Femdom stereotypes are rife, and they get perpetuated by both sides of the slash. It’s really frustrating to see the same thing come up over and over.
Her: I’m supposed to be a cold hard bitch
Him: You’re supposed to be a cold hard bitch
Her: ~has a bad day, cries, needs cuddles~ Oh noes, I’m not a real dom!
Him: Wow, you’re weak. You’re not a real dom!
Rinse and repeat.
It’s the curse of inexperience and fantasy and it’s so very common. And often it will take several goes at failed relationships where this expectation over-rides humanity to realise that it’s really stupid and destructive.
The result of those failures for many women is a confidence blow that has them believing that they aren’t ‘a real dom’ and they leave any idea of D/s behind them because that’s not who they are.
But it’s not who ANY of us are. It’s the realm of pros and fantasies and porn and play and every media depiction of femdom ever.
I find it horribly depressing.
Being dominant means different things to different people. For me it’s ‘I run the relationship and he follows’. That means when I’m having a shitty day and want to cry, he gives me hugs and cuddles because that’s what I want. And also because he loves me and wants me to feel better. It’s not about me hiding who I am because I’m not ‘supposed’ to be a real human being.
Reverse the above. It’s just as true for submissives.