I want to do things to you

I want to do things to you.

This feeling is vague, which is unusual for me, but it’s okay.

I don’t even really know what things, just… things.

I want to take you out of your rational brain and see what happens when logic leaves you. I am still not quite sure how to do that. I can’t picture it in my head. Not yet.

I want to know how far your resistance goes. Whether it is penetrable.

I know you think and wish and hope that it is.

I hope so also. I hope that at some point you will instinctively be able to give me what I want. I think that you believe you have gone there before. I don’t think you have. Not really. This is both exciting and frightening for me.

Exciting because if you have it, I will own it. It will be mine. I adore that. I do. It is selfish and greedy and I do want it to be mine first, to claim it.

Frightening because I have this niggling doubt that you can get there. I know you really want to, I know you will strive for it. But wanting it really isn’t enough.

I think your submission will be beautiful. I feel like you will have to drag it out from some depths, that you will be reluctant with it. That even when you see glimpses of it, you will glare at it suspiciously and try to control it.

There is resistance in you. And it’s not me you resist. It is *you*. It is self protection and mistrust and fear and a mixture of all of those negative things that keep you from wanting to feel vulnerable.

And it is right that you feel it with me at this early stage. I know that.

And yet, I am not used to feeling it. I am used to seeing a clear road, and the only choice I have to make is how fast to travel down it, where to turn off, what direction to choose.

With you, there is some Mad Max landscape, a road littered with burnt out cars and bodies and obstacles to be negotiated. I know you don’t want me to feel that. Are probably a little disappointed that I do. Want to insist that “No, that’s not right!”. But still, I feel it.

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19 Comments

  1. Dear Ferns,

    This all seems good to me.

    We are all different and the same.

    We all feel some resistance and surrender.

    We all want and look for the same in our partners.

    Please watch out for those burnt out cars, bodies and obstacles to be negotiated.

    A road is not a road race.

    Best wishes,

    Satan

    1. I will look out.

      Bambi assures me it is not at all a Mad Max landscape, but is instead a forest; you can go in any direction and have complete freedom, but can’t see as far. There are cliffs, forest fires, mountains. But there are also meadows and babbling brooks and beautiful glades *smile*.

      It is all a matter of perspective. I like his better than mine.

      Ferns

  2. Sorry – not sure where to type, but think I have the hang of it now…submission is a complex thing – I am one of those masochists who is not very submissive (though I do of course obey a mistress, readily), yet there is something very powerful about submission – and I must say you sound like a match for anyone who would like to try!

    1. “Sorry – not sure where to type, but think I have the hang of it now…”

      Yes, you got it exactly right! Hello there!

      “yet there is something very powerful about submission – and I must say you sound like a match for anyone who would like to try!”

      I agree, there *is* something very powerful about it, and thank you for the compliment though frankly, I am a match for very few. Or perhaps very few are a match for me…

      Ferns

  3. While I’m sure that the thoughts and feelings you express here are common to many, I dare say that very few have your ability to express them in such a vivid and beautiful way, and fewer still have your ability to make their readers feel like they are living those thoughts and feelings with you.

  4. “It is selfish and greedy and I do want it to be mine first, to claim it.”

    *sigh* I love this. I love the selfishness and greediness and ownershippiness that accompanies it. (Yeah, I made up a word, so?)

    1. That is SO a word!!

      And thank you, I do a pretty good line in selfish and greedy. It’s just lucky I’m so damn amazing or I would be completely intolerable!

      Ferns

  5. Dear Ferns,

    Why not change his name? It does not sound right. Did you know that Bambi is the name for a Disney character? I do not know it but I suspect that Bambi possibly is not his real name. Does he know that this is a serious site? As a pet name Bambi seems fine for you to use for him. I cannot call a man Bambi. It does not sound right. All of our names here sound right. This is because all of our names here are real names and not pet names I think. If a man wants to go by a pet name here then his pet name should be more devilish.

    I call him Bandit because he is out to hijack your heart. I hope that he is successful.
    Yours in crime,

    Satan

    1. *laugh* I shall take your suggestion under advisement, but I can tell you straight up that I will not change his name because *he is my bambi*!

      When you get your very own lovely boy, you can name him whatever you like. I quite like Satan’s Spawn. I shall suggest that when you get one…

      Ferns

  6. “With you, there is some Mad Max landscape, a road littered with burnt out cars and bodies and obstacles to be negotiated. I know you don’t want me to feel that. Are probably a little disappointed that I do. Want to insist that “No, that’s not right!”. But still, I feel it.”

    Interesting

    Respectfully,
    brattyboi

      1. Because I don’t like my burnt out cars and bodies to be seen. I don’t like the obstacles because they scare me and they scare those away from me. Because I want to bulldoze through those obstacles regardless of fear and I want someone who will bulldoze through them with me but it is hard to find someone willing to do that most times.

        Respectfully,
        mysticlez

        1. Ahh, okay, that makes sense.

          I think most of us want to hide our burnt out cars, see if we can tiptoe around them without anyone noticing, but sooner or later, I think they have to be moved off the road (I’m kind of happy that analogy went as far as that… heh).

          And yeah, I think finding someone who waves a hand and magics them off the road, or who is willing to do whatever work is required, is special.

          Ferns

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