Moo, motherfucker!

“If wanting some degree of intelligence in those I speak with makes me a cow… Well, then. Moo, motherfucker.”

That partial quote from someone’s profile (I didn’t note whose!) made me laugh so hard.

I am intending to use it as a retort when I get a ridiculous email:

Random idiot: Helo Mistress, r u want 2 fuk my ass?

Me: Moo, motherfucker!

Random idiot: WTF?! U bitches b crazy!

This thought makes me laugh every time.

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28 Comments

  1. “Moo, motherfucker.”

    Perfectly precious! It conveys an attitude of slightly unhinged derision without the use of a lot of unnecessary words. It’s also very versatile and can easily be applied to any number of everyday situations. I might just add it to my arsenal of pithy phrases.

    Of course, I won’t use it when I go to court the week after next because I’m certain that they would view slightly unhinged derision as a negative thing. Those court people are always so serious.

    1. “It’s also very versatile and can easily be applied to any number of everyday situations.”

      Yes!! *laugh* Sooo many situations! Even in polite company, you can just quietly say “Moo…” and the meaning will be totally clear to those of us in the know.

      Ferns

  2. It reminds me of “Lincoln’s Riddle:”

    “If a sheep’s tail is considered a leg, how many legs does a sheep have?”
    “Five”
    “No, only four. Calling a tail a leg does not make it so.”

    Random idiot: Helo Mistress, r u want 2 fuk my ass?

    Her: If I call your ear an ass, and head-fuck you, will that suffice?

    Random idiot: WTF?! U bitches b crazy!

    1. *laugh* These comments are so great!

      The only issue with this one is that you used both the word ‘ass’ and ‘head-fuck’. You have just provided primo wank fodder to said random idiot.

      A more likely response from him would look something like that:

      Random idiot: How big is ur strap-on u use 2 fuk my hed? *fapfapfap*

      If you substitute random kitchen appliances for actual body parts, then we would totally have a winner!

      Ferns

  3. Ferns, could your reply use a salutation?

    What about “Dear Random,”?

    Now we come to your message itself.

    Your first draft:

    “Moo, motherfucker” is funny. You are off to a great start.

    But Peroxide made an important new point. This Random has sent you a question. Do you want to fuck his ass? At least let him know!

    Your first edit:

    “Mu, motherfucker” now says what you mean.

    Why not “Mu, motherfucker”

    http://catb.org/jargon/html/M/mu.html

    In this case a link just helps the reader, if he needs help, to get at what you mean.

    To me an open mind is one thing but to fuck an ass would be weird. I mean even if the ass didn’t mind! Ditto the cow or the sheep.

    What about the closing? Why not use “Yours sincerely” or “Warmest regards,” or something like that?

    I know you love to be funny and, most of all, warm and kind.

    That’s why we all love you so much!

    Good luck!

    Satan

    1. *laugh* I shall just have you field my correspondence so that you can add the appropriate salutations, answer the salient questions and be generally much nicer than me.

      Ferns

        1. How was your day as me? Can we swop back now please! This was a bad idea! I can’t take it! Idiots ask me to do stupid things to them! Your boots are uncomfortable and my poker is drooping.

          Ferns

    1. *laugh* The only problem with it is that to kick it off, you first have to find someone who says ‘whatever’ all the time. Nobody says that anymore…

      Ferns

        1. Dammit, I could have sworn your response there was going to be ‘whatever’… it was the absolute perfect setup!!

          *sigh*

          Ferns

  4. Yes! At last, you are learning the Essentials of Oneupmanship!

    Remember, Miss Ferns, few typewriters are made of chocolate.

    1. Thank you for those words of wisdom.

      I have no idea what you are saying, but thank you all the same. One day, I might understand, and the world will suddenly be a much simpler place.

      Also, I would very much like a chocolate typewriter.

      Ferns

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