Shit Ferns says #11

Random stuff, no context…

…”all the best with all the oral sex you are going to be having…” and now I feel super creepy and weird…

Yes, I AM too stupid to use sex toys, it’s TRUE!

…people talking to my ass is just uncomfortable for everyone concerned…

Well, okay, fine. I suction-cupped a dildo to the fridge. Doesn’t everyone do that?

“If only you’d done your kegel exercises, flabby-vagina bitches!”

QUOTES DO NOT DIFFERENTIATE SMARTARSERY FROM NON SMARTARSERY!!!

“Please STFU and Just Look Pretty: How to Please Your Casual Partner”

…bring me pomegranates deseeded onto the body of a young boy virgin shaped into a pretzel!

I CAN imagine interested parties trying to provoke said swattitude, courtesy of ‘yayness’ and vodka.

Next thing you know, I’d be in the trunk of a car, and I probably wouldn’t even get a decent lunch out of it!

Fine, I’m making my own fucking food. I HATE YOU ALL!!

“Hey baby, guess what’s in my bathroom? A RIVER OF PUKE!! Aw yeah… ~bedroom eyes~

Come here little boy, I have lollies in the back of my van. Yes, that one with the blackened windows. Also, puppies…

I AM a woman, for realz! With all the womanly womanness of womanosity’s womanhood. Also boobies!!

I imagine I could slap harder and longer if my hands are all calloused up

Holy fuck. Holy fucking fuck. Your body is seriously crazy-beautiful. Holy jesus.

Want to come home with me and roll around naked in my piles of money?

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8 Comments

  1. “Holy fuck. Holy fucking fuck. Your body is seriously crazy-beautiful. Holy jesus.”

    Sooooooo… what are the chances of your sharing that with the rest of us? Everyone loves some eye candy right?

    1. *laugh* Yes! Everyone loves eye candy!!!

      I would LOVE to. Sort of. Maybe. Enough that I’ve asked him about sharing a photo or two (heh, you and me: great minds…), but he’s nervous-shy about it. And he likes them just being mine. I like that too, because MINE!

      But, holy fuck, I’m also itching to go ‘OMG LOOK, LOOK!!! FUCKING HELL!!’

      So… the chances: minimal at the moment. But you never know *smile*.

      Ferns

      1. Ah yes. Well I do understand. I have a shy guy like that as well. I’m hoping to be able to share his hotness at some point in the not-too-distant future though. He’s really just too delicious to keep to myself! (But some of the pics are really going to stay “just for me”!)

  2. “Come here little boy, I have lollies in the back of my van. Yes, that one with the blackened windows. Also, puppies…”

    Lollies *AND* Puppies!?… *looks through darkened windows*… Can’t see ’em… *opens door to get a better look*

    “Want to come home with me and roll around naked in my piles of money?”

    Hell yeah!… I don’t even need the piles of money.

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