Shit Ferns says #5

Random stuff, no context…

Suddenly, I will be cunty mcfuckface and you will be all ‘woah! WTF?’ and I’ll be all “Yeah IN YER FACE!!”

DICK! Also, he’s probably RACIST.

I have dubbed the annoying pain in my side ‘Harold’. Harold is short and pudgy and sweaty and very annoying. I have given him a name so I can say things like “Fucking Harold wouldn’t leave me alone today!” or “*sigh* Can’t run, I will wake up Harold”.

…now I have that site plus a google question “How big is an orca’s penis” forever logged against my identity. By the way, the answer is 8 feet.

They do seem to have a lot of dolphins and rabbits on vibrators. Who comes up with these ridiculous ideas?!

Have a great day, fuckface!!

The line between sniffing panties to check if they are clean and “OMG I am fucking sniffing my own panties!” is surprisingly thin…

My life is a ball of twine with some wax on the end so it doesn’t unravel. Yes, THAT interesting.

I can’t whistle. Or wink. These are my only faults.

GD Star Rating
loading...

You may also like

7 Comments

  1. I recognize some of these.

    I usually have to make sure I’m not eating or drinking anything before I read something you have written. That way I don’t have to clean up a mess from the spit take.

    Also, I can whistle AND wink. Does this make me better than you?

    1. “That way I don’t have to clean up a mess from the spit take.”

      Forward planning… smart!

      “Also, I can whistle AND wink. Does this make me better than you?”

      Pffftt… no. Though it probably makes you more effective at trying cheesy pick ups in seedy bars.

      Ferns

  2. “My life is a ball of twine with some wax on the end so it doesn’t unravel.”

    HA! My life is like that too but I’m pretty sure there’s no wax on the end… Definitely, no wax.

    But I can whistle and wink. (just not at the same time)

    1. “My life is like that too but I’m pretty sure there’s no wax on the end… Definitely, no wax.”

      *~laugh~* You can have some of mine!

      “But I can whistle and wink. (just not at the same time)”

      Show off!

      Ferns

  3. “How big is an orca’s penis” Ferns, thanks for reminding me of one of the best memories I treasure of my kids. We were at Sea World in Orlando Florida visiting the manatee exhibit. My son, 7 yrs old at the time exclaimed “daddy, the manatees are sword fighting” Two male manatees were in the tank, segregated from the females to prevent the violence that would ensue from sexual competition, were playing rubadubdub with their three-long-penises. I said something like yes they are indeed and we watched with rapt attention. What made my day was when a couple next us literally covered their kids’ eyes and dragged them away. I say that with some sadness: I felt a deep sense of rage for the lesson they were teaching, but joy for the moment shared with my own…

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.