Reader Q&A: Domination on his timetable
Hello wonderful Ferns,
I have started seeing a beautiful boi, who is alpha plus in his day job. This also means he is extremely busy. Sometimes this makes it hard to dominate him as we kind of work to his clock. I am okish with this as I admire his work, actually it really turns me on.. blah blah ANYWAY… Have you been in a similar position and how did you manage it? Or, alternatively do you know of some fet groups or blogs that discuss similar dynamics (im looking for tips, discussions on problems that come up). My biggest problem is that I sometimes I am ‘Dommeing’ on command – although I know that’s not his intention, or desire.
Hello lovely Lady *smile*,
Congratulations on the start of your relationship with a lovely boy! That’s the most important bit!!
Without knowing any details, my main question would be ‘what do you mean by ‘dominating him’ in this question’?
The reason I am wondering about that is because realistically, we ALL deal with partners who have other demands on their time, that’s just how life goes. They have work, family commitments, boring ‘taking care of business’ stuff. So I don’t think you need to find a special group for people who deal with this. *Everyone* deals with this in one way or another.
So I have two thoughts on this:
1. If by ‘dominating him’ you mean ‘getting him to do sexy things at your command’, then I understand that you can’t do that while he is at work.
2. If by ‘dominating him’ you mean ‘having him under your control’ (even if you aren’t *exercising* that control in overt ways), then that’s totally doable any time, all the time.
So for me, when I have a D/s relationship, a lot of what we do sits under item 2 above.
By that I mean he’s mine, and he’s mine whether I am telling him to kiss my feet or whether we are grocery shopping or when he is at work. How I exercise control in each of those situations is completely different.
The first is an overt command, the second might manifest as me just saying ‘nope, not getting that’ to something he wants to buy and the third might be a request that he text me at lunchtime.
In short, HOW I exercise my control varies wildly depending on the situation.
Re the work situation, I might tell him what shirt and tie to wear on any given day, choose his underwear, have him wear a piece of jewellery I have given him, have him text me at least once a day during a break, have him send me a photo of what he is up to etc. There are any number of ways to exercise control that don’t at all interfere with his ability to do his work.
So my suggestion would be to become familiar with his work situation, ensure that you know enough to understand what the viable options are for exercising control, figure out what is sweet and meaningful to you both, and then go for it.
My wonderful readers might have some other suggestions too.
Best of luck!
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