Random bambi thoughts

We are in chat most of the day when we are both awake (normal ‘life stuff’ notwithstanding), even if we are not actually talking all the time. Real time stories of our days.

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I think he worries that I am not getting his best at times. I am not sure what that means exactly. But I’m pretty sure he worries.

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I told him at one point early on that if he wanted to keep my interest, he couldn’t treat me like ‘a mate at the pub’. I don’t have sex with those guys. I can be friends first, but not ‘just friends’. Once we are ‘just friends’, he no longer has any functioning genitals. It’s like I cut them off and put them in my pocket.

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I hurt him the other day by thoughtlessly throwing out a jokey “I don’t care what you want”. I apologised. I didn’t mean it, of course.

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I DO say all the time “I DON’T CARE WHAT YOU DO!” That’s a joke too. We both get that one.

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I am overseeing his diet and exercise at the moment, asserting restrictions. He is doing well, but he is not used to it, still makes some poor choices. And I don’t praise for imperfection. I want to praise and pet him for his progress, so I told him I want a perfect day tomorrow because I want to tell him how amazing he did. I love that he really wants to try. I believe he will do it.

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I am ignoring the little voice that fears he won’t do it. FUCK OFF!! YOU DON’T KNOW HIM!!

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I am being cautious with him. His rational brain resists me, even though he tells me that his rational brain knows I am a good ‘un and doesn’t need convincing. His emotional brain, though, is sweetly gooey eyed over me. Sometimes they fight over it up there in his head, rational vs emotional, though in the end they mostly come to the same conclusion.

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Tonight I have been worrying about his entry to Australia, sending him fretty emails. I have a bad feeling about it. I am sure it’s nothing. But the feeling is still there.

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When he arrives, I will pick him up from the airport. We will get in my car. I will take him to my home. I might make him get naked. I shall expect the safety police to pound on my door any minute, screaming at me that I am going to die… DIE I TELL YOU… *DIE*!!!!! Don’t try this at home, kids!

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We had a competition today over who could sternly cross their arms the best. I won, of course, by pulling the infinity card. He disagreed and drew me a picture with him on the winners podium with perfectly crossed arms and me flailing about, a weak second. I told him that that doesn’t prove anything and proved it by crossing my arms most impressively *crosses arms to show perfect form*. By declaring myself the winner publicly, as I have done here, I win. So there.

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We had a long and very sweet phone call the other day, with him on web cam. I have never liked cam, not even for video calls, but I liked seeing his expressions very much as we talked. I like his face.

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He is taking up a lot of my writing energy, sucking it out of me like some demon. I am hoping that at some stage that will flip over to inspiration. I don’t know how that works exactly, but I’m looking for it.

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11 Comments

  1. “We had a competition today over who could sternly cross their arms the best. I won, of course.”

    Well, judging by what I saw on my hidden cameras, you were the decisive winner. You see, the trick to winning a stern arm crossing contest is having a properly furrowed brow, and tightly pursed lips. That is where the actual sternness comes out. You had him hands down there.

    What with your Dommely manner, and impressive guns, was the outcome ever in doubt?

  2. it’s actually fascinating to be able to follow you on the process of getting in touch with somebody online, getting to know him and finally meet.

    What worries me is the the “energy sucker”: as long as it means that you spend a lot of time thinking and writing about this subject it’s not necessarily bad. That’s more a “time sucker”, but you still get energy back and something out of it. But if it makes you feel down and without energy that means no energy comes back and you’re treating with a vampire.

    I don’t have the impression that’s the case and I’m sure the best of “bambi” is still to come.

    1. “it’s actually fascinating to be able to follow you on the process of getting in touch with somebody online, getting to know him and finally meet.”

      Good, I’m glad. It’s like a live soap opera isn’t it?!

      “But will Ferns and bambi like each other? And what WILL they do on that very important first day? And is she really going to make him get naked at first meeting?! Tune in next week!!”

      But if it makes you feel down and without energy that means no energy comes back and you’re treating with a vampire.

      *smile* Don’t worry. I think you misread. He is sucking up my *writing* energy, so my readers can expect my blog posts to be more sporadic and probably rather pedestrian until that changes.

      Ferns

  3. For goodness sake tell him not to bring anything food like into the country * nods wisely* I seen that Border Patrol thingy Nazis all of ’em!

    Coug

  4. Besides having pondered it……. With the whole dingo thing ? dead babies is going to be food down there too * nods wisely*

    Coug

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