Dommes don’t speak, they rawwrrr

Hey, I’ve had a really fun idea!!

I’ve had a few people say how much they love an Australian accent and they seem to insist that I have one of those (despite the fact that I keep telling them that *I don’t have an accent*!!), and I got quite a good reaction to the readings that I have done previously…

…so here’s a game.

In the comments, you give me a phrase or some words or some quote that you want me to say in my non-Australian accent and I will record it and post it. Want me to say a personal hello to you? Want me to say stereotypical Australian things? Want me to read something that you wrote? Want to ask me a question? Want me to recite a favourite poem? Want me to whisper naughty words? Want me to threaten to lock you in a cage, boy? *laugh*

Fun, right?

Also ridiculous, but I do promise I will take all requests (reasonable length only, I’m not reading ‘War and Peace’ for you people!!) and do my best.

* Note: No, I will NOT make animal noises… Come on now!!

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39 Comments

  1. Hi Ms Ferns,

    I’m embarrassed to ask but will please you say hello to me (blush). I’ve been reading you forever and it would be such a thrill to hear you talk to me and say my name.

    Thank you.

    michael

  2. You are dead to me unless you say “Moo, Motherfucker!” (even thought it has an animal noise).

    Doo eet. Please?

    (Ok. It’s official. It’s on the blog.)

    1. It’s totally official! And also, fun!!

      I suspect there will be laughing… Also, I will be practising this out in public with random shouting.

      Ferns

  3. My first instinct was to go crass:

    “Crikey, this Vegemite Sandwich has got me bloody thirsty, I better wash it down with a Fosters (which is Australian for beer) before I star blowing on my didgeridoo!”

    And then I thought that it would be delightful to hear you reading poetry. The problem is, I don’t really like poetry.

    Not that I dislike it, I’ve just never had a real strong appreciation for it.

    I was going to go with a poem I found striking in one of my favorite films, but it turned out to be a obscenely long and depressing Tennyson piece, and a line I admired in one of my favorite novels originated from a Byron work that didn’t quite fit.

    So I think I’d like to request your reading of the Neruda poem you posted a while back. However if there is another poem you think better suited to displaying your lovely speaking voice and non-regional diction by all means go with that (and if it should contain references to whips and chains and lovely pains all the better.)

    1. This is such a wonderful comment with those links, thank you! I have to read Fevre Dream now.

      And I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to read that Neruda poem for you. I am all melty over it!

      Thank you!

      Ferns

      1. Fevre Dream is amazing, Martin is a terrific author (best know for his fantasy series, (being adapted as HBO’s A Game of Thrones) Before giving my full recommendation to Fevre Dream I do want to mention that it gets very dark, it’s powerful but seriously disturbing at times. Enjoy!

        I’m so excited to hear you read the Neruda poem. *Smiling*

        1. However you want, because nobody knows any different!

          And if I get it wrong, I can blame it on my accent… heh… Win-win.

          Ferns

  4. EZ game. Please say “whatever”.

    Also I would *love* to hear you say my two favorite words: “arugula” and “fiasco,” fiasco being the greatest word on the planet imo.

  5. Would you please command me to start cleaning and ironing and doing the washing up.
    I already spent way to much time at my computer.

    1. *smile* Oh, fun. Yes of course. I will even finger wag…

      Though if I don’t hurry up with it, your house will be a total mess and there will be no dishes to eat off. This concerns me.

      Ferns

  6. Lovely idea, DC!
    Would you read some more lines from that book for me? :3 *snickers evilly*

    1. *laugh* Sneaky!!!

      And even if ‘evilly’ isn’t a word, it still totally fits!! ‘Evil sprinkles’, though, doesn’t quite have the ring to it that you might have been aiming for…

      And yes, for you, I will happily trawl through the thousands of words for more rhubarb. Apparently you are suckers for the rhubarb…

      Ferns

  7. “I mean, never doing anal is like only ever cooking with the microwave. All aboard the A-train. *Choo choo*”

    1. *laugh* Oh god… ‘choo choo’? Really?!

      I love this for the ridiculous! If I get through it without laughing madly, it will be amazing. Thank you Hash, for the silliness.

      Ferns

  8. Imagination and wit. You wonder we adore you.
    Okay. Time for the Crocodile Dundee test:
    Please say,
    “Ken you pervert, get your shrimp of my Barbie right now!”

    1. *laugh* These are so funny!!

      You are just going to get a recording of me laughing hysterically.

      Crocodile Dundee style it is!

      Ferns

  9. Oh oh oh *grins evilly* I’d like you to say
    ” England won a thoroughly deserved Rugby World Cup by beating the whinging Aussies comprehensively and decisively! ”

    Yours Sniggeringly ( It’s so a word )

    Coug

  10. “You fat lazy pig! Get up every morning at 6:00 Am and exercise! If I choose to exercise…so must you! Exercise and enjoy it! And do it everyday! Otherwise I am pruning the deadwood and you will be first to go! You would n’t like that now would you? See you have no choice in the matter! So exercise and thank me for it!”

    Smiles it will be so motivational for all of your fans Ferns!