Why chastity is hot

I never used to ‘get it’, I love my man’s orgasms, I love having him come for me, I love everything about it, so I wasn’t interested in having him NOT come. At all. Until I was.

I tried it with my last submissive as a few days of ‘no touching’ as a punishment, there was no ‘device’. I didn’t really expect much from it, I thought he would be frustrated and kind of annoyed, and then it would be done.

His response to it, though, was oh my fucking god incredibly hot and fascinating and so much fucking fun I could barely stand it.

He became this hyper sexualised, hyper sensitive version of himself, and I loved it. He was suddenly amazingly aware of his body, of his desires, his senses picking up any erotic clues in the world, clawing at them and gathering them to him as if they were suddenly vitally important. His energy changed, he got all spiky and manic, like he wanted to run into walls and dive under trains. He thrummed with it, and playing with him in that state became something different, with everything super sharp and focussed.

When the ‘punishment’ ended, we realised that we had discovered a new form of play that just worked, so I explored it some more.

At its simplest, I would describe it as extended foreplay, there was play, touching, teasing, edging, with me coming as much as I wanted, and him not coming at all. He was kept on a sexual edge for as long as I wanted, our play was intensified, he became sensitised in a way he had never been before, his entire way of walking around in the world changed, his view of himself changed, his relationship with his sexuality was emphasised, and I was the owner of all of it.

It was just incredibly hot hot hot, intensely intimate, and amazingly close-making. The longest I went with him denied orgasm was 53 days.

Tl;dr – Because it’s fucking hot. That’s why.

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56 Comments

  1. Hi there,

    You’ve hit the nail on the head about how chastity effects a male’s awareness of his sexuality, his behavior in reaction to that, and how tease and denial can function as extended foreplay for him. For a male to experience foreplay opens up a whole new universe of understanding of how women maybe experience sex and that awareness can greatly increase the intimacy a couple shares… and then, of course, it’s just a rush to have him under your thumb, don’t you think?

    Best,

    scott
    Mrs. Kelly’s Playhouse

    1. “For a male to experience foreplay opens up a whole new universe of understanding of how women maybe experience sex and that awareness can greatly increase the intimacy a couple shares”

      Wait… what? Are you implying that men don’t normally experience foreplay? Or that women normally experience days/weeks of foreplay?

      You are puzzling me! This is obviously something that you have felt, yes? Do you mind explaining it a little further?

      “…and then, of course, it’s just a rush to have him under your thumb, don’t you think?”

      Well, he always was, regardless. *smile*

      Ferns

  2. Wow. Seems to me it’s something like International Male Chastity Week :D
    I’ve been reading Sarah Jameson’s blog for a while now so I’m (at least in theory) somewhat familiar with the effects that more or less long term denial has on men.
    I just saw today that DishevelledDomina interviewed her for her blog and now you come along with the same subject and it’s awesome “side-effects”.
    I am more intrigued than ever. And I also feel like the world is trying to tell me something. xD

    1. *laugh* It’s all a huge conspiracy!!

      For me, discovering its appeal by accident was a surprise. I got lucky with my last. *He* got lucky!

      I remember us both being entirely shocked at his reaction after the first couple of days of the punishment (which turned out sooo not to be a punishment!) and going, “Oh my fucking god, this is amazing!”

      So yes, the world is telling you that you must try it!!

      Ferns

      1. I have had my boyfriend for about a week in chastity with me playing with him in between but him not being allowed to come… I loved it and his change in behaviour and reactions and I am sure he liked it too… so there will be more play like that in the future. For sure!

  3. Of all the things that I consider more likely than not to be asked of me by a hypothetical future domme, chastity has got to be the scariest thing that isn’t on my blacklist.

    Even scarier than needles.

    1. *Even scarier than needles?!!*

      Eeep!

      It’s not scary. Really. There will be cookies!

      I found the denial over time to be like running my own personal little science experiment, with white coat, serious glasses and a clipboard, assessing him each day, each hour, and never knowing what I would find…

      “So, Subject2375, how are you feeling today?”

      *madly taking notes*

      “Ahhh hmmm… What if I do *this* *tweak slap pinch stroke*? How do you feel *now*?”

      *laugh*

      See, fun!

      Ferns

      1. Yeah, I don’t even know what it is that scares me about it. I do like sexy scientists and I guess very active denial sounds more fun than scary.

        1. It *is* fun! Would I lie to you?! *innocent look*

          Re ‘active denial’, I think there is a school of thought out there that thinks that chastity involves ‘set and forget’, where the Domme just says ‘no touching’ or puts him in a device and that’s it. Done. That only works for a teeny tiny minority of folks because, well, if you aren’t going to play with it, where does the fun part come in?

          Ferns

  4. *nods fervently* oh yes – this is one of my favourite types of play! I just love when he’s all squirmy and desperate. It’s the sweetest kind of torment.

    On that note, we bought a cock cage this weekend – first ever one. I can’t WAIT to play with it some more, although even just teasing him about it is fun :) I’ll probably post about it soon.

    J.

    1. ” I just love when he’s all squirmy and desperate. It’s the sweetest kind of torment.”

      Ha! Yes!

      My last was one of the odd ones who didn’t WANT to come because he loved the never ending play even better than coming. He would actually be *disappointed* when I made him come. So fucking amazingly awesome!

      “On that note, we bought a cock cage this weekend – first ever one.”

      Ooohhh… I can’t wait to read that post!! Fun!!

      I’ve never used a device, equipment in general tends to annoy me and get in my way… but then… never say never.

      Ferns

  5. I like the concept of it but I consider it a hard limit because it’s unhealthy for the prostate. =\ At least long term chastity like you mentioned. A few days as an occasional thing would probably be fine.

    1. I’ve done some research on that claim because I wanted to know where it came from (or if it was just made up). The only study I could find on it was this one (and there were many many popular magazine articles spawned off it, so I assume this is the origin):

      Ejaculation Frequency and Subsequent Risk of Prostate Cancer, 2004 *.

      The conclusion is really badly worded, and appears to contradict the result, which states: “… high ejaculation frequency was related to decreased risk of total prostate cancer.”

      To your concern, though, Brids, prostate milking and ruined orgasms are perfectly fine ways to get a man to ejaculate, you know, for his health.

      * I have a copy of the entire paper: if anyone wants it, they can email me. I’d love someone with medical research expertise to give me their opinion on it.

      Ferns

      1. But…30,000 men we part of it! That’s gotta mean something…right? I don’t know, until I can get a concrete answer on it I’ll just keep it a hard limit just in case. Besides, there are known health benefits of orgasms.

        Plus going anywhere near my prostate is another hard limit, it’s just kind of a lose, lose situation.

        1. “I’ll just keep it a hard limit just in case.”

          That’s fair enough, you can have a hard limit on whatever you like for whatever reason you want.

          “Besides, there are known health benefits of orgasms.”

          Well, I gave you the only medical study I could find that relates to this. Ante up the proof. Otherwise it’s at the level of credibility of ‘someone told someone who said that someone else was told by their cousin’s girlfriend’s brother who has an uncle who was a GP!’.

          Ferns

      2. Slightly late to the party here. I’m not a medic, but I do know my stats.

        The reason for the discrepancy is that basically there is an effect, but it is not a strong one.

        The problem here is that overall, this is not a controlled study, so it is possible there is another factor which affects both cancer incidence and ejaculation frequency. They recognise this in the abstract.

        Since prostate cancer is so common (most men will die with (though not of) prostate cancer) I’m not sure it’s worth worrying about.

        One thing I have seen mentioned is the health effects of restricting nocturnal erections. These are important for penile tissue health so there is an argument that long term use would be a bad thing. I find that after wearing a device for a few weeks I don’t have as strong erections for a few days after being let out.

        1. Thanks for that info.

          “One thing I have seen mentioned is the health effects of restricting nocturnal erections. These are important for penile tissue health so there is an argument that long term use would be a bad thing.”

          Studies or GTFO! *laugh*

          Ferns

  6. As a submissive male, I enjoy the control that my Queen has over my releases. I don’t think she fully understands my kinks, but she is becoming more open to it, as she likes how I behave when I am denied. I focus on her more and we are much more affectionate. The comment on it being like extended foreplay really resonated with me. During normal vanilla sex, I rarely get any foreplay at all, but sometimes when we play, it’s essentially 100% foreplay with no resolution, then I pleasure her and we fall asleep, her satisfied and me out of my mind horny. Having such a desire for her, such passion is fun, and it’s a bummer but it goes away when I orgasm. There have been times when I act like a complete jerk after I come. It sounds very weird, but I almost don’t want to come, to push my limits and see how I react to an extended period of chastity. I believe my longest time was about three weeks. Just finished two weeks, but this has been more intensive with female pleasure. Hoping to perform cunnilingus on her tonight (she just finished her period) while locked in my chastity cage. I am quite looking forward to it!

    Cheers
    sherulestherooster

    1. I’m glad it’s working out for you both.

      “Having such a desire for her, such passion is fun, and it’s a bummer but it goes away when I orgasm. There have been times when I act like a complete jerk after I come.”

      I’ve heard this before and I think it’s a sub-category of chastity play. I would hate it if my submissive lost desire and passion OR acted like a jerk after he came (hardly surprising). It would be a relationship issue for me to be reliant on chastity for him to be the partner that I want. I struggle with picturing how that works.

      Either way, I’m happy to hear it is providing you both with something that makes you happy. Congratulations, and may it long continue.

      Ferns

  7. Now if Hamlet had said, “The foreplay’s the thing…” he might not have caused all that trouble and been a better boy for Ophelia… My Lady controls all of me, and extends the “tease” long as she likes, alternatively often will make me come over and over, many times… and that has the same effect, all exercising her control, which is the hottest for us both.

  8. ohyeah. Exactly.

    although, I have to hand it to you. I think the most we have made it is 3 weeks. It is so thrilling to us both, that it is literally time-consuming and distracting! And we both work at home, so we are together all the time. I just can’t get as much done when he is in chastity…lol. I could fix that by locking him up and not doing the play or tease, but I sincerely feel that over time that would lower his sex drive. Like training him to *not* be sexual, which of course is not what I want.

    I wouldn’t knock the devices just yet. We have a specially made custom steel one that is so hot. Plus – there is something to be said for fingering the necklace that holds the key to it while out to dinner, or around kids, or wherever. The subtle reminder that he can’t even touch. It isn;t necessary to keep him from doing as I wish – I just like it!

    -MistressKimm

    1. ” It is so thrilling to us both, that it is literally time-consuming and distracting!”

      *laugh* Yes! I could hardly think about anything else.

      “I could fix that by locking him up and not doing the play or tease, but I sincerely feel that over time that would lower his sex drive. Like training him to *not* be sexual, which of course is not what I want.”

      I agree. I think there are a number of folks who think that chastity is about some kind of ‘set and forget’, but only a tiny minority play that way. I just can’t see any fun in that for me, or for him.

      “I wouldn’t knock the devices just yet. We have a specially made custom steel one that is so hot.”

      I never say never!! Except just then. When I said it twice.

      Ferns

      1. Chastity devices do have a role in a D/s relationship just like any toy in the “suitcase under the bed”. It comes down to how it is used. If the sub enjoys wearing it for the Dom – then it is something that I think makes sense. If the Dom only uses it as a punishment tool – then there are other things going on in the relationship that need discussed. So it really depends on how it is used and what the “agreement” is between the two.
        While it is more symbolic, a cage IS a deterrent – no question.

  9. Hello Lovely Fern,

    I was/am in the exactly the same poisition as you were… I didn’t/dont understand chastity as a form of control.

    HOWEVER, after reading this post im going to try it out. Thanks!!!

    xx

  10. Just stumbled back on this…. just, wow. and yes yes. ‘Active’ chastity strikes me a bit as a beautiful complement or yang or other side of the coin to the emotions contained in that recent slap video. So much yielding, and trust, and focus, and intimacy, and otherworldiness.

    1. *smile* Yes, it’s amazing, fascinating, scorching hot and super intimate.

      I was so surprised and delighted by it. Just… wow!

      Ferns

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