Dommes get rejected too

This is not a ‘poor me’ post, just a ‘hey, it goes both ways you know!’ post.

I know that the impression is pretty much always that a Domme puts an ad out and then weeds out those who don’t suit her.

But don’t forget that it goes both ways.

Anyone who approaches me (or who I approach for that matter) has the equal ability and right and responsibility to reject me at any time if they think we aren’t a match.

Do you think it doesn’t happen? You’d be wrong.

*gasp horror vapours*

Of course it does.

It’s disappointing of course, and at times it stings because sometimes we’ve been in contact for a while and *I* think we have potential and he doesn’t.

But that’s life.

My point being: Rejection happens to everyone.

And when I get rejected, I know it’s not because I’m a bad, terrible, unworthy, unlovable person. It’s because I’m not what he wants and needs. And that’s okay.

Rejection is not a comment about a person’s worth, it’s a decision about compatibility. To find the one that fits, rejection is required and necessary and normal and healthy. We are just not used to thinking of it that way.

Doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt, though. I mean, we’re all human, right? Even me.

GD Star Rating
loading...

You may also like

10 Comments

  1. “My point being: Rejection happens to everyone.”

    Yes, it does happen to everyone no person is immune to it. Isn’t it both weird and sad that people just automatically associate Dominant with being immune to certain feelings.

    “And when I get rejected, I know it’s not because I’m a bad, terrible, unworthy, unlovable person. It’s because I’m not what he wants and needs. And that’s okay. Rejection is not a comment about a person’s worth, it’s a decision about compatibility.”

    This is really true but sometimes I believe it takes time for some people to understand that and in a moment of hurt sometimes it is really easy to forget. I can honestly admit to having a few moments that I have to pull back because I have lost sight of things and start going down the path of feeling or thinking I am unworthy, unlovable, etc. I think the reason behind this is because of the different elements of compatibility and how we associate those to ourselves. For instance, you may not be compatible with someone because they want someone who is more educated than you and that makes you feel like less.
    However, I think it is how you deal with that rejection that can show just truly how mature of a person you are.

    Respectfully,
    mysticlez

    1. “…it takes time for some people to understand that and in a moment of hurt sometimes it is really easy to forget.”

      I agree. People in pain deal with it as best they can, and usually clear thinking logic is not front-of-mind when something hurts.

      “I think the reason behind this is because of the different elements of compatibility and how we associate those to ourselves. For instance, you may not be compatible with someone because they want someone who is more educated than you and that makes you feel like less.”

      I think this is a valid point. And I think there is an insecure part of us that wants to do that with ‘whatever the reason is’ when it’s *still* not about worth, but about what they prioritise and how that manifests for them.

      “I think it is how you deal with that rejection that can show just truly how mature of a person you are.”

      I applaud anyone who responds to ‘this isn’t working’ with grace, and I try to do the same. Mostly I succeed. Okay, well, sometimes I wish them dead, but only inside my own head… heh.

      Ferns

  2. There was a post on reddit a few days ago that spoke to me and I think it’s pretty relevant to this post – not because I think you need to hear it, but it may be useful to your readers.

    Excerpt:

    Rejection doesn’t faze the confident [person] because [they don’t] have to prove shit to you. And that’s so attractive because [they’re] coming from a place that isn’t validation-seeking.

    1. Hey I saw that post. I guess something good would have to come out of that toxic subreddit eventually.

      And what is this non-sense about dominant women being humans and feeling pain and rejection ??!!

    2. I understand the intent, but geez, the execution of it rubs me the wrong way. It sounds like a small child throwing a tantrum: I mentally want to put ‘so there, nyah’ at the end of it!

      I’m not going to dissect it to explain though, and I do get why you liked it. I hope someone finds some value in it.

      Ferns

  3. I was *just* thinking about this particular subject. Sure rejection isn’t always fun. But it’s a good thing. Can you imagine what a disaster it would be if we were a good fit (and therefore weren’t rejected or rejecting) for even half the people we might like to date or have as partners? Monogamous people would be constantly in a state of hair-pulling and tooth-gnashing about being a good fit and attracted to multiple people. And I think even the poly people might be worn a bit thin with so many partners! Really rejections is a good thing. It’s just hard to see it that way in the moment sometimes.

    1. It IS a good thing, and necessary, and normal. But yeah, it’s really hard to see it as a good thing because it hurts our feelings and of course that takes priority.

      “Can you imagine what a disaster it would be if we were a good fit (and therefore weren’t rejected or rejecting) for even half the people we might like to date or have as partners?”

      *laugh* Ye gods!!

      I’m pretty deeply monogamous and I find it interesting that this idea makes me weirdly uncomfortable. But but then… WHAT MAKES IT SPECIAL?!!

      Ferns

  4. Any sane person who has been rejected, or even rejected many times in their youth realises that the rejection probably saved them from a relationship that would have been doomed and possibly catastrohic in the end.

    I have met by chance and after many years people with whom I was once infatuated, and wondered, “What the hell was that all about?”

    I have talked desperate, lovelorn people down from rooftops and know that if I reminded them of the fact now, years later, they’d be deeply embarrassed.

    In short, you are a completely different person in maturity than you were in your youth.

    1. It is always much harder when one person is convinced it would totally work and the other doesn’t feel it.

      “In short, you are a completely different person in maturity than you were in your youth.”

      This is certainly true, but mature people get rejected too you know… Just sayin’.

      Ferns

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.