Responding to emails – the other side

We hear submissive men say fairly frequently that dominant women do not respond to their emails, or ‘disappear’ after a few back and forths (I put ‘disappear’ in quotes because all it really means is that they stopped responding).

I just want to point out, for the record, that quite often submissive men do not respond to emails that I send them either, or sometimes they simply stop replying when we have some sort of dialogue going on.

I’m not saying that to complain, I’m simply stating it as a fact.

I don’t have some magic wand that compels someone to reply to me, or to keep corresponding with me. They don’t need to have, or give, a reason. If they don’t want to, they don’t have to. It’s their prerogative, just as it’s mine to do the same.

When I send out a random email (usually a compliment of some sort, or a private response to a forum post), I don’t expect a reply, and sometimes, I don’t get one. And when we are having an ongoing conversation, and maybe I have asked some questions in my last, sometimes I never get a reply back.

I will clarify that it hasn’t happened when there has been a clear progression towards a relationship (that is, a ‘serious’ discussion), that’s a completely different scenario. But certainly it happens when I cold call or when I have a casual dialogue going. It’s no biggie, and it would make me bristle if they were to send me a note to say “Thanks, but I’m not interested”.  I’d want to respond with “It’s a random email correspondence, guy, you ain’t all that!”

I don’t consider cessation of correspondence rude, or an insult, though I might sometimes be baffled if we seem to be getting along well enough. But really, they don’t need a reason and they certainly don’t need to explain it to me. No harm, no foul.

Just sayin’.

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15 Comments

  1. “It’s no biggie, and it would make me bristle if they were to send me a note to say “Thanks, but I’m not interested”.

    I actually was chatting to a submissive man from Second Life once. He spoke to me and we talked for 30 minutes, and it was my first time meeting him. Oddly, the next day when I went to talk to him he told me he wasn’t interested. Which was weird…because in my mind I was having a normal conversation. He even told me that he “Hoped I found someone”. Strange much.

    I think if more submissive men approach a dominant woman with the intent of making a friend and not with intention of starting a relationship of some sort that a relationship might form more naturally.

    Lady D

    1. Lady D: “Oddly, the next day when I went to talk to him he told me he wasn’t interested. Which was weird…because in my mind I was having a normal conversation.”

      Yes! I’s the strange assumption that ‘a conversation is not just a conversation’ plus the ego thing of thinking he is so irresistable that you *must* want him so he has to ‘turn you down’. Wha?! *bristle*

      I hate it even more because there’s no quick response to it that doesn’t make me feel like a petulant child, even if it’s true, “I never even liked you that way, so there!” *laugh*

      On the other hand (oh dear, ungodly long comment), I see men who *want* to be told that I am not interested when we are just having a conversation, which I find equally weird. If he approaches me with ‘How ’bout it?’, fine, I can go ‘No, not interested’.

      If we are just having a conversation, though, to me it’s like chatting with someone at a party, all casual like, and doing that is akin to suddenly saying ‘I’m not interested’ and walking away, which is beyond odd.

      “I think if more submissive men approach a dominant woman with the intent of making a friend and not with intention of starting a relationship of some sort that a relationship might form more naturally.”

      Touche!!! A hundred times this. I have found all of my submissives and some really good friends exactly like this, because that’s how social interactions work out in the world… Funny that.

      Ferns

      1. “I hate it even more because there’s no quick response to it that doesn’t make me feel like a petulant child, even if it’s true, “I never even liked you that way, so there!” *laugh*”

        Definitely. It was pretty awkward. I did find a way to explain that I wasn’t interested to begin with by being very light-hearted about it. But the most I could say was that I was sure I’d find someone. *grimace*

        I feel like sometimes the internet makes some people forget everything they ever learned about human interaction.

        “I see men who *want* to be told that I am not interested when we are just having a conversation, which I find equally weird”

        Kink for random rejection from random women?

        “Touche!!! A hundred times this. I have found all of my submissives and some really good friends exactly like this, because that’s how social interactions work out in the world… Funny that.”

        I think part of the cause of the mindset could be because they’re so eager to find the “Dominant of their dreams” that they look at *every* female Dominant as a potential mate. I also think this approach causes them to miss out on some great friends and women because they’re so focused on their “ideal”. The second they decide they don’t like her from a romantic standpoint, they split. Maybe the woman they just talked to isn’t even close to their ideal, but maybe she’s still a heck of a lot of fun!

        Friendship between men and women has become underrated these days.

      2. “I also think this approach causes them to miss out on some great friends and women because they’re so focused on their “ideal”.”

        And plus, women talk, I’m always happy to point women to fabulous submissive men that I know.

        An aside is that men talk also. A submissive man was wanting a little chit chat with me recently, and lo and behold, a submale friend of mine had reason to point out some really rude and abusive behaviour that he had displayed towards my friend.

        Yeah, buh bye now.

        Ferns

  2. Ferns, I don’t bother to talk bad about anyone. I’d rather just say this. You are kind. Do you know how attractive that is?

    Satan

    1. Satan: “I’d rather just say this. You are kind. Do you know how attractive that is?”

      Thank you Satan, it is sweet to have the prince of darkness think I am kind. You have a special place in hell for kind people don’t you? Maybe with air conditioning?

      Ferns

  3. Lady D, there are mean men and mean women who don’t care much how others feel. There are even folks who want partners like that.

    It’s a funny old world, don’t you think?

    Satan

      1. Lady D said: “Hilarious”

        Yes that’s one way to say it.

        “The world should get it’s own show.”

        Well I do enjoy a nice pantomime myself.

        Neither A nor B cares much how the other feels. It’s pure evil. I love that part. That part is hilarious.

        But then don’t forget the battle with evil. True love must always win. How else would you get to your happy ever after?

        Jack and the Beanstalk is my favourite.

        Satan

  4. “Friendship between men and women has become underrated these days.”

    This times infinity.

    But perhaps it’s not all that easy for some guys just starting out. I mean they’re seeking this person with whom they hope to be fully vulnerable. And a friend is not that. Not to mention they’re probably skittish or whatever, so they move on.

    Now I’m not advocating abandoning female friendships for this pursuit (in my world that’s simply ridiculous), but I can see how a submissive male might find the prospects of anything that than what he seeks as -EV.

    It’s too bad though. ‘Cause they’re missing out.

    1. “But perhaps it’s not all that easy for some guys just starting out. I mean they’re seeking this person with whom they hope to be fully vulnerable. And a friend is not that. Not to mention they’re probably skittish or whatever, so they move on.”

      Or maybe they can’t be vulnerable, because they don’t know how to be. Or they’re too scared. So they don’t move on. They flirt, they have friends, but nothing ever moves.

      1. “Or maybe they can’t be vulnerable, because they don’t know how to be. Or they’re too scared. So they don’t move on. They flirt, they have friends, but nothing ever moves.”

        Top five thing saddest thing I’ve read today.

    2. “But perhaps it’s not all that easy for some guys just starting out. I mean they’re seeking this person with whom they hope to be fully vulnerable. And a friend is not that.”

      I actually find that perfectly reasonable. I think I’m much the same.

      I don’t collect friends. I have a very small circle of close friends, and, like anyone, I have a (still small) wider circle of casual friends. If I am interested in finding a partner, then a new friend is not where my energy is going. Most random chats will not turn into friendships *and that’s okay*.

      Just move on quietly. I have no problem with it.

      Ferns

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