I am not sure how much I want to write in this update about e, but I did want to just get it out there and fill in the details later. Or not.
The shortest of short stories is that there is no spark between us.
Sitting at a bar, after the first full day together, I asked e how he thought it was going. He said he wasn’t sure yet. I was a little more optimistic with some very light play being hot to me (though he touched me like he was handling a mack truck, so that was a big clue, really), and seeing enough potential to keep my mind open. The end of the evening, though, was awkward, disappointing, telling.
He called it on the second day: he was not ‘feeling it’. I would have persevered a little longer to see if there was potential that might have been possible to draw out after all that went before, but he was clearly not attracted to me, so there was nothing there to build on.
There is no fault or blame here, e is charming and sweet and is making a big effort to ensure that I have a good time. We have been hanging out every day and we do get along really well. So at least there’s that.
As for me, I am a little shaken, deflated, ego-bruised. I hate that I got it wrong (this is the first time, which spoils my perfect record!), and I wished for so many things, which I think, this optimistic and hopeful wishful thinking, was part of the problem that I created for myself.
*sigh* I so wanted a happy ending. Or at least a whole bunch of kissing. Fuck.