He’s just not that into you

You know what I liked about that movie? It gave us a short, easy phrase to explain this oh-so-simple concept.

And it really *is* simple.

Let me preface this with ‘in my experience’…

Men who are interested in you will move heaven and earth to be with you. They will.

They will be thinking about you as they go about their day, they will make you a priority, they will consider your feelings, they will work to make you happy, they will be clear if they are unavoidably busy for a while, even then they will still make time to be sweet to you because they miss you, they will pay attention to your moods and react accordingly, you will be top-of-mind for them.

Place a submissive mindset over the top and it amplifies *all of that*.

You can twist it any way you want and the closest second option if you are confused about his interest is “He’s not into you in a way that works for you”. The end result is the same.

There’s no such thing as ‘not enough time’, there are only priorities. And while life happens and you can’t *always* be the first priority, if you are NEVER the first priority, then yeah, have a think about that.

In short: If he really wants you, you will know it.

This PSA brought to you by the question, “He’s really great/nice/wonderful/sweet and he says he likes me, but he never has time for me/never initiates contact/disappears without a word/missed a date because he fell asleep/does some other things that make me question his interest, what should I do?”

DTMFA.

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24 Comments

  1. “There’s no such thing as ‘not enough time’, there are only priorities.”

    So very true and it translates to pretty much any context. Women, men, personal, professional, exercise, household chores, bucket list adventures, you name it…

    1. Absolutely: It applies widely.

      We all prioritise what’s important to us, and while priorities will naturally fluctuate due to circumstances, you (general ‘you’) have to decide where on the priority list you are happy with being.

      That’s a very personal decision, but to me, if you are asking the question, it’s not high enough.

      Ferns

  2. “In short: If he really wants you, you will know it.”

    I have no experience to know whether or not this is true but I believe it to be true for at least many guys.

    Also, if a guy does not fit that — meaning if he has difficulty showing you that he cares about you — then that would seem to be a yellow flag right there unless you really don’t care about clear signals that he cares. You could be spending the entire relationship uncertain about whether he actually still cares.

    1. “I have no experience to know whether or not this is true but I believe it to be true for at least many guys.”

      I think there are absolutely cases where it’s NOT true, but as you say with the ‘yellow flag’ comment: That’s STILL a problem if you are left wringing your hands and stressing and obsessing and not feeling good about it.

      And the only reason anyone asks this question is because *they are already unhappy*, and what they are hoping for are *excuses* for his behaviour that they can cling to like a life preserver.

      Of course, I’d encourage anyone to ask, discuss it, talk about it, all of that good stuff, but in the end, it’s his actions and how they make you feel that count.

      Ferns

  3. Well I am glad he’s not that into me! *smiles* However, *she* is always into me…just sometimes it takes a lot of stalking to get her to realize that fact.

    On a serious note I get what you are saying and its completely true. I know that I am done wasting time with relationships where I end up more invested than the other person. No more. I would rather be alone as I think I deserve at least equal investment.

    Respectfully,
    mysticlez

    1. “However, *she* is always into me…just sometimes it takes a lot of stalking to get her to realize that fact.”

      *laugh* I find once I boil the bunny, they’re all mine!!

      “I know that I am done wasting time with relationships where I end up more invested than the other person. No more.”

      Yep, that’s no fun.

      Ferns

  4. Jeez, if I somehow slept through a date, I’d be on my knees begging for forgiveness the moment I awoke.

    And I totally agree with this post, whenever I’ve been interested in a woman, she has instantly rocketed to the number one spot on my list of priorities.

    1. “Jeez, if I somehow slept through a date, I’d be on my knees begging for forgiveness the moment I awoke.”

      *gasp* You would never!!

      “whenever I’ve been interested in a woman, she has instantly rocketed to the number one spot on my list of priorities.”

      I know, right?! I’m the same.

      Ferns

  5. Well, I guess I am going to go against the grain on this one – no arrows please. I don’t think it is that simple. I think the simplicity comes as the “outcome” of some sometimes very complicated issues/matters/limitations/expectations. It may be simple for one – but not the other. Simplicity in relationships doesn’t exist at the beginning – it just doesn’t happen that way. It is something that takes time to grow and nurture. Then it becomes simple — after a lot of hard work.

    1. Don, I agree that relationship issues are often extremely complicated, and a guy might have difficulty expressing how much he cares due to complicated issues.

      However, I believe that if a guy does not express his caring much in the early parts of a relationship then that will very often carry over to the rest of the relationship. And if a woman wants to have a guy express his caring over the course of the relationship then this guy may not be a good fit for her. Regardless of the reasons for his hesitance.

      Maybe he is into you but if he doesn’t show it then what does it matter?

      -Bluebonnet1’s Ted

    2. No arrows, but I do wonder what if we are talking about the same thing here.

      I’m not saying ‘relationships are simple’ which is what you seem to have inferred.

      I’m saying that ‘men who are interested in you will make that clear with their behaviour’.

      Those two things are not at all related, so I’m confused by your comment.

      Ferns

  6. As a man – wait, lemme check – yes, as a man, I have to say your post is dead on. There is no such thing as ‘Too busy.’ And, of course, the same goes for women. So once you understand this simple fact, it makes dating much easier: if someone likes you, They Will Find Time.

  7. Hmmmm sure does seem pretty simple… ‘never/never/disappears/misses’. Hardly auspicious at the start of a relationship.

  8. “Men who are interested in you will move heaven and earth to be with you. They will.”

    By and large, this has also been my experience. Also, who the hell sleeps through a date?!

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