Finding my blog

Here’s a secret: If you want to send sweet anonymous love notes to someone with a blog, then you can totally do it with cute Google searches. Of course, it does rely on the author of said blog actually *looking* at this search data at some stage. Which I really don’t. Until I am doing a post just like this. Then I find the cuteness:

“domme chronicles queen of awesome and teh writing”
“domme chronicles ferns you are a smile making machine”
“domme chronicles ferns you are a voice of reason, thank you”
“domme chronicles you are all in my head”
“domme chronicles you are an awesome writer imo”
“domme chronicles awesomest phone call ever”
“domme chronicles sleep keeps me from you”
“domme chronicles i’m now pavlovian with email”
“domme chronicles you’re like an australian female dominant buddha”

*laugh* Brilliantly sweet!! Thank you!!

Other search terms that I am sure led to bitter, bitter disappointment for the searchers:

“i hate femdom”
“i fucking hate femdom”
“cow cock strapon” <= my favourite!
“dyke dommes”
“eight pack femdom photo”
“femdom hate fuck”
“femdom makes me sad”
“gay fullrubbersuit”
“golf ball ass plug”
“im rubbing myslf raw”
“man having sex with objects”
“miss beautiful vagina 2011 pictures”
“push back your knees spread your legs photo”
“strange pussy no labia”
“stun gun femdom story”
“what is the bdsm furniture that looks like an ironing board?” <= any guesses?
“펨돔유튜브” <= ??! Korean, and translates to "Pemdomyutyubeu". Um... okay.

I just found this search term also (seriously):

“hello hun, i was a pro domme when i was just 18 and now, 2 years later (i am 20) i’ve decided to
have my fun through craigslist. as long as you are submissive we can have our fun and find out
what limits you may have/what you like. if you enjoy being humiliated but not whipped that’s fine, if
you like being whipped, humiliated peed on, that’s fine too, i do adore my feet being worshiped so i
will no doubt demand that of you no matter whether you like it or not. i”

Obviously a copy-and-paste fail, but still, I like how she added that 18 + 2 = 20 for the email recipient, you know, just in case that was too hard for them to figure out for themselves.

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23 Comments

      1. Now, who’s comments section sucks?

        That was supposed to link to the rather disappointing results for this search message.

        “domme chronicles” so is this a shameless ploy to get your legions of drooling fans to send you sweet anonymous notes or what? not that you don’t deserve to be buried alive under letters of adoration, but c’mon Ferns, at least be subtle about it. Love you – anonymous”

        Which does not return a result for your blog, and so could not be sent sweetly or anonymously, and since I refuse to be anything other than garrulous in regards for my infatuation with your blog I’m not going to try and simplify the message down to a level that returns useful results.

        1. “Now, who’s comments section sucks?”

          *laugh* Yours!!! I call this one user error!

          “Which does not return a result for your blog”

          It does not!!! Google hates me!

          I do love that as a search term though! Kudos!!

          Ferns

        2. A new search term turned up since I last looked: “domme chronicles did i get it right this time?”

          *laugh* That was you, wasn’t it? And yes, yes you did…

          Ferns

    1. 10 to the negative 6, motherfucker. I’m… I’m sorry, I couldn’t help myself. Alternatively: coefficient of friction motherfucker, reduced mass motherfucker, population mean motherfucker, or magnetic dipole momement motherfucker.

      Heh heh, yay, the greek letter mu *crickets*

  1. Okay, this is another, yes another, thing I don’t understand about the internet/computers. What are people talking about with these searches? Peroxide blogged about this, recently, as well, and I had no idea what he meant. What search data are you looking at that brought this up?

    1. Aww bless. I use Google Analytics to see activity on my blog. It shows all sorts of stats, including ‘search terms people used to find your blog’.

      The proper purpose of all the info in Google Analytics is not for the lulz (which is the only reason I use it!), it is meant to be so that you can optimise your content/keywords/some other things and increase your traffic based on it (don’t ask me how to do *that*, I really don’t know).

      Ferns

      1. F,

        Quote: …it is meant to be so that you can optimise your content/keywords/some other things and increase your traffic based on it (don’t ask me how to do *that*, I really don’t know).

        Considers recent corset and strap-on pics. Well, “something” is getting optimised, that’s for sure. Oh. Right. Another dyslexic word choice moment. I meant maximize, not optimize. Boom-chish!

        E.

  2. Oh, so if someone clicks onto your blog, the google analytics thing can tell you what they typed into the search right before they clicked on your blog?

    So people just typed those above messages into a search prior to clicking on your blog so you would find them when you went to google analytics? Is that what happened?

    I have the worst headache suddenly.

    1. “so if someone clicks onto your blog, the google analytics thing can tell you what they typed into the search right before they clicked on your blog?”

      Yes!

      “So people just typed those above messages into a search prior to clicking on your blog so you would find them when you went to google analytics? Is that what happened?”

      Yes!!! You have it, by george, I think you have it!! Though it was one person, of course… There is a pattern of sweet secret note-sending there and that’s no coincidence…

      Ferns

  3. I’ve had some really hot
    ‘femdom hate fuck’s’….don’t knock it. ;)

    Actually, it is the ‘Femdom makes me sad’
    one that I am so curious about. I’ve seen people who are interested, curious, not-interested, angered, or amused by it, etc. But…sad?? I’m trying to get a picture of this person in my head. Religious fanatic? A secret submissive women who tops her partner, but doesn’t want to?? Who IS it and why does it make them sad??? Tell me!

    1. uh, that was me.

      -MistressKimm

      (I should have left it anonymous to see if you could guess. As a matter of fact, all responders should do that to you one day. It would drive you nuts… ;)

      1. “I’ve had some really hot
        ‘femdom hate fuck’s’….don’t knock it.”

        Your interpretation is much better than mine. I assumed it was some version of ‘femdoms hate fucking’.

        “Actually, it is the ‘Femdom makes me sad’ one that I am so curious about.”

        I know, it’s a little heartbreaking! Maybe someone on either side of the slash who can’t find what they want or how it fits, so it makes them sad?

        “…all responders should do that to you one day. It would drive you nuts…”

        It would totally and utterly drive me nuts!! NOBODY DO THAT!!

        Ferns

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