In this moment…

afterwards kissing
– from ‘Afterwards, kissing’

So strange when I read some of my old posts. Many are born from grand passion, pinpoint-glimpses of bright intensity, and I see those moments through a veil of detachment now. Like they were experienced by a different person. And I also see them anew, and I think ‘Yes, that!’ as if those memories weren’t something I ever had myself, as if they were someone else’s, something to covet from afar.

I miss kissing SO much. Of all things, it’s what I miss most. The heartbreaking intimacy of it, the aggression and violence, the tenderness, the sighing endless pleasure of that exploration.

I’m not melancholy, though I think these thoughts have that flavour.

I’m just thinking out loud.

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7 Comments

  1. Sometimes I look at things I wrote a year or two ago, and it seems so distant. I don’t feel detached from it, there’s still a thread, tethering it to me. I can still put myself in that state of mind. And, with the right person, I could get that passion back, if not the newness and feeling of wonder. But it feels so very distant.

    Passion is a tough thing to write about literally, so to put it in figurative terms, if passion and desire is a fire, then mine is currently burned down to coals. There’s still heat there, and if someone with a little bit of knowledge cared to stoke it, they could soon find themselves with a roaring fire.

    1. I know exactly what you mean.

      I have, in the past, had a terrible fear that the fire had completely burnt out and I’d never be able to rekindle it. Because it feels like it’s dead and gone.

      I have learnt over the years (to my great relief) that this just isn’t true. It just takes a very special set of circumstances to relight it, and that happens rarely.

      Ferns

  2. Kissing is so very intimate to Me, when ever think back about a former partner it’s one of the first things that come to mind. I don’t necessarily compare one person to another. I just like to linger on those moments. I think it’s why I peek when I kiss a guy for the first time. I want to remember everything. His eyelashes. Facial features. All that mushy stuff. Lol.

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