Which strap-on harness?

I mentioned in this post that I have two strap-on harnesses. I’ve since had a few women ask me which they are and what I think of them, so I thought I’d write a post to talk about it.

Firstly, I have to stress that I am not some sort of pegging ‘expert’: I have no special knowledge or insight, and I really haven’t tried a lot of harnesses. I’m just sharing my experience in case it’s useful, and I’m hoping you will share yours also.

When I first wanted to try a strap-on, I had a single aim with the harness: to have as little between me and him as possible. I wanted to feel his skin against mine while I was fucking him, I wanted to be as close to him as I could get, I wanted to feel like my cock was part of me, and not an added-on piece of bulky equipment.

* Click product names in headings for link to a product page.

** Edited to add that the harnesses are pictured with cocks for illustrative purposes only. Cocks not included (Tantus Bend Over Beginner is an exception). Batteries also not included. Nor are the models or the mannequins…

Sportsheets Bare as You Dare

I bought this harness on the recommendation of Sinclair Sexsmith – a kinky queer butch top who reviews loads of products. It was one of her favourites, and the closest to ‘nothing between me and him’ that I could find.  It is incredibly cheap, made out of nylon webbing, very lightweight, and washable. The O-ring is removable, so you can replace it with a different size if you want to. It’s a great inexpensive option to ‘just try it out’ (vs spending $100 and then finding that you actually aren’t that keen on strap-on play).

Downsides: It’s not hugely comfortable since the straps are quite stiff, and if you are very active, it’s not all that stable. I thought that the single strap might rub my clit just right for great effect (one of the pluses that Sinclair talked about), but it doesn’t.

Tantus Bend Over Beginner

I bought this one specifically for the ability to add a bullet vibe, because (unsurprisingly) I wanted to come while fucking him. This one is also nylon, and is machine washable, with a jock strap style rather than a g-string style. It is comfortable, and much more stable than the other. I assume that you can buy the harness separate from the kit since I’m pretty sure I didn’t buy the entire kit, but perhaps they have changed their marketing and it’s only available in kit form now. If you need to buy a kit, there is also the intermediate version (same harness, bigger cocks): Bend Over Intermediate.

Downsides: I’m not so keen on the look of it, it’s a little too ‘plush toy’ for my liking (what *was* I thinking?!), and the vibe thing doesn’t work for me anyway. Boo hiss!

Possible future buys

Spareparts Joque

** Edited to add photos of the harness sans cock… the cock does not come with the harness, cock perves!

I already mentioned the Spareparts Joque in my previous post. It’s not that pretty to me (yes, yes, I know the photos are HOT, but seriously, you could put those models in gold velour granny-pants and they would look hot!), but if you read the reviews on it, they are overwhelmingly and glowingly positive. It has a spot for a vibe, and is apparently very stable and hugely comfortable.

When I think about this one, I picture wearing it out under jeans, coming home, undoing my zip quickly, shoving a cock in there and snarling “Suck this, bitch!” within 2 minutes of walking in the door… Guh!

ETA: I did buy this one and it’s pretty amazing. Beautifully made, very comfortable, very stable. A great buy.

Aslan Jaguar

I love the Aslan Jaguar, and in fact the Aslan Minx might be even prettier with a kind of lace-up corset back. It’s so damn sexy, but I am dubious about keeping leather clean with all the lube, sweat, fluids etc that will get on (and in) it. The guy in the fetish shop sells leather harnesses and he said ‘No worries, you can scrub it with soap if you want, you just have to condition it afterwards’, but I’m still dubious about it. I have done a bit of reading on the care of leather harnesses and there are mixed reviews. Some women have said that it just gets ‘icky’ after a while no matter what, others have had theirs for many years and say that it’s still as good as new.

It would be great if you could really for real ‘try before you buy’ and bring it back if you didn’t like it! *laugh*

So do any of you have a favourite strap-on harness? If so, why do you like it?

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76 Comments

  1. I could not imagine a leather harness being especially comfortable. It looks good though!

    Having never being pegged before, that Spareparts Joque one seems very large. Definitely gives one pause.

    1. “I could not imagine a leather harness being especially comfortable.”

      The Aslan harnesses are often described as ‘buttery soft’… apparently a beautiful quality leather. More like a soft leather jacket than a shoe, I imagine.

      “Having never being pegged before, that Spareparts Joque one seems very large.”

      *laugh* The harness or the cock?! Most harnesses will fit small to quite large ones.

      Ferns

      1. Yeah, from the comments, the cocks are getting focus… I deliberately chose photos with cocks so that people could get an idea of how they work, but I might have to add pictures *without* cocks!!

        People here are obsessed with cocks!

        Ferns

    1. Nice, thanks for that. And yes, that comment was cute (the Jocque reminds me of a climbing harness).

      It reminds me of some instructions I found for making a simple strap-on harness out of rope. I thought I bookmarked it, but can’t find it now.

      This clip shows a more complex rope harness. I’d have to make my submissive learn it (that is not very subtle code for ‘oh god, who could be bothered!?’): Shibari strap-on harness

      Ferns

      1. Ferns, the rubber one’s such an easy afternoon project though, and would cost ~20 bucks a pop if you’re making multiple ones.

        That rope looks interesting, but DEAR GOD, the learning curve, it scares me.

  2. My ex-gf had a latex one (both harness and dildo, latex is kinda her thing). I tried it on once and I didn’t really like it, because it moved so much. It didn’t feel like I had all that much control over it. And when she fucked me with it, it didn’t feel like she had that much control over it. Yeah. Well. But, women in strap-ons are hot.
    And you’re right, the Spareparts Joque is pretty ugly. And it has balls. Ew. Huge turn-off for me.

    1. “My ex-gf had a latex one (both harness and dildo, latex is kinda her thing).”

      Latex dildo? You are making that up!! Actually I asked my friend Google and there it was… inflatable ones too…! Who knew? Well, you and your ex obviously!

      “I tried it on once and I didn’t really like it, because it moved so much. It didn’t feel like I had all that much control over it.”

      Yes, that’s a problem with the g-string style ones also.

      “And you’re right, the Spareparts Joque is pretty ugly. And it has balls. Ew. Huge turn-off for me.”

      No, silly, the Spareparts Joque is the *harness*! Harness /= dildo. I’ve added another photo, people are distracted by the cock! Cock perves!

      Ferns

        1. No no… no be-balled (heh) dick (and I agree with you, by the way, it’s not an attractive cock!).

          I have clarified the post, and added a couple more photos, you know, for educational purposes!

          Ferns

  3. I should note up front that I use my harness setup for penetrative sex with a female partner; I don’t really know if there are qualities you’d want in a harness for pegging that would be different (except for perhaps the ability to swap rings to take a smaller size cock).

    I use the one marketed by Stockroom as “The Low Rise”. I’ve seen the same one offered by Good Vibrations, too.

    It’s a leather jock-strap style harness. I like it a lot. I feel sexy wearing it, and it’s very solid — the cock moves when I move, and my partner can feel even very subtle moves I’m making with my hips. It’s also low and minimal enough that I can wear it under clothes when that’s relevant for a scene. I’ve worn it in public under clothes (without the cock) and forgotten it was there. The leather is fairly stiff out of the package, but I found it’s gotten much more pliant and softer with use, while staying very sturdy.

    Things I would change about it: This one has you push the cock through a hole in the leather, and then the cock is additionally secured by a metal ring (which you can swap out for different sizes). If you look at the Jaguar above, it’s the same idea. The hole in the actual leather, however, is more restrictive of the size you can use than the rings it can take. So I can get a bigger ring, but I can’t use a bigger cock without modifying the harness because it won’t pass through the hole in the leather.

    I’ll be taking it with me to a kink event in a month or so. There will be a lot of leatherworkers there, and I’m going to see if I can find someone to neatly snip off the trailing ends of the straps, which are fairly long and can get in the way of clothing. I may ask if there’s a way to increase the diameter of the hole without affecting the structural integrity of the harness.

    1. What a wonderful response, with loads of fabulous information. Thank you so much, Lily!

      For those looking, I think this is the one (there were two labelled ‘low-rise’, but only this one worked the way you described): La Strap On, Low Rise.

      I love the look of it.

      May I ask how you clean it, and if you have any issues with it deteriorating from cleaning?

      I actually also love the look of the other one labelled low-rise (and it doesn’t have that ‘leather hole being the limiting factor’ thing: KinkLab Low-Rise Leather Strap On. So many options!

      Ferns

  4. I have a really simple leather 2-strap harness that I got from Sh! I must say it’s very comfortable – the straps are soft and supple which helps it feel like it’s part of you. I haven’t tried a synthetic harness but I imagine they would be a bit less giving?

    I like the two straps as it leaves you open access to be stimulated / penetrated otherwise. Not really a practical consideration for the throes of action, I must say (that’s just *too* much multitasking for my brain to cope with!), but great for foreplay and ‘cock’sucking.

    Cleaning-wise, I haven’t had a problem with it, but it’s still relatively new, so perhaps that will change over time. I’ll probably be ready for a new, fancier one by then, anyway!

    1. Thanks so much, J.

      I assume you mean this one (looking up strap-on harnesses is fun!): Leather 2-Strap Harness.

      “I haven’t tried a synthetic harness but I imagine they would be a bit less giving?”

      I haven’t tried a leather one, but I would assume the same. With the ‘Bare as You Dare’, nylon + thin straps + tight /= great comfort.

      “I like the two straps as it leaves you open access to be stimulated / penetrated otherwise. Not really a practical consideration for the throes of action, I must say (that’s just *too* much multitasking for my brain to cope with!)”

      *laugh* I can relate!

      Ferns

    1. *laugh* Thank you for that!

      Very funny, though not hot… Well, you can’t have everything! And hey, *she* got vanquished… that just doesn’t seem right!

      Ferns

  5. “I’ve added another photo, people are distracted by the cock! Cock perves!”

    Hey, Ferns, thanks for posting pics of these huge cocks with harnesses attached! ;)

  6. I have the tantus beginner set. Do not like! We have moved beyond the beginner stage and I want a right and proper cock for the job. The beginner kit I got does not have the ability to size up the ring for bigger cockage *sad face* I do think it is comfortable and stable, but the whole too much between Me and him thing is a problem.

    I also have a feel-doe, ABSOLUTELY nothing between he and I, but the angle is wrong for female on male, although it does make for the perfect “whip it out and make them suck it”, under jeans or a skirt even. I have designated it the cock that will be sucked, still looking for a sizeable dong and harness, when finances allow *sad face* again.

    Anyway, happy pegging to all, and I am now very frustrated with My whole collection of dongs and what have you, as they all leave very much to be desired, and I DESIRE to FUCK SOME MAN ASSSS!!!

    love ya!
    (missed you there for a coupla days, I am a Domme Chronicles addict!)

    1. Great feedback, thank you for that!

      “The beginner kit I got does not have the ability to size up the ring for bigger cockage…”

      If it’s the same one, you can undo the clips and swap the O-ring out for a bigger one. I’m not a size queen, so I haven’t done it, but I had a look at the and it’s designed to allow it (unless you are talking monster-truck size… I can see that that might be a problem!).

      “…the whole too much between Me and him thing is a problem.”

      *nod* I agree. Though… (note that I have not tried this either, I am full of advice about things I haven’t done!), you could just take off the velvet patch thing. It might make it uncomfortable, but it’s worth a try.

      Mind you, a new harness is a much more fun prospect!!

      “I also have a feel-doe, ABSOLUTELY nothing between he and I, but the angle is wrong for female on male…”

      I SO love the idea of those strapless strap-ons, but as much as I like the idea, I know it wouldn’t work for me.

      “(missed you there for a coupla days, I am a Domme Chronicles addict!)”

      Oh thank you! I like to be missed!

      Ferns

  7. Go for leather all the way,that said it’s best (if you can afford it!) to have it custom made to fit,they are fairly easy to keep clean and maintain like the man said.

    Mmmmm leather

    Coug

    1. Thanks Coug.

      I guess there’s no point asking where you get yours custom-made since it’s not going to be useful to most people (unless you get them online? *hopeful look*).

      How do you care for it? (i.e. How do you clean it and what with? And what do you condition with? And do you condition it after every use?).

      Ferns

      1. Sadly they don’t have a web site.
        * shakes fist*
        I will yell at them ( kinda ;) ) but it’s Leather Delights. And as for treatment Satan pretty much nailed it although I also use good quality car leather interior soaps/waxes as well, Re too thick leather it can be a problem that’s why I have mine made

        Coug

  8. Males r born with a cock. It seems tho, that many want to hide the little one in a chastity device.

    Females r born without one. It seems tho, that many want an artificial one. (To fuck the ones in chastity perhaps?)

    I’ve called people of several work groups who r working on the DSM-V (to be released in 2013), and proposed to bring penis envy in as a femdom disorder.

  9. My sweetheart is a size queen and, when given a choice, he selected the Fun Factory Share XL Strapless Strap-on (in black) which turned out to be a little bit too much to handle – for me. So I bought the Spare Parts Joque harness (also in black) and I can tell you we use it all. the. time.
    It’s a bulky harness (lots of fabric in the front) so I wouldn’t want to wear it under tight jeans, but that wouldn’t work with the Share anyway. It’s a brilliant design, by the way (the Share); stimulation in all the right places. No problem coming. But it’s large (ladies’ end as well) so it takes a little lube and relaxation. That said, I never use anything else anymore. It’s a great combination.

    1. Thanks for the info Strickette!

      I’ve heard quite a few women say that they need to use some sort of harness with the strapless dildos.

      I am not quite sure how you use the Joque and the Share together though. The Joque doesn’t seem to have an appropriate hole through which to pass the other end of the Share. Does it have one that doesn’t show in the images?

      And since I am a link whore: Fun Factory Share.

      Ferns

        1. “Well actually, Ms. Link Whore, it’s this one”

          Eep! That one looks scary!!

          “The Joque does have a hole covered by fabric, curtain style…”

          Ahhh, I see… tricky. Thank you for that!

          Ferns

  10. I thought everyone knew how to clean leather harness. You use saddle soap.

    “When you use the saddle soap, have two soft flannel cloths on hand. Soak and wring out one until almost dry, dip it into the soap, and rub the leather with a firm circular motion. Rinse that cloth in warm water, wring out, and then use it to remove any excess lather. Use the second dry cloth to polish the leather to a soft lustre, and say goodbye to ugly-looking leather goods!”

    Those pictures in your post Ferns look beautiful. But those things they’re wearing I would not want those near my arse. That’s scary.

    http://www.4dobbin.com/p-Soft-Saddle-Soap-Gold-Label.html

    Satan

    1. Thanks Satan, however I think there is a difference between general leather care and cleanliness and those for strap-on harnesses.

      Good Vibes had this to say on leather cleaning of the toys they sell:

      Leather
      Leather products are difficult, if not impossible, to get 100% clean. Leather is porous and the stitching will limit how clean you can get it. You can use leather cleaner or even hot, soapy water, but it does tend to make leather stiff, so be sure to condition your leather toys after cleaning. If you’re planning on using a harness with more than one person, you may want to take a look at our machine-washable nylon harnesses.

      Still, perhaps saddle soap is the best option and is perfectly fine.

      Ferns

  11. there is in my personal opinion another problem with the leather ones. they are usually rather thick leather, and although i don’t own one, i tried one. if they don’t happen to EXACTLY suit your bodyshape, they start being incredibly uncomfortable and in the worst case rub you raw at the edges. i havent had one, with soft leather, though… might be worth a try.

    in the end i went for one from toy factory (mind you, i’m from europe, i have no idea where they ship to or not). i got the SHARE which is a strapless strap on (just saw it was mentioned above). the other version i know is the feel doe. a lot of people seem to be very happy with it. i didn’t like it at all as they are rather thick in the bend between the part that goes into you and the part that goes into him, so it gets heavy and i had a bit of a challenge for it not to slip out of me, while moving and possibly contracting some muscles ;). at least that is my experience and the experience of a friend of mine, who also tried both.

    What i personally love about the one from fun factory, the part you have inside is roughly kidney shaped (the feel doe is egg shaped) and in the right position it actually touches my g spot very well….. fun times :P and it stays in better as this shape bends slightly to the front (tummy side) when inserted. it worked rather well for me :)

    now, that got longer then expected, so i stop babbling now ;)

    m

    1. “i got the SHARE which is a strapless strap on (just saw it was mentioned above). the other version i know is the feel doe. a lot of people seem to be very happy with it. i didn’t like it at all”

      I think the fact that they are so expensive and the fact that either of them may or may not work for a particular person makes buying one a difficult decision.

      I’m really glad that you found one that worked for you, and thank you so much for all that fabulously detailed information, especially comparing the two. It’s really useful!

      Ferns

  12. My wife prefers the “Rodeoh” harness, which is kind of a revolution. It’s sort of like sturdier men’s tightey-whitey underwear.

    It’s easy to use, no straps, no interchangeable ring, but still pretty stable.

    We’re beginners.

    1. Oh oh!! I LOVED that when first saw it, but thought it might be too ‘loose/flexible’. Thank you so much for the information, I’m glad you are enjoying it.

      Boy pants… so damn cute-sexy!! Look look: Rodeoh

      Ferns

  13. I know there’s lots disparate reviews and opinions, but I’m in love with the Tantus Feeldoe. Love love love.

    It’s fantastic, under three conditions:

    1) You aren’t fucking him to hurt.
    2) You have adequate PC muscles.
    3) You’re a G-spot kind of girl.

    If you have adequate PC muscle strength, if you get off on G-spot stimulation, and you’re fucking to get yourself off… the Feeldoe is perfection in non-strap on strap ons. :)

    Didn’t love the “Bare as You Dare,” but it’s a good entry level (ha!) harness.

    1. Thanks for that, D. I think when they work, women *love* them!

      “Didn’t love the “Bare as You Dare,” but it’s a good entry level (ha!) harness.”

      *laugh* Boom-tish!

      Ferns

  14. Ferns-

    My first sub make me a strap-on (Leather) and it is like nothing offered through retail. I tried to convince him to make more and sell them, back in the day. The biggest difference is that he created a leather (this is really hard to describe) piece that lifts the cock upwards from down low….like a real cock (that begins under the skin, coming upwards). I can use my hips more, instead of my back.

    If I could attach photos, I would.

    I know this is not helpful.
    But…you can be jealous – cuz it is aweSOME!

    -MisterssKimm

    1. “But…you can be jealous – cuz it is aweSOME!”

      I AM jealous!!

      “If I could attach photos, I would.”

      Let me help you out… put a picture on your Fetlife profile and put a link here… We want pictures! PICTURES!!!

      Ferns

  15. lol…OK. I am game.

    Now – it is hearty leather and stiff – not something where you are as close as you would want to be, but the control more than makes up for it (in my opinion…Ive tried lots of them). It feels as if it is really a part of me when I am wearing it. And plenty of room to slip a vibe in there. (and I can come while fucking his fine ass, most of the time)

    here are some links:

    https://fetlife.com/users/49895/pictures/3677932

    https://fetlife.com/users/49895/pictures/8980956

    https://fetlife.com/users/49895/pictures/8980961

    https://fetlife.com/users/49895/pictures/8980966
    (this one shows the ‘wedge’ well – that sends the cock in the right natural direction, instead of straight out like most)

    https://fetlife.com/users/49895/pictures/8980974

    cheers!
    MK

    1. Thank you for sharing! Great pictures, and I see what you mean about the angling (no wonder you had trouble describing it). Great design!

      He was a talented man!

      Ferns

  16. oh…wth? I posted links and a nice little write up about pros and cons. *poof* gone. I do hate it when that happens.

    or do you have to approve posts with links first?
    Get up! ;)

    1. Oh!! I have no idea why, but no, no approval. If you hit ‘Reply’ at the bottom of the ‘comment preview’ box instead of ‘Post Comment at the top of it, it will go *poof*.

      Please try again… pleeeaeaaassseee!!!

      Ferns

  17. Concerning care of leather, there are different types in the sense that it can come from different animals (though most commonly cows) and can be finished (a.k.a. tanned) in different ways.

    In any case, before the tanning, the leather is very porous. The tanning process impregnates the leather with dyes, oils, and/or waxes. Not only does this provide color and conditioning, but, for most types of tanning it leaves the leather not as porous as before. This is good because it leaves the leather supple and less likely to stain. Obviously smooth leather is easier to clean and maintain compared to suede.

    Over time, the oils and waxes can dry or be removed (at least at the surface) with washing (hint: don’t leave it in a hot or sunny place too long). Dry leather can absorb various fluids (think: lubes, bodily fluids, candle wax, etc.) that don’t help it maintain its original qualities – not to mention harboring yucky stuff that might grow!). So, best to prevent this by keeping it clean from the very beginning and not letting it dry out. Stitching and other nooks and crannies make it difficult to clean. Various treatments and conditioners are fine as long as the leather hasn’t gotten “too far gone”. Think of it as keeping the leather “filled” with the original tanning fluids and your own conditioner in order to prevent it from drying and wanting soaking up those other fluids.

    Some folks around this blog like shoes, so, i’m sure they have learned some leather care over time ;-)

    1. It has been pointed out to me that some might like a short and simple plan for taking care of their leather. So, here is my attempt:

      Wipe off excess goo with a paper towel, dunk a toothbrush in a small bowl of soapy water and scrub where needed, dry with a towel, and, condition as needed. One will learn over time how frequently to condition and how much to use as eventually they rub off as much of the conditioner as they rub on.

    2. *laugh* Thank you subbie_333.

      And when he says “It has been pointed out to me”, he means that I harrassed him mercilessly for a set of easy-to-follow instructions. Speaking of which, he didn’t balk at the suggestion from me of using 99.9% anti-bacterial handwash for the scrubbing if you want.

      I’d note for reference that subbie_333 makes kinky leather goods, so has some specialist knowledge (though he would cringe if I called him an ‘expert’).

      Yes yes, I’m talking about you as if you aren’t even here!!

      Thank you again *smile*.

      Ferns

  18. I have the aslan jaguar, and I love it. For me it works especially well with the tantus buzz. The jaguar sits low enough on my hips that I can get the bullet vibe in the base of the buzz to hit my clit really nicely.

    And because it’s vaguely related, I really love this comic. As much as I enjoy strapping it on, I have to admit strap-ons are kind of funny.

  19. Very insightful review of harnesses and strap ons. I’m curious, have you tried the ones that are interchangeable? They’re becoming hugely popular, as one harness can quickly be used with many different attachments. I agree with ferns that a leather harness CANNOT be comfortable… Thanks for doing some of the trial and error for the rest of us!

    1. I’m glad you found it useful.

      By ‘interchangeable ones’, do you mean the vac-u-lock ones? Because most harnesses will work with many flared-base dildos, so they are ALL ‘interchangeable’.

      I’m not keen on the vac-u-lock only because you can only buy dildos from THEM to use once you have the harness. I have no opinion on what they are actually like though.

      “I agree with ferns that a leather harness CANNOT be comfortable”

      You misunderstood since I didn’t say that. I’d add that since writing this post, I did try on an Aslan harness, and it was pretty soft leather, and quite comfortable. Reports from others who own them indicate that they are lovely to wear.

      Ferns

  20. This excellent website really has all the information and facts
    I needed concerning this subject and didn’t know who to ask.

  21. The SpareParts Joque was my first harness. I wasn’t wild about it–I didn’t feel that I got enough control with it and the waistband and thigh straps were uncomfortable for me. I had better luck with the Aslan Minx, which has a corseted back, and lots of capacity for adjustment. Also I like the snap in O ring because it lets me change out cocks. Yep, leather is porous, and I’m not too sure about sanitizing it. I do clean it, using Lexol soap, which works well. Luckily I don’t peg too many people with my harness ;)

    1. Thanks for such wonderful input, it’s really useful to get different perspectives.

      I love the look of the Minx with that corset-back.

      I ended up buying the SpareParts Joque, but haven’t given it a test run yet (I don’t think wearing it around the house yelling ‘wheeee!’ counts somehow… *smile*).

      Ferns

      1. Hi!
        great infos. I found it when I was searching for what harness to wear for Share toy factory. the best toy ever, but it does not stay in my girls pussy. I think I’ll buy Aslan… does anybody know some better idea?
        thank a lot!

        sky

        1. The Aslan harnesses have some really great feedback. I think you will be really happy with one, though if your partner can go and try one on somewhere, that would be the best idea.

          Good luck!

          Ferns

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