Hold my hand

I am planning the visit to see e. The accommodation is booked, a sweet apartment not far from him. I am looking at flights, and I am freaking out. I am going ahead, but I am freaking out.

I send him an email.

I do worry that we will not have things to talk about, despite having things to talk about so far, we have not talked about much of things. I would like for our emails to cover other topics (you know, other than the whole sex thing I have going on, which I am enjoying immensely), but I am not used to having to grope around for them. They normally just come up, ebb and flow, and we are not naturally doing that so much. It concerns me a little.

He is surprised:

You can’t be concerned about that; that’s my concern! How could you be adopting my concern?

He immediately wants to get on voice and talk about it. We do.

I explain that on the one hand, I am cool and calm. I mean, it’s only money, and the worst outcome is that there is no physical chemistry, and we are bored with each other. It’s not the end of the world. I will have a holiday somewhere new, and we will each go our separate ways. On the other hand, the freaking-out little voice is squealing, “What the fuck are you doing?!! Are you CRAZY?!!! FFS!!!”

He laughs and notes that the freaking-out voice is much higher pitched. I know it: that’s what freaking out sounds like!

I ask him if he’s freaking out. He isn’t, not yet. But we agree that we cannot freak out both at the same time. We make a freaking out arrangement. Only one of us is allowed to freak out at a time. This time, it’s me.

I am not changing my mind, I just want to be patted. He pats me just right.

I tell him he has to get on voice with me later when I buy the plane ticket, to hold my hand. I tell him it will be sweet. I hear the smile in his voice as he agrees, yes, it will be incredibly sweet.

And so later, we buy the plane ticket together, being silly and laughing as I have to make the booking 3 or 4 times to fix mistakes… checking and double checking dates and options. I am about to hit ‘Confirm’.

“Are you ready? Are you ready…?!!”

“Yes yes!! PRESS IT! PRESS IT!!!”

“I’m going to count to three… ready? Ready?!!”

“Arrggh! Why are you doing this to me?!!! Wait… is this what I am going to be saying over and over when you get here?!!”

*laugh* “Yes, just like that!! It is useful to get some practice in…”

We count to three together, “One….. twwwwooooo… THREE!”

I hit ‘Confirm’, the ticket is bought.

“This is sooo exciting!!” he says.

“I know!!!! Crazy, right?”

“Crazy… exciting. I just can’t wait until you get here… really…”

“I know, me too.”

___

For your amusement, I have put a countdown timer at bottom right, and yes, there’s a way to go. Peak season for flights ends Jan 30 *sigh*

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39 Comments

  1. Oh my god that’s so exciting! Can I e-hold your hand by reading here and cheering you on? Also, why is it so long away goddammit?!?! (I know you already explained about flight prices but I’m excited.

    1. Yes!! Please e-hold my hand!! I love the hand holding!

      I’m excited too.

      On our first night, we are going to a lecture on Darwinian feminism as related to the sexual and social habits of bonobo monkeys. Can I plan a hot first date or what?!

      Ferns

  2. I hit ‘Confirm’, the ticket is bought.

    That is SO awesome!!!… You didn’t even have to click “Submit” to confirm your ticket. A good omen I would think.

    1. “You didn’t even have to click “Submit” to confirm your ticket. A good omen I would think.”

      Ha! Yes, though I totally would have hit that button too… *take THAT!!*

      Ferns

  3. Here in the States, we have 24 hours to cancel a ticket without financial penalty. Not that I’m suggesting you could torture him all over again with whether or not you are coming. That would be … sadistic. ;-)

    Respectfully, Étienne

    1. *laugh* I am currently torturing him with the idea that I am a burly truck driver called Clive and have a huge dick. Somehow he’s not buying it. He will learn!

      *waves dick around… drives truck…*

      Ferns

  4. “On our first night, we are going to a lecture on Darwinian feminism as related to the sexual and social habits of bonobo monkeys. Can I plan a hot first date or what?!”

    Yes! Sounds like a great first date… that’s the sort of thing that will give you plenty of things to talk about afterwards. Good call. :)

    1. Yes, or maybe we can just pretend to be monkeys… you know, practical application of everything we learnt…

      “Bonobos are perceived to be matriarchal: females tend to collectively dominate males by forming alliances and use sexuality to control males.” – Wikipedia

      Ferns

  5. “…..and I am freaking out” Huh? And here i thought u were a seasoned domina. Yes, yes, i know by now about that “there’s not one way” thingy philosophy, but still……..”On our first night, we are going to a lecture on Darwinian feminism as related to the sexual and social habits of bonobo monkeys.”? U sure u r not trying to pull ur readers’ legs?

    Anyway, there will be some of ur “sexual violence” action too during ur stay in that far away and freaky place eh?

  6. It all sounds about right to me.
    Bonobos are so much more interesting than chimps.

    Hope you have a great vacation and it is all you’ve hoped and more.

  7. Woods and Gooddall demonstrated that reciprocal PHB’s (patting and handholding behaviors) combined with FLVLP’s (female led violent lip pashings) are among the signature behaviors of the most successful bonobo matings.

    Sounds like you two are off to an auspicious start!

    1. Really? What a wild and crazy coincidence!!

      This does bode well for my ‘pretending to be a monkey’ idea *searches for things crawling around in your hair and eats them…*

      Ferns

  8. Oh my gosh!

    How very exciting! This mirrors my relationship with the beast closely! I was fine until he booked the first ticket then the whole “What are you DOING?” thing started in my head. We even did the whole voice booking of the tickets together. I love that you are having fun with it. We also had our alternate plan that if there was no physical connection once the blindfold came off (that’s a long story) that it would just be a nice vacation for him with a good friend (me). I had to psych myself out on both sides of that damn blindfold! He didn’t see many of the local sites and attractions that first trip… shame that. I hope the same outcome for you both. Five years later and we still voice book tickets together and I get all giggly inside.

    It is… it is very exciting!

    Thank you for sharing!
    Safe travels!

    1. “This mirrors my relationship with the beast closely!”

      Yay! It is encouraging for me that you are still together five years on.

      “He didn’t see many of the local sites and attractions that first trip… shame that. I hope the same outcome for you both.”

      *laugh* Thank you! I hope to not see anything at all. That would be grand!

      “It is… it is very exciting!”

      Yes! Now just the waiting and waiting, like… forever!!! Ugh!

      Ferns

    1. Just come here, I have tools!! Look: wrench, stanley knife, fishing line…

      “So very excited for you Clive, uh Ferns.”

      Thanks… And shhh… I think I got away with it so far…

      Ferns

  9. I’ve been through a similar experience. It won’t be so bad for you, as you’re the one flying, but for him waiting for you at the airport, he’ll be a nervous wreck! In a very, very good way, though.

    1. “…for him waiting for you at the airport, he’ll be a nervous wreck!”

      He will be sooo happy to hear this! *laugh*

      “In a very, very good way, though.”

      I hope so!

      Ferns

  10. Go Ferns go! Don’t worry about being nervous, from what I’ve seen your eloquence is far from sub-par and you’re remarkably interesting. You could make a Buckingham palace guard bowl over with laughter.

    Other advice: Whip the pilot and make him fly faster.

    That always works for me. Good luck. <3

    Lady D

    1. “… from what I’ve seen your eloquence is far from sub-par and you’re remarkably interesting. You could make a Buckingham palace guard bowl over with laughter.”

      *smile* Awww that’s so sweet, thank you!

      But just to clarify, I have no concerns about being interesting and/or funny (I *so* am! Modest too!)… it’s more about compatibility and commonality.

      He might like to discuss the political situation in Israel, and I might like to discuss wild bonobo monkey sex, and never the twain shall meet… that sort of thing.

      “Whip the pilot and make him fly faster.”

      Thanks for the tip!

      Ferns

  11. Ferns. I suppose you should be a bit nervous if the monkey is giving the talk.

    “Two bonobos at the Great Ape Trust, Kanzi and Panbanisha, have been taught how to communicate using a keyboard labeled with lexigrams (geometric symbols) and they can respond to spoken sentences. Kanzi’s vocabulary consists of more than 500 English words and he has comprehension of around 3,000 spoken English words.” – Wikipedia

    Have some questions ready.

    The monkey may be expecting some.

    I’m sure you and e will be fine.

    Satan

    1. “Have some questions ready. The monkey may be expecting some.”

      I will! It’s not good to disappoint monkeys, they will fling things at you with nary the hint of an excuse!

      “I’m sure you and e will be fine.”

      I’m sure you are right.

      Ferns

    2. Talking monkeys? With keyboards? Ferns knows how to deal with that. She once said Raposo Neves behaves like cyber gorilla, and she deleted a fine and spicy comment I made, to protect people from my hairy prose.

      1. “She once said Raposo Neves behaves like cyber gorilla…”

        Now, that dirty monkey-talk was just between you and me! As long as there is no faeces being flung, your hairy prose can roam the plains, and this blog, freely, unmolested, as nature intended.

        Ferns

  12. Besides being cute this is pretty hot. Glimpsing that natural vulnerability in a dominant woman through a mini freakout enhances the pleasure of obeying her.

    May I request a summary of this lecture? Sounds quite interesting.

    1. “Besides being cute this is pretty hot.”

      *laugh* Cute and hot? I’ll take it.

      “Glimpsing that natural vulnerability in a dominant woman through a mini freakout enhances the pleasure of obeying her.”

      Well, this is totally working for me then! Yay me!!

      “May I request a summary of this lecture? Sounds quite interesting.”

      You mean a synopsis? Sure, I will PM you.

      Ferns

  13. “Sure I will PM you.”

    That was kind of you. I actually meant a future blog about the lecture, (I wouldn’t have been so forward as to request a personal write up) but thanks so much. I’ll google the lecturer and try and read some of their articles or books if they have any. Let me return the favor by suggesting a book to you that you’re sure to enjoy (unless you’ve already read it). The Third Chimpanzee by Jared Diamond. Similar subject matter. He basically discusses how humans, though only something like .7 percent different from chimpanzees, genetically, managed to evolve the way we did. It also shows precursors in the other primates for a lot of the behavior we think of as strictly human. And best of all, it’s filled with fun facts about primate genitalia and sexual practices.

    1. “That was kind of you. I actually meant a future blog about the lecture, (I wouldn’t have been so forward as to request a personal write up) but thanks so much. ”

      *laugh* You are funny! You do realise that actually taking notes and writing them up is *waaayyy* more effort than just sending you a synopsis…? I took the easy route!

      I might do a ‘Ten things you didn’t know about monkey sex’ post, but I don’t think that was what you were after exactly…

      And you’re most welcome.

      Ferns

  14. oh, Ferns! My best wishes for a wonderful time for you both.

    It brings back memories for me.
    and while the anticipation and teasing (once in person) is quite hot, there is also something to be said for attacking him stright away. It does wonders for getting rid of the nerves. ;)

    1. Thank you! I think of your story a lot with this because of the ‘contact because of my blog’ thing. If mine turns out anywhere close to yours, I will be a happy camper.

      “…there is also something to be said for attacking him stright away. It does wonders for getting rid of the nerves.”

      *laugh* I don’t tend to be nervous on meeting, but I will keep that in mind because, hell, that is good advice!

      Ferns

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