Domme: Online training

Ha! It’s not what you think, but now that you are here, read on…

Since it’s my forty-mumbleish birthday in a few months, I have decided that I should be in the best shape of my life right now. Truly. I have the time, I have no excuse, I live at the frigging beach for goodness’ sakes!

I can thank good Dutch genes and self awareness (versus physical activity and a good diet) for the body I have now. The genes are just rude luck, the self awareness relates to my theory of body care (proven, I will have you know!) which can be summarised by the following:

Sloth beats greed

It works like this: I am greedy, if I have yummy things in the house, *I will eat them all*! Truly, I will. However, I am also lazy, and I rely on the laziness outweighing the greed. How? I refuse to have junk food in the house. So if I *crave* something that’s bad for me, and don’t have it in the house, I know that I will be too damn lazy to go out and get any. So I just don’t have it. See how that works?

Yeah, I know. It’s brilliance! *takes a bow*

However, while this erstwhile strategy has worked to keep me at a pretty stable weight, it doesn’t actually magically give me any level of fitness at all, so I am slim, but kind of buttery-soft.

I’ve decided I’m going to address it, all gung-ho like.

To that end, for the last month I have been doing a brutal 6-day-a-week gym routine and I have been trying to eat more mindfully.

I know, impressive, right?!

My aim is to keep up the intensity for three months, and that will take me up to my birthday (yes, of course, presents are most welcome, thank you for asking!). At 12 weeks, I will reassess where I am and what next.

While I’m still doing fine with it, I’m now a month in and I am starting to hear those little voices in my head, you know the ones. The ones that were in my ear for ages before I actually started going to the gym, the ones that make excuses, that whine about going, that make it difficult to stay on track.

So, I have now invited my sweet friend Peroxide to join me. He talked about going to the gym ages ago (he promised pictures! Tease!), and then he became suspiciously quiet about it. So I have recruited him into my cult of gym-going so that we can stalk each other in a totally supportive, group huggish kind of way and I can send him encouraging emails, “YOU HAVEN’T BEEN TO THE GYM IN FOUR DAYS, DON’T GIVE ME YOUR EXCUSES, BOY!!” etc. I figured that if I have him to nag support with kind words and bolstering, it will help me stay on track because I will then feel as if I must lead by example because being a hypocrite doesn’t sit well with me… win-win!!

So here’s my online training offer to you, yes YOU. You who have been meaning to do this for a while, but instead you are dicking about going, ‘Ugh, I should really get to the gym… I know I should…” while you sit on the couch eating chips and watching ‘Biggest Loser’. Believe me, I know. Starting is the hardest thing EVER.

COME AND JOIN ME!!

We can have a little D/s-ey fitness club that provides some mutual support. The public nature of it means there is some external accountability, and we can peek in on each other’s progress and give a kick in the arse here, a gentle nudge over there, a congratulatory pat when deserved.

I have just started using jefit.com to track my workouts. It has an iPhone/Android app that I used at the gym to record my workout for the first time today and it’s great (and free!). You can join over there and I will add you to my contacts, and you can be all techno geeky about your gym-going with me.

Join here: Jefit
Message me so I know who you are: Ferns
Copy my workout to use *: My gym routine (be warned, it’s a brutal regime and more than a little confusing. I’m happy to send you more information about it, just ask. You can, of course, create your own.)

Then I will be able to see your activity and progress, like peeking in your windows!

I expect there won’t be many takers for this offer, but if you contact me over there, I will happily give you some support in your training efforts, give you a little shove-along if you need it, and you can send me cute notes to help keep me true also *.

Even if you aren’t a member over there and aren’t interested in any of this, you can go and see my progress in this logging calendar. I might put that in the sidebar so that you can all keep me accountable. I mean, seriously, dommely Domme fails in her efforts to stick to a simple gym routine? That’s just humiliating!

I might even post a ‘before’ picture if I get enough interest. There’s incentive for you!!

Maybe an ‘after’ in a bikini at the end of the three months…

* Disclaimer: I am not a personal trainer and am not offering any expertise or professional advice here, this is solely about accountability and support.


Edited to add: Of course this gym-frenzy is probably because I’m not gettin’ any. Just saying.

Edited to add: If you are using some *other* web site that has a tracking mechanism, please still feel free to join us! With your permission, I will put a link to your tracker over there on my Check my workouts! page and we can still give you support and encouragement.

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42 Comments

  1. Since it’s my forty-mumbleish birthday in a few months, I have decided that I should be in the best shape of my life right now

    HA!… You are but a mere youth compared to me. Since I am now closer to 60 than 50, I have been trying to slow down advancing decrepitude by starting an exercise program of my own. Of course, between my staggering work schedule and my proclivity for drug and alcohol abuse, progress has been less than stellar.

    We can have a little D/s-ey fitness club that provides some mutual support. The public nature of it means there is some external accountability

    I accept your invitation to “gung-ho” it for the next three months and who knows, I just might like it enough to keep going for another few months until MY birthday.

    I’ll use large parts of your routine with some modifications and have it in place by mid-weekend.

    1. “Of course, between my staggering work schedule and my proclivity for drug and alcohol abuse, progress has been less than stellar.”

      Yes, I can see both of those getting in the way. Though one is largely outside of your control, while the other *hic* is obviously completely within it…

      “I accept your invitation to “gung-ho” it for the next three months and who knows, I just might like it enough to keep going for another few months until MY birthday.”

      YES!!!! Awesome!! I have sent you a message over there and added you to my contacts *wave*.

      I currently have an issue raised with their support because the ‘Friends’ functionality doesn’t seem to be working.

      Ferns

  2. Ah yes, somebody has reached that point where she realizes that one’s body is a temple, and the maintenance workers can no longer get the right parts.

    I did this a few years ago, and I still work out frequently, except that I injured myself doing stupid man things pushing a school bus off the railroad tracks, so I haven’t been able to lift weights for a while. I’m doign a lot of cycling, which, unfortunately, isn’t in the Jefit routines.

    However, in the spirit of sympathy for a senior citizen camaraderie, I’m going to clean off the clothes hangar home gym and start working with light weights.

    I’m willing to post stats and pictures if you are. Let’s see how many people we can get to sign up.

    1. “Ah yes, somebody has reached that point where she realizes that one’s body is a temple, and the maintenance workers can no longer get the right parts.”

      *laugh* I am apparently no longer flexible enough to give them access…

      “I’m doign a lot of cycling, which, unfortunately, isn’t in the Jefit routines.”

      They do ‘cardio’ on the site, but *very* poorly (it has to be entered in ‘reps’ – WTF?!), so yes, not particularly useful for that. Apparently an upgrade is in the works for this.

      “I’m going to clean off the clothes hangar home gym and start working with light weights.”

      Yes!!! Yay you!! You deserve to come good after saving those kiddies on the school bus…

      “I’m willing to post stats and pictures if you are. Let’s see how many people we can get to sign up.”

      My stats are on the Jefit site (still to add measurements, the gym took some (poorly) when I started… apparently I am 2cm taller than I thought…).

      As for pictures, I will send privately to those who join me (look in your inbox!), but public posting is still a firm ‘maybe if there is enough interest’.

      Ferns

  3. I love this! I do! I’m totally not a gym person. I’ve tried and I get bored. My mind wonders and I’ve found it only works for me if I can convince a friend to do it with me so that I can act goofy and get dirty looks from trainers for staying on a machine too long because I wasn’t focused and laughing too hard. BUT, having said that… I’m currently on the anti-gym path… A friend and I meet to swim, do a zumba class, hike etc… which isn’t really accommodating for you Jefit program. I’m all for the support and accountability aspect though. Great idea! I’m cheering you on from the sidelines. Perhaps after the summer if you’ve decided to continue and the weather prevents me from doing the outside things I’ll try the gym again. It’s doubtful, however much I wish I were that person. I’d probably need a personal trainer… someone really hot to drool over when my mind is wondering so I still seem focused… hmmm… perhaps.

    1. “I’m totally not a gym person. I’ve tried and I get bored.”

      Me too!! I am notoriously bad at sticking to these things.

      Being a month in and still at it is pretty good for me. The intensity and having to keep changing things *within* each exercise is also good for keeping my mind occupied.

      “A friend and I meet to swim, do a zumba class, hike etc… which isn’t really accommodating for you Jefit program.”

      That’s great!

      “I’m cheering you on from the sidelines.”

      Thank you! I will gratefully take cheering anywhere I can get it.

      “I’d probably need a personal trainer… someone really hot to drool over when my mind is wondering so I still seem focused… hmmm… perhaps.”

      *grin* I find personal trainers work well for me because I get all ‘Fuck you!!’ at them about it *laugh*. Funny that. But it’s an expensive option for the longer term.

      Ferns

  4. This may be the only time i get to give a Domme a shove-along.
    count me in.
    Will set up later and be in touch.
    peter

    1. Does that mean you are in, puppy?! Of course it does. Those abs won’t six-pack themselves, you know…

      I look forward to seeing you over there.

      Ferns

      1. Cattle prods? Speak for yourself, it is My Dommely Dommeness that sparks such feverish devotion in My submissives.

        Good thing too, since this vinyl corset is awfully hard to work out in.

  5. Testing testing!
    Hi Ferns great idea…i did write a real long response…but damn it it went !! So in short…just be aware of tendinitis of the forearm and elbow from going at the weights. i am on the injured list now (again from this) and my net research shows it is really common.
    So do your research on how to avoid it… and i look forward to starting up again with you in a few weeks! (after 6 weeks off).
    i also look forward to your results and the enjoyment you get from feeling stronger, fitter and sexier! Dont lose your “boobs” though!
    regards and respect always brendan

    1. Thanks for the warning, brendan. Sorry for your injury and I shall keep an eye on it.

      As for not losing the “boobs”, you do realise that the quotation marks around “boobs” indicates that you believe that these are in fact so-called boobs, not real boobs at all.

      I shall now be mortally insulted and insist that my boobs are perfectly real and add that I haven’t lost them once in my entire life!

      Ferns

  6. I wouldn’t be too concerned about losing your boobs. First of all, you have two of them so they can kinda watch out for each other until you find them.

    Secondly, if you get in the habit of leaving a trail of bread crumbs or something behind as you go through your day, they will find YOU if they should get lost.

    Have a lovely week.

  7. You know, I would, but …

    And don’t forget to rest every few days to give your body time to recover, seriously!

    1. “You know, I would, but …”

      But… there’s ice cream and chips to be eating?!! Heh.

      “And don’t forget to rest every few days to give your body time to recover, seriously!”

      Thanks. Unfortunately, my brutal program is well designed to properly rest worked body parts while only giving *me* rest one day a week *groan whine*.

      Ferns

      1. Ohgawd. That is some serious self-mutilation, Ferns!

        I try to keep up a regular running schedule and I go climbing, which is perfect because you need all your muscles. Plus: it’s more fun than the gym! I can highly recommend it.

        And yes, chips are my drug of choice. *sighs* though I’m really lucky with my genes too, only gaining wait at the “girly” parts, you know. Still, a little too much tummy fat there … aaargl, I might join your routine after all.

      2. “That is some serious self-mutilation, Ferns!”

        *wry smile* Literally, it seems. I now have my first injury after 5 weeks of goodness…WTF?! Not easily identifiable, but seems like some sort of pinched nerve vs muscular. Hopefully I can get it sorted quickly.

        “…and I go climbing”

        Oooh… climbing!! I used to climb (you mean rock climbing, yes?). I used to live right by some cliffs on a river and went every weekend for a while. It was wonderful and oh my yes, fit and strong… raawwwrrr!! Such a sexy sport.

        Ferns

        1. “5 weeks in, huh? Well, that didn’t take long.”

          Don’t you DARE say that!! In the world of Ferns’ gym-going, 5 weeks is a *massive* achievement and deserves accolades and pageantry!

          “Arm? Shoulder? Legs? Not enough to knock you out of the program, is it?”

          It’s an odd difficult-to-isolate injury in my side/glute/hip that causes pain when doing impact + long strides (ie running).

          And no, it won’t scupper me completely. Lower body weights impact it not at all (phew!), and I can do cycling (which I HATE, and yes, I know that would be baffling for you!) instead of running for a week or so and I’m sure it will heal up nicely (fingers crossed).

          Ferns

        2. and I can do cycling (which I HATE, and yes, I know that would be baffling for you!)

          Ugh. I hate running. Tracks, treadmills, ellipticals, stair-climber things are the most gawd-awfully boring ways to spend an hour (or whatever length of time) working out.

          But I can hop on a bike and pedal for a couple of hours, and I’m always looking for ways to make it more challenging. I like moving fast, so 20 mph on a bike beats the slow-pokey pace on a treadmill any day.

  8. Hi Ferns, how timely! I’d just gotten into good eating and fitness patterns before a new job came along and the change in routine. Now I want to stop being an office blob and start exercising.

    I’ll probably wait until my next paycheck to take out a gym membership, but if you’re okay with having someone on board doing circuit training, cardio, and strength (push ups and the like) then I’m game.

    1. Ugh, shame that the change in routine interrupted your plans. I know what you mean. Congrats on the new job, though!

      “… if you’re okay with having someone on board doing circuit training, cardio, and strength (push ups and the like) then I’m game.”

      Yes!!! I would love it if you joined me! That would be great!

      Ferns

      1. So, would I get like into serious trouble, were I to fix you a breakfast of cornbread French Toast, topped with roasted peaches and goat’s milk caramel with a bourbon glaze?

        1. Wow!! That sounds perfectly delicious!

          No, no trouble. I love it when men cook for me, and once in a while, something indulgent like that would be amazing!

          Ferns

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