Happy femdom stories – Jake

This story has a happy ending, but along the way it’s a difficult story that illustrates how hard it can be for young submissive men who feel disenfranchised, confused, and lost with their sexuality and relationships, and how challenging it can be to deal with that on top of whatever else they have going on in their lives.

Thank you for sharing your story, Jake, and I hope there is a lot more happiness to come for you.

Author: Jake

Part I

So, uh, to preface this, I figure an introduction is needed. I’m Jake. I’m 20, submissive-ish (I guess I switch a bit). I also begrudgingly admit I’m service oriented (G-d, I really hate that term, ‘service’. I service my vehicles, my firearms, my scuba reg, not women).

So, I sorta discovered I was submissive when I was 16 or so, with the internet porn, full of snivelling worm and cruel ice bitch queen dommes clad in rubber and PVC and latex. It was pretty hot. I was a teen, it was porn, and how, and I thought it was reality.

I became a fetishist, because, what other examples did I have? I was at least a bottom, but wasn’t a twue submissive. I was heavy into rubber/latex and all that stuff; I was (and still am) masochistic.

So, then came along high school, and the awkward clusterfuck that that was. I kept trying to date people but would be shot down like Gary Powers. So, I got a date with a wonderfully sweet girl in my class, who evidently liked me a fair bit. It was a *really* nice date, even was able to borrow my dad’s nice car, but it just went all wrong. We both were trying to get the other to lead, personalities just didn’t mesh in the least. So, after this happening a few times, I realized that ‘normal’ dating wasn’t for me, because, what’s the point if it’s just not going to work?

I started to feel broken and strange and unlovable. I knew I wasn’t able to date ‘normal’ people, but it seemed like ‘non-normal’ people were entirely impossible to find. What really didn’t help this was all my friends joking that I was forever alone, or just had to wait for girls to get older, or just to go to Taverna Opa (a local bar where the MILF’s flock to). Yeah, so, I bounced between feeling completely unlovable to ‘fuck women, I’ve got hobby money’. I mean, my friends even joked that the first girl I ever date, I should just marry, because I’d never find another person who could put up with me.

Hell, I even got ‘the talk’ from my mom, lol. I was informed I was gay, much to my chagrin. I got told “Honey, it’s okay if you’re gay, we’ll support you.”

I go, “But, I’m not gay… I like women.”

I was told, “Sure, but we’ll support you anyway.”

*facepalm!* I understand the gesture though, lol.

Part II…

It’s finally time for me to get to college. Finally I was able to get to a different place, meet different and new people. Hell, in a school that’s 65% women, there’s no way I could fuck things up, right?

So, college was new and everything, meeting people went okay, but I’d never get a call back to me. I guess it was just my ugly mug that was causing this. It didn’t really help that I am a pretty kinky fucker, but I don’t dress edgy in the least, I’m not alternative, nor am I liberal. Yes, the ‘liberal means kinky’ stereotype pisses me off.

So, after a few months of solitude, I started getting depressed, I really didn’t have many friends. Those little demons in the back of my head, whispering all of my insecurities kept acting up. So, I kept getting more and more depressed, that I was undateable, strange and broken. I mean, what did I know.

Towards the end of the year, I got more and more depressed. I felt utterly alone, fucked up, and that no one would ever decide to date me. I would become more and more alcoholic, spending days where I’d have a drink in the morning, a few drinks throughout the day, and a few drinks to fall asleep. Wake up cuddling the wall my bed was next to and then repeat it.

I was suicidal, but I couldn’t kill myself, because I couldn’t do that to my family. I mean, I had a shotgun the entire time, it was an old friend, I *could* kill myself, but that wasn’t a viable option.

One night, I got into a fight with my roommate, I had a shitty week and needed to decompress. I jumped into my truck (a 4runner) and took off, driving nowhere but just driving. I was driving down a back country road, doing about 70 mph, with the heat up as it was 40 degrees outside, and the windows cracked, to feel alive. I don’t wear a seatbelt on these roads, because, they’re so untraveled. I’m driving, as I need miles of distance when driving to clear my mind, and I see headlights up ahead, about a half mile or so.

I look down, change the radio station, and look up, as the car is about 100 yards away. We’re doing well north of 60 mph, and at about 10 yards distance, the vehicle suddenly veers into my lane. I start cursing, crank the wheel to the right, and say a prayer. There’s a huge crash, and I get thrown into the airbags and black out. I awake as my truck, minus the front left wheel, is sliding down the road, throwing sparks. I have time to fear being on fire, and slide about 130 yards, until I hit the grass on the side of the road, hit my head and black out again. I’ve still got the dent on the side of my head.

While recovering, I realized that my sexual tastes had changed. It was terrifying, I wasn’t me anymore. My thought processes were different, my sexual likes where different. That was terrifying and scary. I have issues linking thoughts, drink heavier, think differently. I became more submissive, lost fetishes, and became service oriented-ish.

I also became a lot more masochistic.

So, I *wanted* to find a partner (I didn’t wanna be alone my entire life), but I didn’t want anything *not* D/s or S/m. I started cruising alt.com, because I couldn’t afford nor did I want to pay for other sites.

Before I continue my tale, I need you to do something for me, to understand where I was mentally with trying to find someone, I want you to see my choices. Go to alt.com, go to your state and punch in ‘under 25’ in the age category, look only for people that ‘identify as dominant’, are ‘female’, and are seeking ‘submissive guys’. Go read a few profiles. Would you date them? I sure as hell wouldn’t. I wasn’t even wanted in the kink world either.

The drinking heavy came back, the glances at the shotgun in the corner (the home defense gun) became more frequent.

What was I to do?

Part III AKA, trying to date terrible girls

So, I started getting even more depressed, because now that I had discovered I could have a relationship style the way I wanted, that everyone I could find who would openly say ‘yes I’m into that’ was NOT someone I’d date, mostly not even be someone I’d want to be an acquaintance of. It was even more depressing then just not knowing.

So, I found two girls in college that were a little bit sadistic.

Long story short, one of them is an honest to God psychopathic; you can feel it in her. Doesn’t help that she’s often admitted the only reason she hasn’t killed someone is because of being in college. Yes, I bottomed to her a few times. Yes, I am an idiot. Yes, I don’t be unarmed around her. It’s that creepy of a vibe.

The other, she’s not good people. She had that feeling, but I ended up being utterly used. I stopped talking to her in epic fashion. Long story short, I waited a few hours for her to meet me, she never looked for me, and I was cussed out for it. I got pissed and flicked her off while having a cigarette. We don’t talk anymore.

I decided that being alone till I die was better than these clusterfucks, so that’s what I decided to do. So, I went to the range, was considering blowing my brains out, but instead just ran a few thousand rounds through the rifle. I decided that my new life plan was to make money, find a 30 year old divorced woman with a kid, and just marry her because she’d need the money and just get her to do whatever I wanted so I’d stay with her. Yeah, like I said, I wasn’t in a good place.

Part IV

So, driving home from college, to get home and I visited a friend from High School. We’ve always kept in touch, just good friends. Turns out she’s a wee bit sadistic, and evidently likes me. Waking up to cuddling is evidently a big clue, lol. Didn’t hurt that I got pimped out hard by a different friend of mine.

So, we started dating, naturally, and things are good. There’s working through everything, through letting her explore and find herself, figure out the way the two of us mesh together, but mainly figuring out what works for the both of us.

There’s issues, like there should be, but they’re worked through in a method that works for us. At the base of everything, we both like each other, and we both wanna see the other be happy (confession, she’s totally the better half, it’s not even a competition). Don’t let her know I said that. But yeah, kinda like the Lee Brice song Love Like Crazy but it’s working for me. I fully expect to be laughed at, but it’s a relationship, not a game, not ‘playing roles’ or any of that tontaria.

___

This post is part of a project to share happy, positive femdom relationship stories.  If you have a story and are willing to share it, please email it to me (ferns AT domme-chronicles DOT com).

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13 Comments

      1. Oh, well then XD

        I thought it was going to be in parts!
        So you didn’t have to spend so much time creating stuff :P

        Why thank you very much.

  1. “…that everyone I could find who would openly say ‘yes I’m into that’ was NOT someone I’d date, mostly not even be someone I’d want to be an acquaintance of. It was even more depressing then just not knowing.”

    This feeling, I know all too well. I’m hoping someday it’ll all work out for me too.

    But I’m sorry it was so rough for you…and I’m glad you seem to have found somebody who makes you happy. :D

    1. Yes, that feeling. It sucks, but it’s kinda true. A wise person once told me to always ask if someone deserved you before dating them.

      I’m glad that the answer is that she does / she deserves better *grin*

      It *should* work out, try not to fret it (which is hard) but have fun and don’t fear looking in the strangest possible places. (IE, not JUST kink type places).

  2. I enjoyed reading your back story. I always find it interesting to see just how someone arrives at a particular place. The journey is as important as the destination.

    I read it a couple of times and I can see some of myself in there. Of course I’m older than you (by a LOT!) and my choice of firearm is different (.45) but I am quite familiar the emotional roller coaster you’ve had to ride. I even had the life changing wreck! (motorcycle)

    It looks like you have found something really good now and I wish you all the best with it. Happy endings are the BEST!

    1. Hiya.
      I take it you’re a 1911 guy. I like em too, but I can’t afford to shoot em. College budget and what have you not. The roller ocaster sucks pretty heavily though.

      Hehehe, I’m about to buy a scooter so yeah, XD

      Happy endings ARE the bestest.

  3. Thank you Jake,

    I also like to see how someone arrives at a particular place.

    It’s great that your luck has changed.

    You seem too modest for a lad. Maybe that is key.

    You share other facts but I wonder if other facts (like watching rotten porn clips, smashing your truck and bumping your head) made that much difference.

    Your modesty is kind of likable. I have no clue where it comes from though.

    I peeked at alt.com. I think that there are some people to avoid and who advertise a lot. They advertise a lot because they are always moving on to new people. Of course I will not say avoid everyone who advertises a lot.

    Be happy.

    Satan

    1. Me, modest? Never *grin*
      Okay, occasionally I’m modest.
      —-
      > smashing your truck and bumping your head
      Honestly, it totally did. Things that sexually appealed to me, completely shifted right after that accident. Like, before, I used to have a major love of leather boots with heels. Now, I couldn’t give less of a care about them. There’s more examples, but yeah, was fun and confusing times.
      Considering it was an extremely major concussion, to the point I was completely confused and begging a cop to tell me who they wanted killed in exchange for a bottle of water (the airbag powder is the nastiest stuff ever, I was prepared to sell my soul for a bottle of water). So, yeah, it was a major head bump. I thought I broke my skull.
      —–
      Anyhow, thanks, and take care.

  4. Apologies for lateness. I just wanted to say that I really love these Happy Femdom stories.

    Yes, I’m a sucker for a happy ending, but also they’re so interesting. It’s amazing to see how different people have gotten to a good place in their lives with some really tough times on the way. It gives hope to us all. Thanks for posting them.

    @Jake – your story is so poignant. It kind of reminded me of the ‘it gets better’ project. I really hope it continues to work out well for you.

  5. So, a very sad post-script for y’all.
    To make a long story short, things did not work out. I’m once again awash in a sea of stuff and things (tired and haven’t slept).

    “Overhead, without any fuss, the stars were going out” – Arthur C. Clarke

    1. *sigh* I’m so sorry about that Jake. I think the ‘happily ever after’ is even more rare than finding it in the first place.

      I should probably not talk about ‘happy endings’, just ‘happiness’ because happiness is in the moments, weeks, months, years, and how it ends doesn’t detract from that one bit.

      *warm hug*

      Ferns

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