Flitting

Three days to go before I get on the plane to go and see e!

My mind is all over the place, full of things to do, with a background niggle of things I probably should be doing but haven’t thought of yet, and random bursts of light and comets.  It is like there are quickfire atoms in there that are all racing around at lightning speed, smashing off the walls and into each other, and I seem to be unable to grasp any of them firmly enough to wrestle them to the ground to get a proper handle on them.

I have a to-do list: I often have those because my memory is appalling, and plus, it makes me feel smug to cross things off it.  I am doing okay with it. It includes really mundane chores that just have to be done before I am away for three weeks. Hellishly dull things like doing tax and paying bills. It also includes randomly odd things that I write down and then later don’t understand what they are, like “tabletop”. Also some fun things like “toy check” (see inventory*smug look*).

In the meantime, my brain is also flitting all over the place with random thoughts about the trip and about e. I am trying to control them for the moment because they are distracting and unproductive. I’m spitting some of them out here, just to get them out of my head.

 

  • We have had what is, to all accounts, a slightly unusual lead up to this meeting given there is travel and cost involved in it. There is obviously a significant investment in the potential of the relationship from both sides, but we are not talking on the phone every day, we do not play remotely, we don’t use IM much. We exchange several emails per day and have periods of quickfire emails *bam bam bam*. When we get on voice (not on a regular schedule), we tend to talk for several hours with topics ranging over anything and everything. But it feels like we are in a kind of ‘holding pattern’ until we meet, each of us not wanting to invest too much, while also being optimistic about it. Normally, I don’t feel that holding-pattern-waiting feeling so much. It is an odd thing, frustrating, and I think, for the first time, I am feeling what some submissive men must feel with me when I refuse to meet them as early as they would like.


  • I find all of my submissives online, so I am used to developing these relationships through remote mediums to a certain point before I set up a meeting. I am not one of those who rushes into meeting because I’m really not at all interested in having coffee and chit chat with random men with whom I may have nothing in common. I always take some time to figure out if there is real potential before I will set up a meeting, and I only meet those who I seriously think could be something special. This time, with e, all that is true, but it feels a little different. I can’t quite figure out why that is, but the ‘holding pattern’ thing is part of it. I think, maybe, that I am still very aware that distance became the killer with my last relationship. This time, we have discussed a long term plan (vaguely, but with the agreement that relocation to be together is possible if it’s warranted), but I think my caution from that experience is palpable.


  • I intend to have e naked within the first hour of meeting, *before* we have a chance to learn how incompatible we really are. I WILL have beautiful naked man. He knows this. I suspect he thinks I might be kidding. I’m not.


  • I think we will clash, I am not sure how or when, but we are both strong minded, outspoken individuals, and we have already had some misunderstandings and the ensuing ‘discussions’.  We have proven that we can resolve issues well, which is great, and I am looking forward to seeing how it goes in person. I can picture it going extremely well, or extremely poorly. Obviously I expect and hope for the former, but I WILL have beautiful naked man before I discover that it’s the latter.

 

  • If there’s no chemistry, I will be bummed that I will have three weeks in his city, which is not somewhere I have ever been interested in visiting.  I can go elsewhere *from* there, but obviously that involves additional expense that I have not planned for.


  • I should really have a backup plan for the above, but that smacks of jinxing it, so I’m not doing it.


  • Bonobo-monkey-sex first date… that is still amusing me greatly, I can’t wait.


  • This is the first time I have met a potential partner since starting this blog (when I started it, I was already in a relationship), and e will be the first man I have met *because* of this blog.  I think there is this assumption that I get propositioned (I mean seriously propositioned, vs getting random wanker emails) constantly and all the time because I have this internet presence.  I don’t (why don’t I?!  What’s wrong with me?!!  Waaaahhhh!!!111).  I vaguely wonder how my blog will influence his perception of me.  My last boy, who I also met online, said that when he met me, I was exactly as I seemed remotely. That was lovely to me: you know how we present, or think we present, is often mismatched with how others see us <insert psychobabble here>, so knowing that I don’t misrepresent myself (even unintentionally) makes me happy. Having said that, e has already opined that I seem different in voice than in my writing (I have not asked ‘how’ exactly, though another friend offered ‘more bubbly!’, at which I scoffed), so I wonder how the transition to ‘in-person’ will go because now there is so *much* of me out here on the interwebs as input to perception.


  • I refuse to get excited about it until Thursday.  On Thursday, I will be bouncing off walls and running around squealing and smacking into doors with excitement.  But not yet.

 

My brain has about a billion more thoughts racing around in there, completely useless and distracting, but for now, I am looking at my to-do list and am determined to cross at least another couple of things off it today.  “Tabletop”… what the hell does that even mean?!

 

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18 Comments

  1. I think “Tabletop” means e should be strapped to a tabletop when you first lay eyes on him.

    This is me trying to help and all!

    A glimpse into my first meeting with the beast… We had known each other online for just over a year when we first met ‘live.’ We had agreed that the easiest transition for the both of us would be for me to collect him, bound on a hotel bed near the airport. This is quite insane, I do realize that… but, he’s generally shy when meeting women initially and I don’t do well with chit chat. We had talked endlessly and there was no need for conversation. Our meeting went very well because of this… I think planning the bonobo-monkey-sex first date is a fabulous idea, given the dynamic. At the very least you’ve gotten a great time with a hot guy…

    Plan for a nice vacation… the rest is just stress and can alter potential chemistry. Three weeks… wow… this means we all have to wait this long to hear how it goes? And just typing this I realize the implied pressure… how many will be waiting with baited breath to hear? Well… I’m content to know the story will entail some bonobo-monkey-sex. I find it incredibly brave that you share these things with the rest of us. Thank you for that!

    Safe and joyous travels to you!

    1. “I think “Tabletop” means e should be strapped to a tabletop when you first lay eyes on him.”

      *laugh* I think I would have remembered that!!

      “A glimpse into my first meeting with the beast…”

      That’s a really great story – thank you so much for sharing it (it will be part of the happy femdom story, wont’ it?! Heh)!

      “I think planning the bonobo-monkey-sex first date is a fabulous idea, given the dynamic. At the very least you’ve gotten a great time with a hot guy…”

      *laugh* You know I meant the bonobo-monkey-sex lecture at the museum, right? And not *actual* bonobo-monkey-sex… (you sooo didn’t! Now it’s not quite as interesting is it?! But it did make me laugh rather a lot!).

      “Three weeks… wow… this means we all have to wait this long to hear how it goes?”

      No, you won’t have to wait that long. Three weeks without a blog post is unfathomable!! I will still be connected to the world, even if it’s just twitter due to… um… other distractions.

      Unless e is a serial killer, then, well, maybe not.

      “I find it incredibly brave that you share these things with the rest of us. Thank you for that!”

      I don’t know that it’s all that brave, but I do like that you think so! And thank you for the good wishes!

      Ferns

      1. awwwws I did forget about the lecture. My brain is fried lately and not for recreational purposes. Yes, that’s a bit of a let down… there’s still the table top! Perhaps the lecture will be inspiring…

      1. Here THE D&D quote/story

        The Tale of Eric and the Dread Gazebo
        by Richard Aronson [aronson@sierratel.com]

        In the early seventies, Ed Whitchurch ran “his game”, and one of the participants was Eric Sorenson. Eric plays something like a computer. When he games, he methodically considers each possibility before choosing his preferred option. If given time, he will invariably pick the optimal solution. It has been known to take weeks. He is otherwise, in all respects, a superior gamer. Eric was playing a Neutral Paladin in Ed’s game. He was on some lord’s lands when the following exchange occurred:

        ED: You see a well groomed garden. In the middle, on a small hill, you see a gazebo.
        ERIC: A gazebo? What color is it?

        ED: [pause] It’s white, Eric.
        ERIC: How far away is it?

        ED: About 50 yards.
        ERIC: How big is it?

        ED: [pause] It’s about 30 ft across, 15 ft high, with a pointed top.
        ERIC: I use my sword to detect good on it.

        ED: It’s not good, Eric. It’s a gazebo.
        ERIC: [pause] I call out to it.

        ED: It won’t answer. It’s a gazebo.
        ERIC: [pause] I sheathe my sword and draw my bow and arrows. Does it respond in any way?

        ED: No, Eric, it’s a gazebo!
        ERIC: I shoot it with my bow. [roll to hit] What happened?

        ED: There is now a gazebo with an arrow sticking out of it.
        ERIC: [pause] Wasn’t it wounded?

        ED: OF COURSE NOT, ERIC! IT’S A GAZEBO!
        ERIC: [whimper] But that was a +3 arrow!

        ED: It’s a gazebo, Eric, a GAZEBO! If you really want to try to destroy it, you could try to chop it with an axe, I suppose, or you could try to burn it, but I don’t know why anybody would even try. It’s a @#$%!! gazebo!
        ERIC: [long pause. He has no axe or fire spells.] I run away.

        ED: [thoroughly frustrated] It’s too late. You’ve awakened the gazebo. It catches you and eats you.
        ERIC: [reaching for his dice] Maybe I’ll roll up a fire-using mage so I can avenge my Paladin.

        You’re welcome

        Coug

        P.S. SUPAH excited for you!

        1. *bows down to the uber geek*

          Nicely done!

          “SUPAH excited for you!”

          Thank you! I’m holding off for another 15 minutes on the excitement, then it will be Thursday and all bets are off… *bounce bounce*

          Ferns

  2. sending you good vibes from Germany. This might be one if the rare moments when I am more experienced than you are :-)

    I flew all the way from Germany to the other end of the world, only to meet a man in person who had contacted me through the internet. And: It turned out to be the man was well worth it. We had a fantastic time together and the sex/kink was not bad either :-)

    So, Ferns, I am sure your time with e will be a good time. I can feel it in my german gut.

    1. “sending you good vibes from Germany. This might be one if the rare moments when I am more experienced than you are”

      Thank you for the good vibes, and I hate to disappoint you with the experience thing, but my last two submissives were also remote: I just never had the blog then to share every trivial thought about it as it unfolded…

      “It turned out to be the man was well worth it. We had a fantastic time together and the sex/kink was not bad either”

      I’m so glad it worked out for you!

      I think we are similar in this, though: I haven’t met one remote boy yet where there wasn’t something worthwhile there, but I have also not had one yet that lasted long term…

      “So, Ferns, I am sure your time with e will be a good time. I can feel it in my german gut.”

      *laugh* A German gut can’t be wrong! Thank you!

      Ferns

  3. I’m really excited for you Ferns.

    If you’ll excuse my selfishness, are you thinking of keeping us all updated while you’re away? Because of course, it’s all about us, right? ;)

    I don’t think I’ll be able to wait three weeks to find out how it went.

    1. “…are you thinking of keeping us all updated while you’re away?”

      Yes! I will be at least updating twitter if I can’t manage to string a proper post together (that’s unlikely, I am full of the words, even if they come out all mangled and nonsensical).

      “Because of course, it’s all about us, right?”

      Of course it is!

      “I don’t think I’ll be able to wait three weeks to find out how it went.”

      Me either!!

      Ferns

  4. I’m so curious!
    And I also think it’s brave of you to take the risk of flying out there when the last two long-distance relationships didn’t work out. How far is it anyway? I’ve had several relationships over quite a distance (one included a 12h train ride – ugh) and I vowed to myself to never again get involved with someone over 3h away (by train, I really can’t afford flying). So: wow.
    I think it’s good that you both can imagine relocating. So at least it won’t end the way your last relationship did. *sniffles at the thought*

    1. “And I also think it’s brave of you to take the risk of flying out there when the last two long-distance relationships didn’t work out.”

      Yes, I’m not sure if it’s optimism or delusion!

      “How far is it anyway?”

      About 12,000 kms (7,500 miles).

      “I’ve had several relationships over quite a distance (one included a 12h train ride – ugh) and I vowed to myself to never again get involved with someone over 3h away”

      Yes, this makes perfect sense. I have a post brewing about how dumb LDRs are and how apparently *some* people never learn *laugh*.

      “I think it’s good that you both can imagine relocating.”

      Yes, this is a new and sensible addition to my criteria.

      “So at least it won’t end the way your last relationship did. *sniffles at the thought*”

      *smile* Yes, avoiding a repeat of that would be ace.

      Ferns

  5. You had better have fun and be safe at least or I’m gonna take you over my knees and spank your caboose YOUNG LADY! (and you know I’m older than you so I can say that)

    Hugs,
    Clarence the Stern and Concerned

    1. “…and you know I’m older than you so I can say that”

      Are you (and no, I didn’t know that)?

      Regardless, you can have whatever wild fantasies you like, and you can even say them out loud. Bless your little heart…

      Ferns

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