Tenderness

It is less than two weeks before I will get on the plane to see e.

Someone asked me if I am getting excited yet.

No, not yet.

I hate to wait, and excitement too early means nearly two weeks of waiting, and did I mention that I hate to wait. I hate it. Premature excitement would be frustrating and exhausting. I am preoccupied with practical things… travel insurance, digging out warm clothes, doing ‘pre trip’ organisation.

Though I am not letting excitement peak, I am letting emotions swim about unhindered, they float and compete with each other, shoving and pushing from one side to the other, and I peek in at them from time to time to check what they are telling me, pulling that one into line, loosening the other one a little. They are sharp and spiky and sometimes demand attention.

I plucked one out of the mire the other morning, it was new and persistent, fluttering at my stomach gently like a tiny butterfly. When I isolated it, all pretty and soft, it sat in the palm of my hand, big eyes blinking at me, squinting in the light, a smug half-smile on its tiny face.

Tenderness.

I looked at it for a long time to be sure. It puffed up to show me just how big it could get, I rolled my eyes at it in a ‘yeah, I know’ response that didn’t fool it into silence. It danced on my palm, happy to be there, confident it would be fed and that I would be lost. I wasn’t sure I wanted to see it just yet. I willed it away… just wait for a couple of weeks… I know I know, we hate to wait.

It spun about, showing off, and I let it have it’s way. Wave after wave of tenderness so strong it hurt my heart a little. When I had let it have its freedom for long enough, I told it to shut up and I swear it smirked, and finally curled itself compliantly into a little ball and stopped fluttering at me. I put it safely away.

Not yet. Not yet. Just wait, and we will see.

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14 Comments

  1. A very sweet post… One of your best ever. You drew an absolutely lovely word picture there. I think I’m gonna read it again!

  2. Hi Ferns:

    That was some of the most beautiful writing I have ever read on a D/s blog! Truly exquisite! You have such a wonderful way with words.

    Sometimes people forget how important tenderness is to BDSM. For me it has always been a crucial ingredient. Without tenderness the cruelty inherent in SM is rendered meaningless. At least for me.

    Thanks for sharing Ferns. That was really really lovely to read! :-)

    1. “That was some of the most beautiful writing I have ever read on a D/s blog! Truly exquisite!”

      What a totally lovely compliment, thank you hmp!

      “Sometimes people forget how important tenderness is to BDSM. For me it has always been a crucial ingredient.”

      For me too.

      I think it’s not ‘out there’ as much as other stuff because it’s simply not as interesting or compelling to talk about as the s/m play which gets all the air time.

      I think we need to hear more about the depth and breadth of different types of F/m relationships (heh… no surprise that I would say that, I guess…).

      Ferns

  3. Utterly true…tenderness is completely crucial in My world as well.

    I love that ache, My eyes stung when you mentioned it.

    You know exactly how to put your reader in the room with you, in your mind with you. I am completely hooked, I get disappointed when there is no new Ferns wisdom to let Me know that I am not the only one with that view of the world.

  4. hmmm… having been referred by Tom via Thumper, I thought, “Am I in the right place?”

    Beautiful, beautiful piece. I’m hoping the days pass as swiftly as you would like in pursuit of your e.

    ~A

    1. Tom? Thumper? Those two lovely boys would NEVER lead you astray!

      “Beautiful, beautiful piece. I’m hoping the days pass as swiftly as you would like in pursuit of your e.”

      *smile* Thank you so much… only a week and a bit to go now! Squeeee!!

      Ferns

  5. I was also all set to comment on the beauty in this writing, and then I found this in the comments:

    “my writing is a slut for the re-reading.”

    Man, why didn’t I write that? I want that.

    I have a question which you’re under no obligaton to answer, obviously. But does “e” read these?

    1. “Man, why didn’t I write that? I want that.”

      Best. Compliment. Ever!! *laugh*

      “…does “e” read these?”

      Yes, he does. I have warned him that at some point I may forbid him from reading, but for the moment, he does.

      This is new for me: writing about something that is developing and knowing that the boy reads it. My previous writing was about relationships that were already established, so figuring out how to navigate it is an interesting challenge.

      Ferns

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