity to be in Fern’s life, there is a credible chance I might be allowed at her feet…naah, I’ll pass.”

    1. *laugh* I appreciate that.

      Actually I have no problem imagining ‘naah, I’ll pass’.

      I DO have a problem imagining ‘naah, I’ll pass, AND I’LL COMMUNICATE THIS WITH MY DEAFENING SILENCE!’

      Oh wait. I DON’T HAVE TO IMAGINE THAT! :P

      Ferns

  13. I can see things not working out, but I will never understand the dead silence part.

    As much as I abhor difficult emotional situations, I don’t know if I could just stop responding like that… Especially if I care about someone.

    I’m sorry that it didn’t work out with the sweetness and mutual respect.

    1. Yep, 100% that first sentence.

      I’d like to think I would NEVER do that, but god, who knows. Maybe I’ve done it in the past and just forgotten. Maybe I will do it in the future for some reason/s that make sense to me at the time.

      But I really really hope not. Because it sucks.

      Ferns

  14. Gawd….. The unknown! All of a sudden they are no where in the room and you still hear the music playing and are still dancing….looking for the last goodbye…the last look…the words, “I wish things were different.”

    It does tear away at all the beauty you felt before. It diminishes the sweet words and makes you wonder if you’re loosing your radar of meaningless talk. You shake your head…’No it was real’.

    You desperately seek an ending that makes sense… but know you’ll never find it. You hold your heart softly…and whisper, “Do not harden….”

    Damn… sigh… another day is around the corner.

    xxoo

    ~ Vista

  15. I am sorry to hear that things didn’t work out with Sex Voiced Texan the way you would of liked. From my experience I know it hurts and sucks a bit and is frustrating. However something tells me you are going to do fine! *smile*.

  16. It’s sucks that you opened up and then got shut out. It absolutely does. It could still be however that he really had no wish to hurt you even though he clearly has.

    Once you’ve “let yourself go” into a relationship, coming out of that can be a little like waking up from falling in love to find yourself falling off a (very high) diving board and into a shockingly chilly swimming pool. Oh, and you’re about to belly flop in too, so pain and embarrassment accompanies the cold-shock.

    For someone who’s new to the emotional reality of a particular type of relationship this could all be particularly severe.

    He may simply not know what to say to you now. Or he may have taken steps to protect himself from a potential dilemma, for example by not checking his email (Schrodinger’s Domme?) .

    Or, he might have suffered a stroke while lifting.

    Anyway, I hope things aren’t too bad.

    Yours,

    Professor Nubbins,
    Buggerington University,
    England

    1. I think your guess at ‘protective mode’ is probably right (I REALLY like the idea of ‘Schrodinger’s Domme’ *laugh*).

      I’m working hard not to entertain the idea that anything bad happened. I can’t have that in my head (and seriously, it’s VERY unlikely!), so I’m going to pretend I didn’t read that.

      No, they aren’t too bad. It is what it is. I’ll move past it, and hopefully not bring this experience into the next time.

      Ferns

  17. I’m so sorry for your hurt, Ferns. It seems so much worse given that you’d specifically asked that he not simply break communication, and he had promised that he would never do that. I am sure that this caused you anxiety as to his well-being in addition to needing to hear his answer.

    It is important to me too that every effort is made to end a relationship on as good terms as possible. There’s enough regret and pain in the end without adding to it with bad feeling.

    I hope for all the best for you. Try not to let the scars harden you. I really like what little I know of you through your writing.

    ~ Secret

    1. Thank you for the good wishes.

      You know, I sometimes think I elicit that promise of ‘not cutting off contact’ LESS because I think someone will honour it, and MORE because it means I can then feel justifiably angry if they do it because they KNOW 100% that it would hurt me, and because they clearly broke a promise, and they chose to do it anyway.

      It gives teeth to my feelings of badness: removes doubt about ‘well maybe they just thought it didn’t matter’. They knew it mattered, and did it anyway. And that says something about the regard in which they hold me, their consideration for my feelings, and how they value their promises, and that knowledge is valuable to me in dealing with it.

      Ferns

  18. Ferns

    1. Maybe he believes that having “broken up,” he should make the break as clean as possible, despite what he promised and because it would cause you great hurt. There are men who believe that breaking up in the most painful way is considerate because it leaves no room for “what ifs” – see “Bad Influence” with James Spader and Rob Lowe. Just like biting the head off a chicken.

    2. We all share your pain, but what if you met the guy and it was “Happily Ever After?” Most importantly, what would happen to the blog?

    Or, yeah, maybe he had a stroke while lifting. Or posing.

    Welcome back Ferns!!!

    1. 1. No. Just, no. Because it wasn’t clean. The *clean* way would be to say ‘I can’t talk to you, I can’t be friends’ and be done. Whereas he wrote in his *last email* that he wanted to keep in touch. So I don’t buy any justification that suggests that he thought being dishonest and hurtful was the ‘right’ thing to do ‘for ME’ because REASONS.

      I think there are reasons, yes, and I can probably understand some of them, but don’t you dare paint them as altruistic in any way: it makes me (surprisingly) ragey *shakes tiny fists of rage*.

      2. What if it was ‘happy ever after’? Happiness is what!

      I tell my best stories in my ‘happily ever after’! My blog started in the midst of a happy relationship, the first couple of years of blogging were spent in the throes of it.

      If I’m in a relationship, I will write about awesome play and intense intimacy and sweet moments and difficult emotions and ridiculous hilarity and how he breaks my heart a little every day with how amazing he is. If you want my blog to thrive, you should wish that for me!

      And he did NOT have a stroke! Stop that!

      Thank you for the welcome back: have I been somewhere?

      Ferns

      1. Ferns

        LOL

        Are you telling me what I dare do and what I don’t dare do? That is funny. If you haven’t seen the movie, watch it and then we can chat.

        Best.

  19. I read this and my heart is aching with you. I know so well how it feels.
    I have had someone suddenly disappear from view never to surface again… and even though it was nothing as sweet and lovely as your exchanges with TS-VT were (imho him bailing does NOT make all of the previous exchanges less real!) it still hurt and kept my mind occupied for way more time than I would have thought.

    It also never quite leaves you…

    I am in regular contact with a very sweet boy who seems to just *click* with me… but because of things like the aforementioned incident my biggest fear is that one day he will just disappear without a trace, leaving me to ponder whether I just imagined him and all the wonder that I thought there was like you would imagine a magic unicorn… *sigh*

    1. “I have had someone suddenly disappear from view never to surface again”

      :(. Sucks.

      “imho him bailing does NOT make all of the previous exchanges less real!”

      Thanks for that. I believe that also, not just because it makes me feel better (though there’s that) but because I can’t see any reason why he would have engaged for so long if it was all just game playing.

      I keep saying this (to myself as well as outwards) to emphasise what it was and wasn’t: there was no sexy-hot chat or cam play or anything like that in it, so the only reason for sticking it out for so long was purely the pleasure of my company and conversation.

      “but because of things like the aforementioned incident my biggest fear is that one day he will just disappear without a trace”

      Ugh, I hear you and I’m scared that I will carry it with me just like that. I wrote about how I felt guilty once before when I didn’t trust him to do what he said he would, and I blamed previous experience on that.

      Finding the balance between ‘learning from experience’ and ‘carrying negative baggage’ is tricky.

      I hope for the very best for you and the sweet boy you’ve found.

      Ferns

  20. I had an online relationship for about a year, and it ended abruptly a few months ago. We had been planning to meet in person and spend a few days together, but all that vanished like mist at sunrise when she emailed me to say it was all over, just days before we were due to meet.

    In my case, there was communication, but it didn’t make it any easier. The suddenness, the short notice, etc., all added to the “wtf?” feelings.

    I ended up wondering whether everything that we had shared together had been a lie after all, or whether something I had done or said had been the cause.

    Eventually you feel able to trust again and you’re ready to move on. The regrets take longer to dissipate.

    ~ S

    1. Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that :(. That’s REALLY horrible.

      The ‘disappearing’ thing is hurtful, but (obviously) breakups are no picnic, and that one sounds entirely awful. Still, I’m REALLY glad for you that she at least TOLD you and didn’t just… well… not show up to your meeting and then never communicate with you again.

      I have to admit that your story makes me think that there was a lie in there that would have been discovered if you had met because of the timing. I want to ask all sorts of questions, but of course it’s none of my business. But I will say this: even if she was lying about ‘something’, I’m willing to bet that whatever you exchanged was real enough.

      I LIKE to believe in people, and mostly it’s no skin off my nose if they are lying their arses off, so until it matters I don’t give a hoot if they are making shit up. But with those I allow close, I’m reserved enough without putting a layer of distrust on top. I’m going to try really hard not to do that.

      Ferns

      1. Thank you, Miss Ferns,

        I think you’re right, that what we exchanged was real. It certainly felt like it, and that makes it something to remember fondly rather than to try to forget.

        It was probably for the best that it ended when it did. Maybe meeting up would have only made it more complicated and difficult when the end came.

        Trust is so important, and yet so easily damaged. Once damaged, it can be hard to restore. Keep trusting, Miss. I will try to do the same.

        ~ S

  21. We are so sorry that this tuned out the way it did. Bonnie and I loved all of your writings on the “Texan”. It was a pleasure for us to hear the sheer joy your words contained. While the internet has been a blessing in many ways, it has allowed too many to slip away without even a word. Closure and comforting nostalgia are difficult without the blessing of a “goodbye”. Bonnie and I continue to love your writing and hope peace returns quickly to you. Respectfully stan

    1. Thank you for the kind thoughts. He did give me joy: I’m getting around to holding that close and letting this go. It might take a little while, but I’ll get there.

      I hope you are both doing well.

      Ferns

  22. This post is really hard to read. After the first few sentences, knowing how it would be ending, I just sort of skimmed through. I know I’ll go back and read it properly, but how could that happen?

    Oh Jesus, and you even that THAT embarrassing exchange with him? The one with vulnerability and no bullshit and then… and then…. ?

    I hate to think of you having to suffer such annoying emotions and then not wanting to suffer them but the damn things clinging to you like they do. Hopefully whatever I sponge up when reading means less annoying emotions for you. It works that way, right?

    Also I’m hoping you got extremely drunk at some point immediately afterwards. That’s almost mandatory.

    And when the next slave finds himself being whipped so hard every part of his skin feels like it’s on fire, I hope he takes it like a man and proves himself to you.

    Now I have to go back and read the whole damn thing properly and feel horrible for a while.

    So beautiful that you would be willing to share this with us all here. We’re not really worth it but it’s nice to be mistaken for people who are

    1. *smile* The sponging up is working!

      Actually, the lovely supportive comments from people helps because it reminds me that for the most part people are good and kind (and you are all totally worth it!), and in the scheme of things, this is really no big deal. And that helps me move past it.

      Thanks so much for the spongery (is SO a word!).

      Ferns

  23. CAUTION: Rant Contained Herein

    This hit a little too close to home for me to respond without fury the first time I read it.

    I’ve been there. We can each only ever walk in our own shoes, so I can’t say “I know what you’re feeling” but I know what *I* felt (and feel, still) processing a similar situation in my own life, and it was (and is) a peculiar kind of grief, made worse by the ‘left hanging’ lack of closure.

    This post also – coupled with some others I’ve read recently – stirs up an internal tirade I’ve long held at bay about TRUST. So.many.times, from the submissive side of things, we hear “It’s all about trust” and “I have to be able to trust my Dom/me completely” etc, etc, ad nauseum. But you know what? Trust goes both ways. Vulnerability goes both ways.

    I find myself wanting to say to every submissive who assumes a dominant is bulletproof: We are not somehow constitutionally incapable of being hurt just because we are In Charge.

    And when I’ve laid my TRUST *and* my VULNERABILITY at someone’s feet, it is NOT OKAY for that person to just up and walk away without a word. Yet it happened to me. It happens. It happens to the best people in the world. FAR TOO OFTEN.

    And I am so very sorry to hear it has happened to you, Ferns. You deserve so much more. <3

    1. Mrs Fever (and Ferns),

      I was going to add my own comment but then read yours and realized, truly, I have nothing to add. But I also recognized why it took me a while to get around to responding. For the same reasons you outline.

      I f*cking hate the feeling you describe, and the fact that each time I give of myself, my vulnerability and trust, and it is not treated with care, I start to rebuild the walls that I’m desperately trying to keep down.

      Sigh.

      Ferns, I’m sorry. Wish I was there to share a bottle of wine and drown our co-sorrows.

      Ann
      xo

      1. “each time I give of myself, my vulnerability and trust, and it is not treated with care, I start to rebuild the walls that I’m desperately trying to keep down.”

        Yes. Exactly that.

        I’m already cautious and reserved and a serious introvert and possibly a misanthrope. I DON’T NEED ANY MORE WALLS *laugh*.

        And yes to the wine and the drowning of sorrows. Cheers!

        Ferns

    2. Thank you so much for your fabulous rant Mrs Fever *smile*.

      I’m just going to add a bunch of nodding, especially about the trust and vulnerability.

      I think I’ve been lucky that this is the first time this has happened to me, and as I type that I realise what a testament it is to *how often it happens* that I think that I’m ‘lucky’.

      I HAVE had people stop talking to me after something didn’t work out, and I have no issue with that, but for it to happen in the middle of an unfinished and amicable ‘what can we do here?’ conversation?! Yeah, that’s a special kind of horrible.

      I wish I had a lesson to learn here, but I’ve not found it yet.

      I appreciate your kind thoughts, thank you for them.

      Ferns

  24. I don’t get people who do this. At all. If I’ve decided someone I’ve developed a close relationship with of any kind won’t be hearing from me, they know. Sometimes they probably wish I’d just vanished, I’m sure. I don’t do the “We’ll be friends but never mind, that’s a lie, WHOOPSIE!” crap. If I can’t talk I’ll clearly tell them. If they need to know why, guess what? I’ll tell them that too. If I change my mind, I’ll tell them and let them decide if they wish to communicate again as well. But I never lie or agree to something I know I won’t do. What’s the point? It’s just more hurt and bitterness and anguish for them to process and if we’ve broken up, we’ve already got enough to process.

    1. I don’t get it either and I wish everyone could be as clear as you are with each other.

      If we’re strangers, acquaintances, occasional correspondents, casual friends, exes: sure, go poof. I get it.

      If we’re at the stage where we (supposedly) CARE about someone and are specifically sorting out ‘what now?’ AND they’ve specifically said they wouldn’t stop communicating AND they’ve specifically said they wanted to keep in touch… and then they ‘poof’?

      It’s beyond my comprehension: I don’t know what to do with that.

      So I’m working on being generous about it: He’s dealing with his life the best he knows how and I hope he’s doing okay.

      Ferns

  25. “Him: … I want you to know I would never in my life just cut off communication with you… EVER.”

    Hey Tex. You fucking liar.

    1. Right?! *waves fist*

      Your comment made me come back and read this post and all the lovely comments. It was a bummer, but honestly, my readers are the best!

      Ferns

      1. I am sorry that I was the cause of you feeling bummed out revisiting this. That one thing stood head and shoulders above all the others, and I’m calling him on it.

        You’re right about your readers, they’re an incredibly supportive bunch.

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