Inexperience is hot

I don’t seek out inexperienced submissives, nor do I like submissives *because* of it, but I do love inexperience. It is fresh and sweet and innocent.

When I bring an inexperienced submissive with me into a kind of relationship that he has never been in before, I get to see everything with fresh eyes, as if it’s the first time for me also, and in so many ways, it *is*. I get the incredible privilege of being part of his exploration, I get to watch him as his world expands, I get to see a man who has ‘been there done that’ out in the world go wide eyed in wonder, I get to be a catalyst for him discovering things about himself that he never knew. I get to give him all that, and I get to *own* those experiences, and that is something amazing and special.

It makes me feel an incredible tenderness because he is laid bare in it, and the trust he shows me as we go forward feels like that of a small child.

My last, my boy, was a hit with the ladies. Hot, smart women threw themselves at him because he was a kind of superstar in his creative field, and he was sweet, and he had a ‘little boy lost’ quality that women love. So he had all of the sexual and relationship experience with women that one would expect of a man in his late 30s who was in that situation. But he was completely inexperienced as a submissive and as a masochist.

So in all of the ways that counted, I was his first, and that was incredibly powerful.

It was the first time he felt as if he was being completely honest in a relationship, it was the first time that he felt like he could truly be himself, it was the first time he felt safe and honoured and adored for who he *really* was. If that’s not powerful enough, watching him slowly free himself from his own restrictions, let go of so many years of self censorship, test how things felt despite his fear, find who he *really* was and settle into those spaces was incredible.

He felt free to explore things he had never even admitted before, I got to see and experience things that had never before seen the light of day, and being part of it with him made everything new and shiny and amazing for me. It hurts my heart a little even to think of it because that is astoundingly special.

And for me, along with everything else, the *power* of that is incredible: part ego, part nurturer, part leader, part predator, part attacker, part observer, part coach, part cheerleader, part restrainer, part comforter, part torturer, part lover, part navigator, all of those and over it, protector.

I got to lead him down that path and watch him blossom under it. And ‘blossom’ is such a stupidly romantic word, but it *was* incredibly romantic, and that he trusted me enough to give me that part of himself, without reservation, blows my tiny little mind to pieces.

I see concern sometimes from men who are inexperienced submissives, that it’s a barrier for them in finding what they want. And I know there are women who won’t touch them: they don’t want to deal with men who don’t yet know, really, who they are, what will work, what they want. Too often they invest time and emotion in building a relationship only to have the man baulk, “I don’t think this is what I want after all, I’m sorry…” And that is terrible and painful and I completely understand women not wanting to go through it, not wanting to risk it.

But for me, if everything *else* is working for us, inexperience is kind of a bonus.

It is complex and incredibly beautiful, and oh my god, so unbelievably hot.

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9 Comments

  1. I totally understand what you mean!

    My boy has been in a D/s-relationship before but that was (him being bisexual) with a guy. I am his first real girlfriend and our relationship has been (for me as well as for him) flooded with first-timers. I just love that “I can’t believe you just did that to me”-face of wonder and happiness on his face after we’re done trying something new. It’s one of the things I enjoy most!

    1. “I am his first real girlfriend and our relationship has been (for me as well as for him) flooded with first-timers.”

      Oh! Lucky you, and him!! It sounds wonderful for you both.

      “…wonder and happiness on his face after we’re done trying something new. It’s one of the things I enjoy most!”

      *smile* Yes!! That!

      Ferns

  2. This was reassuring to read. Although I’m reading everything I can get my hands on about F/m and trying to make connections with people, I’m completely new to things. My biggest fear (even more than discovering this isn’t right for me after all) is that my inexperience will make it too difficult to find someone, particularly the right someone.

    1. I’m glad you found it reassuring.

      Everyone started somewhere, and personally, I think that emotional maturity and willingness in a potential submissive (and love) is *much* more important than experience.

      It *will* turn some women off, no doubt, but for many, it’s irrelevant.

      I wish you the very best of luck in your connection-making and explorations.

      Ferns

  3. I see concern sometimes from men who are inexperienced submissives, that it’s a barrier for them in finding what they want. And I know there are women who won’t touch them: they don’t want to deal with men who don’t yet know, really, who they are, what will work, what they want.

    *This* is perhaps my greatest concern, especially when combined with my age. I think it’s a given, that by the time you reach 50 mumble mumble, you should be well aware of who you are and what you want.

    I find that I’m not so interested in random encounters nor is play, for it’s own sake, very appealing and as I am getting a bit long in the tooth, I see the dual barriers of age and inexperience to be almost insurmountable.

    1. “I see the dual barriers of age and inexperience to be almost insurmountable.”

      I don’t see either of those as barriers, but obviously your experience must be telling you otherwise.

      I think as we get older the pool gets smaller, for sure, but I also think that a wonderful sweet man is a wonderful sweet man and will stand out in any group.

      NOT insurmountable, slapshot! No!

      Ferns

  4. Well, if being inexperienced is cool, then I’m miles Davis.

    Oddly, my lack of experience doesn’t worry me much at all, but I’d suppose that has much to do with the way I was raised.

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