Dating… ugh

I can’t remember the last time I went on a normal ‘date’.

You know what I mean: A ‘hey let’s go out and see if there’s anything here’ kind of date, all casual-like and low risk.

My last two dates have been ‘hey, let’s spend lots of money, organise some international flights, find some accommodation, travel for 20+ hours, spend several weeks together and see if there’s anything here’ kind of dates.

No pressure, right?

So I have a date of the first type this week (I know! Call the news channels!!).

Since I’ve gone from 100% success rate (and by ‘success’, I mean ‘meet => relationship… huzzah!’) down to zero, I’ve decided that what I’ve been doing is no longer working so I’m trying something different.

And by ‘different’ I mean I’ve agreed to meet a submissive man off the internet after a short period of correspondence without doing any of the up-front work to determine compatibility.

I don’t normally do it that way because frankly, I HATE meeting people. Hate it. I’m a pretty serious introvert: it’s not fun for me to randomly socialise and make nice with strangers, so meeting up with random men just in case we click is like a form of horrible torture for me. I will only meet someone if I really and truly believe there is a lot of potential there. The dangling carrot of ‘happy ever after’ is what normally drags me kicking and screaming out to meet someone (yes, Lovely Switch, you were an exception…).

This time I’m biting the bullet and getting out there to make nice with a perfectly lovely submissive man with whom I have established absolutely no basis for compatibility, just to see how we get on.

I think it’s a failing strategy, but I’m doing it anyway to shake up my assumptions, because you never know! I mean, the worst case is an uncomfortable date full of dull small talk and awkward silences.

As for the lucky boy, he messaged me on collarme after I baited him by viewing his profile when it popped up on my home page (in case you aren’t aware, you can set up criteria in CM to control which profiles turn up on your home page). He had a rather fetching vanilla photo and an inoffensive description in his profile. His first email was chatty-friendly and showed that he had actually read my profile and clicked through to my blog to take a look around before contacting me. So yay!

I’ve been referring to him as ‘the 6’5 cutie’ on Twitter because… well, he’s 6’5 and really rather good looking. He’s about 10 years younger than me, local-ish (that is, he doesn’t live locally, but he’s in my area monthly), self-employed, bouncy-enthusiastic, and really rather sweet. He is not a newbie, but I think his previous D/s relationships were so very different from what I want that he may as well be.

Our date is lunch on Thursday, I haven’t chosen the place yet. He has taken to sweetly signing off all of his correspondence with some version of how much he is looking forward meeting me. I love both optimism and enthusiasm, so that’s lovely.

Oh, and I have told him not to read my blog, so he has only really had a quick look since he wasn’t reading it before we started corresponding. I think my blog is cock blocking me (more on that later), so I’m wanting to take it out of the equation.

Wish me luck! And yes, of course I’ll report back

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27 Comments

  1. Well you just never know! I met my husband on collarme. And to say he’s not good via email and rather taciturn would be the understatement of the year. I think we’d exchanged 2 mails on collarme that probably consisted of about 4 sentences TOTAL on his part. I’m also somewhat introverted. But he’s very gregarious in person, so we seem to compliment each other in that way. Plus we had a very unexpected instant, undeniable chemistry. On the whole, I’d say it was completely worth the chance I took! (I’m also very much an optimist, in case you hadn’t noticed yet.)

    1. Oh! Good for you (and him!!). Congratulations!

      But I’m so curious: what was it that motivated you to meet him?

      And optimism is always good!

      Ferns

      1. My computer just ate my witty and articulate reply. (It probably wasn’t but I’m going to pretend it was.)

        So now, the short version: he was hot and we had several kinks in common, so I figured the worst thing that could happen was I would enjoy my dinner more than our conversation.

        1. Thanks for coming back with that (and I know what you mean… the posts you lose are ALWAYS the MOST witty and articulate!!).

          Ferns

    1. That’s not true! We like to take the little ones and carry them around in our pockets and pet them and feed them little tiny cupcakes.

      Ferns

  2. It’s a happy making thing to see that you are at least getting out a bit, *makes mental note to hold off on shipping that big box of cats* and who knows, you might have a good time.

    Good luck! I hope you both have a good time… I’ll be here, squirming in place waiting for the updates.

    1. Well, it’s good that it’s happy-making for you! At least there’s that.

      Also, everyone knows that crazy cat ladies don’t start with a big box of cats! They start slow. With one, maybe two. The crazy has to sneak up, all slow and insidious.

      Thanks for the good luck.

      Ferns

  3. Yeah! You are taking that leap! I understand the difficult and uncomfortable feelings when you walk in and know from the start there is no connection, but for the times when it does work….it’s worth all the past grief! ;)

    Wishing you the best! Keep mining the fields! There is gold out there!

    ~ Vista

  4. So he can’t read this?

    So we can say whatever we want about that big tall lucky jerk who gets to meet Ferns just by virtue of being in the right hemisphere. Cool!

    (But seriuously, good luck!)

    1. *laugh* That big tall lucky jerk doesn’t get to read this, no! You can say whatever you want!!

      I appreciate the good luck wishes, thank you.

      Ferns

  5. That part with the kicking and screaming out the door, sounds a lot like me. I really don’t like to meet new people, at all, but like you I figured I got to try now and again.

    I wish you the best of luck on your date! =)

    1. Thanks!

      I feel like I have to re-hone my ‘who’s going to be a fit for me’ filters so I know better when to kick and scream and go anyway, and when to stay home and eat ice cream, so yeah, I kind of have to get out there and test a few variables.

      Ferns

    1. I know! They are really excruciating at the time, but as far as date-fails go, I guess it’s an innocuous one!

      I wrote about the blog thing here in case you missed it.

      Ferns

  6. “I can’t remember the last time I went on a normal ‘date’.”

    I hate doing the normal date thing almost as much as I hate job hunting.

    “I mean, the worst case is an uncomfortable date full of dull small talk and awkward silences.”

    Sadly that is how most of my dates have turned out. ~laughs~

    “Oh, and I have told him not to read my blog, so he has only really had a quick look since he wasn’t reading it before we started corresponding. I think my blog is cock blocking me (more on that later), so I’m wanting to take it out of the equation.”

    I am definitely interested in how that is because it seems to me that your blog would be more enticement really.

    By the way I will hold you one day to the fact that you met a stranger and therefore when I drag you out of your house kicking and screaming to meet me I don’t want to hear any whining about it. ~smiles~

    And before you use the excuse that it was for a “potential” I am full of potential for a lot of things. Hell anyone who knows me knows I am full of it hahaha

    Respectfully,
    Mysticlez

    1. Oh, job hunting is MUCH worse!! *shudder*

      “I am definitely interested in how that is because it seems to me that your blog would be more enticement really.”

      Well, yes, and no.

      “By the way I will hold you one day to the fact that you met a stranger and therefore when I drag you out of your house kicking and screaming to meet me I don’t want to hear any whining about it. ~smiles~”

      Ha! You won’t have to drag me out. You just have to leave a trail of champagne bottles…

      Ferns

  7. Very exciting to give your assumptions a good whack! Beat them into submission – and perhaps enjoy a new cutie!

  8. Dammit! I shoulda read this one first! Yes, don’t let dates read your blog!! Just my two cents :) I harp on this all the time as much as I can. It’s a slippery slope sharing it with lovers. You never really know what’s gonna happen :)

    Also, I’m super pumped for you!! Yay! A date!

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