QnA with readers

Question whoredom!

Okay, some of them aren’t questions, they are just sweetness. Thank you for it.

If you want to ask me a question, leave me a random message, or see what has been asked already, just go to my Ask me! page and make a big mess!

In the meantime, here’s the QnA roundup for those who haven’t been keeping track…

God, you’re lovely.

*smile* This made me laugh out loud with pure unadulterated delight.

Thank you, dear anonymous, for putting such a big smile on my face on a dull and cloudy afternoon. I’m all swoony.

Ferns

Many years ago, I practiced needlepoint. I’d like to create a lavish fern piece with different stitches and yarns. It would take time. Would you consider accepting such a piece from a fan?

This is possibly the sweetest thing I have ever heard *swoon*!!! The thought of someone painstakingly needlepointing something lovely for me is completely smile inducing.

And yes, I would be delighted to accept such an amazingly thoughtful gift!!

Did I mention the swooning?!

Ferns

Opinions on terrible Referees from the Olympics? Namely Felix Brych? (Totally related to the blog!)

He’s kind of cute, I’d have liked to see him getting all up in someone’s face and yelling a bit and being all authoritative.

Is that what you meant?

HOW IS THIS RELATED TO THE BLOG?! I think this is a trick.

Just bring your pretty face here, Felix and stop mucking about…

Ferns

That’s all well and good, but what about us trolls under the bridge?

I don’t believe you are a troll under a bridge for one moment. I mean, everyone knows where trolls really live: Where trolls really live.

Ferns

If you could own only ONE pair of shoes or ONE pair of boots (although either could be as sexy and delectable as you wished), which would you choose? Also, it would be lovely for Goddess and I to meet someone like you and get on well together!

This question makes me upset.

What kind of world are we living in where this kind of terrible terrible choice could be forced upon me!?

It’s unthinkable!!

I refuse to entertain this horrifying scenario for even a second longer!!

*expunge*

And yes, a lovely afternoon tea with you and your Goddess would be lovely, thank you. I shall have my boy arrange it.

Ferns

Do you like Turtles?

I am, in the final analysis, rather neutral about turtles.

I like them in the generic way that I like creatures in general.

Unless you mean THIS little guy

I mean who wouldn’t love that turtle?! I’M ONLY HUMAN!!

Ferns

The miracle isn’t that we do this. The miracle is that we are happy to do it–Mother Teresa

Thank you, Mother Teresa.

Who knew you were reading my blog from beyond? I hope all is well up there!

Ferns

why do men(me) feel comfort in submission. why do you relish the submission

I think there are as many answers to this question as there are submissive men. There is no universal answer that fits everyone.

I think ‘because it feels right’ is as good a general answer as I can give and it’s not particularly useful.

Why do I relish submission?

If I answer from a practical perspective, it’s because his submission gives me harmony in my romantic relationships, and I need that for them to be successful. From a romantic perspective, dominance is how I show love, desire, affection, tenderness and if we are a good fit, submission is how he shows his, and they are complementary.

If you are interested in more detail, I did an interview here that covers “what it is about domination that appeals to you”: http://dishevelleddomina.wordpress.com/2012/05/20/interview-30/

Ferns

Is it possible for a man to totally submit to one particular woman, and still retain the self-respect required to successfully deal with the outside world?

Of course!!

Being submissive doesn’t mean giving up your self respect. Not at all.

A healthy D/s relationship benefits both parties, makes them happier, healthier, stronger… all those good things.

Even if you *play* with things like humiliation or degradation, anything that makes you feel small or ‘less than’, it’s *play*, it’s temporary, it’s controlled, and it doesn’t at all reflect your actual worth, or her actual respect for you.

If your relationship becomes something that negatively impacts your self esteem. or your self respect,, or your ability to function successfully out in the world as a happy healthy person, then you have a serious problem.

Ferns

Do you believe in the universal benefits to be found in the practice of birthday spankings?

The health benefits (both physical and emotional) of birthday spankings are a scientifically proven fact, but only if the spankee is male. I mean, it’s indisputable.

Source: Hahahahaha

Ferns

How was your birthday pretty lady?

My birthday was wonderful, thank you. Fine food, special champagne, enjoyable company… If only every day was so!

Ferns

Happy Birthday To Thee

*big smile* Thank you so much, kind stranger!!

Ferns

I’m probably more of a strange kinder, than a kind stranger.

Or a kindred stranger? Or strange kin? This is getting complex…

Ferns

I’m just eric the entertainer, here to provide comic relief on your day of days.

*smile* Thank you eric, the entertainer!

Ferns

What’s a friend, on Fetlife?

Is this an existential question? Or a technical one? Or are you asking what it means when someone is *my* friend on Fetlife?

I’m going with the latter, since it’s all about ME!

People on my friends list are people I have interacted with in some way, either in discussions, on my blog, on their blog, via private message, email… something (even if it was short-lived contact). I very rarely accept friend requests or request to be friends without *some* interaction.

Ferns

I tried to post a femme pic of me with some naked black guys but I chickened out. wish I could.

This sounds more like a porn shot than ‘what’s beautiful about you as a submissive man’, so I can’t say I’m sorry.

You, whoever you are, think about what’s beautiful about *you*? What do you love most about yourself? What do the women in your life love about you? What makes them swoon, want to take your hand, want to pet you with that look of affection on their face, want to take you home and keep you forever?

THAT’S what I want. Post that!

Ferns

have you ever posted a pic of some guy en femme that didn’t know about it?

Is this the same anonymous again? *squints suspiciously*

No, I haven’t. If he didn’t know about it, that would mean that there was no consent, and that would be unethical.

Ferns

What kind of picture are most hoping to see for your birthday?

This is a difficult question to answer.

What I really want to see is what a submissive man finds beautiful about *himself* because that will show in a photograph.

I am hoping for thoughtful photos versus ‘here’s me standing in front of the bathroom mirror’ photos.

If I was to *craft* a photo, or *request* a particular type of photo, I would do it based on his best features, so there is no ‘one size fits all’. It is pointless to say “I hope to see x” if x is not something that is aesthetically pleasing, that doesn’t represent his personal glow. I’d add that sometimes the most beautiful thing is in an act more than in the body and that would also make a lovely photo.

Even if a man thinks he is not ‘all that’, he should ask someone who loves him and she will tell him in no uncertain terms what is beautiful about him.

THAT’S what I want to see.

Ferns

What could I do to make your day?

*big smile* What a sweet question, thank you for it (and asking a question like this comes close to making my day already!).

If you read my blog (you do, don’t ask me how I know this, I just *know* things…), then I would love to know what you get out of it, why you like my writing, how it impacts you, how it makes you feel. Hearing that from readers is like manna from heaven to me. I am both curious and unashamedly susceptible to flattery; it makes me all head spinny and glowy with happy-making goodness.

Ferns

I don’t have even a fraction of the space I would need to tell you what your writing does for me. It unattainable seem within reach. You put forward in simple straight forward language terrific advice and when you write about play… it’s like I’m there.

*warm smile* That will do very nicely, and it was a very sweet use of the limited amount of space you have here. Thank you so much for the loveliness.

And yes, that made my day.

Ferns

Have you ever had a submissive partner who died? I am wondering if the process of grieving is different in a D/s relationship.

No, I have never had *any* partner die, thank goodness.

But no, the grieving process would not be any different from any other relationship.

Whether your sub is your life partner, part of your poly family, a close friend, a ‘friend with benefits’, a casual play partner, *whatever*, the relationship is with someone you love, like, respect, enjoy, and have become close to, and it would be devastating.

What a sad question.

Ferns

I would never ever ever let your water glass remain empty!

*smile* I greatly appreciate that… an empty water glass is just a glass. An empty, neglected vessel screaming of loneliness, and dehydration. And that’s so terribly terribly sad and should never be allowed to happen.

Ferns

What makes a dominant women tick? I have been looking for so long, so few women embrace dominance, I just don’t get it. You are a national treasure! Been stalking you for over a year, might be closer to 2 years!!

“What makes a dominant women tick?”

Mu, motherfucker!! *laugh*

There is no answer to this question, dear anonymous!

You may as well ask ‘what makes a woman tick?’ Every dominant women is a unique and special snowflake just like every other dominant woman!

“I have been looking for so long, so few women embrace dominance, I just don’t get it.”

Looking where? How? Doing what? If you are doing the same thing over and over without success, then maybe you should be trying something different.

“You are a national treasure! Been stalking you for over a year, might be closer to 2 years!!”

*smile* Thank you!! I do appreciate a good long term stalker. Also a polite and respectful one, which you so obviously are since I am not scared out of my wits every time the buzzer goes off and no dead things have appeared on my doorstep…

Ferns

Do you like your men hairy, trimmed, or shaved? (You may have answered this already, in which case, tell me to ask another Q. :) ) -DomDomme

Thank you for the question DomDomme!! And no, I don’t think I have answered it before!

I don’t like a lot of body hair, but it’s not a ‘thing’ for me. I do have a preference for a boyish look, and sparse body hair is part of that.

His face will be clean shaven face because I want full access to his mouth.

Or wait… were you just interested in the rude bits?! *laugh*

Back and arse hair will be waxed. I like to do it myself, because ouchy hurty intimate things are fun.

Pubic hair will be neatly trimmed, just so it’s not all wild and bushy in my face, should my face get down that way…

Ferns

Would you rather Buss a Burly, Bearded Boy with Bad Breath, or See a Snake Slither over your Sexy Spiked Sandals? -Formspring eric

I’ll take the slithering snake for $100 please, eric.

Of course, the sexy spiked sandals will be provided by you, yes?

Ferns

Are you really considering watching “a Serbian film?” From what I’ve heard I hope you keep the brain bleach handy.

I’m not particularly. I put it on the list ages ago and had to just now go and see what it was about. I can’t at all recall where or how I found out about it, but I assume that someone recommended it to me and I added it to the only list I had handy so I wouldn’t forget. And yes, it looks really grim.

Like a proper geek, my official ‘movies to see’ list is in a spreadsheet!

Ferns

Are you aware of (currently defunct) BDSM webcomic called “garden hose” written by a female dominant using the pen name “Fern”?

I am! It was a shame the author couldn’t continue it. I really enjoyed it.

“The next douchebag dom to approach me is getting his face hacked off with a riding crop!”

*laugh*

For the curious, it’s here: http://gardenhose.thecomicseries.com/comics/1/

Ferns

If you could have sex with any person living or dead, who would it be? (and don’t just say “any person living”)

You know, I have never thought about this, and I do wish I had more interest in thinking about it, but… meh.

Spartacus, washed and brought to my chamber. In chains, obviously.

Ferns

Did/do you ever do roleplay during sexytimes? If so, what as? if not, why not?

If you mean with set roles (teacher/naughty student, prison guard/tortured prisoner), no I don’t. My imagination doesn’t seem to run that way, so the play acting makes me feel silly and self conscious instead of sexy. It’s kind of a shame because if it worked, I can imagine it would be a lot of fun.

I do have mood-dependent attitudes, and they come out naturally to reflect how I am feeling. For example, I’m quite capable of being a mean bitch, haughty queen, unreasonable brat etc because they are all parts of my personality at different times.

Ferns

So…What’s an average day looking like now? Oh and what’s on your current grocery list. =P

*laugh* Someone else beat you to that first question! Look here: http://www.domme-chronicles.com/2012/06/more-questions-from-readers.html

On my grocery list right now:
– hibiscus flowers [the ones you put in champagne]
– a Serbian film
– 30 second outdoor cleaner
– sunbeam cafe series cleaner

I just went grocery shopping yesterday, so it’s really only things I *can’t* get at the grocery store.

Ferns

What say you to critics who charge you with being bubbly and vertical? -eric

I deny all accusations of being bubbly OR being at all vertical, EVER.

I say they can ROT IN THE FIERY DEPTHS OF HELL!!!

*waves fist wildly*

Ferns

Er, Um, I be hungry. But that picture be distracting. I hate roommates damnit. Anyhhow, favorite pizza? I prefer veggie lovers / Hawaiian. -Jake

(Can you believe that Formspring ‘flagged’ this question?!! They do that with any questions that have swear words in them, but ‘damnit’? Holy hell and mother of fuckedupedness!!)

My favourite pizza is hot pepperoni and mushrooms with chilli (as in hot chillis, not as in beef and bean chilli). Yum!

Ferns

Has this post prompted you to ask me something? Please do!

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10 Comments

  1. I was indulging myself with the gratuitous graph porn you posted (where trolls really live) when it suddenly dawned on me that not a single one is shown to live in an apartment under the stairs.

    I can hold my head a little higher as I jump into the abyss of the day knowing that, whatever else may happen, at least I’m not a troll. Once again, you made my day!

  2. Not sure the first try went through, so if this is a duplicate, apologies.

    Oooh, my question! I’d forgotten about it. :)

    I prefer less than more, too. Although one fellow I know has quite the nice (re-enactor?) facial hair, which is interesting.

    I love that interview you did so much! It gave me my lightbulb moment and I only wish I’d read it sooner. :)

    1. Ha! This is my excuse for the ungodly long post. I have to give people the chance to forget the question that they asked, so… surprise!!

      “I prefer less than more, too. Although one fellow I know has quite the nice (re-enactor?) facial hair, which is interesting.”

      I have preferences, but I will make exceptions depending on what looks prettiest on him. I haven’t yet gone out with a man who looks better with facial hair though!

      “I love that interview you did so much! It gave me my lightbulb moment and I only wish I’d read it sooner.”

      Oh?! Do you want to share? I am uber curious what your lightbulb moment was!

      Ferns

  3. Oh, sure! I would quote the entire interview, honestly. ;)

    I’ve always been a little kinky, but I hadn’t been comfortable in the kink world that I knew of because it was mostly either male dom/fem sub or male-gaze porn FD and wormy (and unsexy!) male sub, and I couldn’t identify with any of that.

    Then I read your interview, had my lightbulb moment, and went in search of every blog and interview with other female dominants that I could find, and here I am. :)

    The highlights: a) the unsatisfactory (and eerily alike) experiences with dating vanilla guys where I’d either steamroller them, and not like it, or pick one where we were fighting all the time, and *really* not like it. b) Being gatekeeper rather than owner of my sexuality for the longest time, and realizing I’m happiest when I’m in charge of the relationship, and for him to be happy with that, instead of resenting it or being passive-aggressive about it. c) I wanted the same (or very similar) relationship dynamics!

    Basically, your relationship history looked a lot like mine (until the vanilla submissive guy), and for similar reasons. Cue lightbulb moment! :)

    1. Thank you for sharing that… it’s so interesting, the similarities! I suspect it’s probably a pretty common story.

      Yay for lightbulb moments!

      Ferns

  4. But I live in a thatched house in the middle of a field along with my cuddly troll brethren

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