Toy inventory

When I wrote about strap-on harnesses (yeah, like anyone forgot, cock perves!), I took out my toybox (which I *wish* was a fabulous old trunk that sat mysteriously at the end of my bed all sexy-like, but is actually a Samsonite lockable suitcase in bright orange that I hide under the bed) so that I could check the construction of one of my harnesses to answer a commenter’s post.

The suitcase has since been sitting in the middle of my bedroom floor because I am lazy, and I have managed to smash both my big and little toes into it while stumbling around in the dark, having completely forgotten it was there… twice.

Given the trauma and pain, the only way to make the experience worthwhile is to use the opportunity to do a toy inventory, because my poor memory means that I have no idea what is gathering dust in there (okay, in a locked suitcase it doesn’t really gather dust, but metaphorically, those toys are like dusty old bones that some archaeologist found on a dig in central Siberia…).

So here it is in random order (yes, yes I could order it in some orderly fashion like an order obsessed control freak, but I’m not, so I didn’t, okay?! Though I might. Later. If it bugs me enough. It’s bugging me already. If it’s in some sort of order by the time you read this, I gave in to this impulse to make order out of chaos, but I tried to resist… I did…!):

Njoy steel pure wand (possibly the most beautiful (and heavy!) sex toy EVER)
Lelo Ella
Don Wand glass dildo with shimmery helix (oh god, so pretty!)
Don Wand glass helix dildo with handle
Don Wand blue bubble glass dildo
Tantus strap-on harness
Sportsheets Bare as You Dare strap-on harness
Doc Johnson black butt plugs (one small, one medium)
Practice golf balls (don’t judge me!)
The Swatter electronic insect terminator
Latex-free disposable gloves
Blindfolds (many: cheap airline issue to expensive mask-type)
Box of 100 21g needles
Various one-pack 21g, 25g needles
Syringes
Cannula
Sterile swabs
Ping pong paddles (you know, just in case we want a quick game!)
Really scary huge all-in-one vibrating harness/strap-on bought on the recommendation of a reader (who never mentioned how frigging huge this thing is!)
Cute little pink butt plug (should have a pig’s tail on it!)
Tantus ripple (small) in gold
Crystal-looking ball gag
Small 5′ vibrator in purple
Tube of Deep Heat
Wartenberg wheel
Clover clamps
Tantus dildo, medium in purple
Cuffs, leather, for wrist and ankle
Collars, leather and nylon
Leashes, metal and nylon
Clips
Condoms
Lube

While I am here… also hanging up behind my bedroom door:

Bullwhip
Carpet beater
Leather flogger

A small bread board
Crop
White nylon rope flogger
Olive nylon rope flogger
Large round shoelace flogger (not this one, but close enough)
Studded leather strap (not really like this, but while I’m a link whore, I am also lazy so this will have to do)
Barbed wire and suede flogger in tan
Very light suede flogger in red
Evil carbon fibre thin mean smacky caney thing
Small and most evil plastic flogger with nodules along the tails (okay, I am giving up on finding pictures of these things now and I am too lazy to make my own pictures…)
3 rattan canes of different widths and flex
Heavier suede flogger
Small sharp stingy flogger
Short length hemp rope
Various lengths and sizes of nylon rope

Phew!

Tired now. Nap time.

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33 Comments

  1. How are you going to take a nap with all those toys laying there? I feel like that would be distracting. Ah, well, I’m sure you’ll think of some way to get to sleep.

    p.s. I have a cool old steamer trunk like the one you mentioned. I’m not using it at the moment, if you wanted to swing by…

    1. “How are you going to take a nap with all those toys laying there?”

      I put them away immediately after inventorising… Well, except for a couple that looked… interesting.

      “I have a cool old steamer trunk like the one you mentioned. I’m not using it at the moment, if you wanted to swing by…”

      Tease! Surely you will need it for your own collection?

      Ferns

        1. It’s just one of those things one knows. People think guys owning sex toys is weird and creepy.

          though, that doesn’t mean I don’t have a few pervertables lying around

  2. Ohhh you have an Njoy! I am so jealous!

    Loving your description of the Evil carbon fibre thin mean smacky caney thing. I cackled.

    I have about as much smacky stuff, but I really need more toys for ass play. *sad face* I would LOVE to get both My boys an Njoy, but they don’t effing deserve it!

    Recalcitrant bitches!

    M. FV

    1. “Ohhh you have an Njoy! I am so jealous!”

      It is beautiful AND functional (my favourite combination!): a gift from the lovely boy.

      “I would LOVE to get both My boys an Njoy, but they don’t effing deserve it! Recalcitrant bitches!”

      Maybe you should get them the evil carbon fibre thin mean smacky caney thing!! *laugh*

      Ferns

      1. Of course the answer *is* obvious, you play golf with them! They’re the only golf balls I’m allowed to use in the neighborhood due to denting a truck as a child.

        Seriously though, ball gags?

    1. *laugh* Maybe you have a list fetish! I do like a good list…

      “What got me was the barbed wire flogger. Ouch!”

      Pssttt… It’s not *real* barbed wire (oops, did I just hear the disappointed sigh of a million masochists?).

      Ferns

      1. “Maybe you have a list fetish!”

        Well, I do NOW!

        Yeah, I figured it wasn’t real barbed wire but it still looks pretty intimidating.

        1. “Well, I do NOW!”

          *laugh* Excellent. Soon it will all be about the lists and the graphs… porn will never be the same…

          “Yeah, I figured it wasn’t real barbed wire but it still looks pretty intimidating.”

          Well, it is new, and as yet unused, so I don’t have any subject feedback on it. Self test: the suede is soft and the barbed wire falls create a sharp sting… definitely ‘present’. I imagine it will produce quite the sensation with a bit of force behind it. Yummy!

          Ferns

    1. “You keep your toys in a suitcase, too?! That had me smile.”

      I do! I like that it’s lockable and fits under the bed.

      It’s annoying if I actually want to *use* the suitcase though (unless all I am taking is my toys, then it’s ace! That hardly ever happens…).

      Ferns

  3. I need to get myself a bed that has room underneath it for a suitcase xD And, for that matter, a lockable suitcase… Oh, and half those toys. If I wrote a similar list, it would be this:

    Handcuffs
    A pervertable’d sleep mask off an airline.

    Trip to Soho in T-16 days…

  4. Wow..Brt Customs are going love that Samsonite Bag..You might even make one of those Border Protection” shows! LOL!

    Or better still start instructing e to start stocking up on local supplies?

    xxx b!!

    1. “Or better still start instructing e to start stocking up on local supplies?”

      We have a visit to a sex shop planned (assuming there is chemistry and connection and all that of course… otherwise that would just be awkward… heh…).

      Ferns

        1. *laugh* I was actually aiming for something educational and, you know, useful.

          Otherwise, I would have gone straight to there! Or I might have pointed to this one. Hard to say…

          Ferns

        2. That’s because you are an active and self motivated learner. Your enthusiasm for self… um… education is laudable.

          *smirk*

          Ferns

  5. Ok. I’ll admit its an impressive list, though I’d have to stretch myself some to let someone do more than small amount of needle play and I don’t know why you need ALL those buttplugs when just one or two would seem to do the trick, lol. Plus you are obviously sweet but stern what with all that stuff hanging up on your wall and all. *shivers in a good way*
    But…
    But…
    That doesn’t answer the the REAL QUESTION I am dying to know the answer to.

    What kind of kitchen utensils do you have? :P

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