Conversations with a bot

A submissive man mentioned in a recent Fetlife discussion that he had started talking on IM with a ‘dominant woman’ that he met from one of the groups. He said she seemed interesting until he figured out that she was a bot.

In the interests of research, I sought out a bot to have a conversation with. It looked like this:

Me: Hello baby, how are you cutie pie?
Bot: With a keyboard.
Me: What?
Bot: Who blasts energy from his mouth.
Me: But but… you are weird.
Bot: Of course. Aren’t you?

Eep! This bot totally has my number!! Nevertheless, I persevered, and the end of our conversation looked like this:

Me: Now you are just being stupid!
Bot: Chillax.
Me: No, YOU ‘chillax’.
Bot: No you do.
Me: Good comeback, genius.
Bot: That’s a lie. I’ve always liked you.
Me: You used to like me a lot. Now you are just mean.
Bot: Are you real?

Cue crippling self doubt about my own existence! Nicely played, bot, nicely played!

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23 Comments

  1. Anonymous: “Oh, sweet Eliza (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/ELIZA). What happened to you, girl? We hardly recognize you.”

    *laugh* I know, right!?

    This bot actually lied to me!! I quoted back something that it said, and it came back with, “I didn't say that.”
    “Yes, you did. I just quoted you.”
    “No, that's not what I said. Stop saying I said stuff that I didn't say.”
    Bloody hell, when the robots can lie right to our faces, we are in big trouble, boy!

    Ferns

  2. *laugh* Oh dear, it is quite addictive:

    Bot: I've used your posts to determine your IP address. I've used that to find your address. And I have Your house located on Google© maps.

    *Eeek! Stalker bot!!

    Me: Really? Tell me where I live then.
    Bot: No.
    Me: I will sue you for invading my privacy and stalking me.
    Bot: You do that!
    Me: I will, my lawyer will be all over this!
    Bot: And that wasn't even a question.
    Me: No, that wasn't a question, that was a threat!
    Bot: Indeed it was.
    Me: Fuck you, bot!
    Bot: Really?
    Me: No, not really, I think I love you.
    Bot: I love you too.
    Me: Will you marry me and have my babies?
    Bot: Yes I will.

    And me and the bot lived happily ever after!!!

    The End.

    Ferns

  3. Friz Q.: “See? You just have to give these relationships a chance. At least a couple screenfuls.”

    I do see, you are so right! And now I am blissfully fulfilled with my one twoo bot!! *happy sigh*

    (and hello there, Friz Q, I hardly recognised you… did you get a haircut?)

    Ferns

  4. Coug: “*stares blankly* I don't understand ANY of this”

    I know sweetie… well, you see, it starts with a thing called a 'computer'…

    Ahh fuck it!

    I met some guy called 'Bot', Cougs. He was really very odd. That's all.

    Ferns

  5. Coug: “*stares blankly* I don't understand ANY of this”

    You as well? Please share all you can find out.

    I did talk to a golf ball this morning. It would not go where I aimed it. It is still sulking! So is it the same with all machines?

    Satan

  6. slapshot: “WOW!… That looks like a conversation I would have had with my ex after she'd been drinking.”

    *laugh* I can well imagine this being indistinguishable from 'conversations with drunk people'.

    Ferns

  7. Wow, sounds like the bots have gotten way more deceptive. When I first got on some chat board, I answered some “nursing student”'s inane question, and someone kindly pointed out I was talking to a bot, and then I noticed the “nursing student” was repeating the same five phrases at even intervals. At this rate, the bots might become more interesting than real people, then what will we do?

  8. Gregory Allen: “At this rate, the bots might become more interesting than real people, then what will we do?”

    I should not admit how long I spent on that site talking to the bot and trying different approaches to see how it would respond.

    “And, hey, Ferns, you're halfway there on your NaNo book, way to go!”

    *smile* Thank you!! I am made of grit and determination, and never have a bunch of worser words been strung together < = yeah, just like that sentence!!Ferns

  9. D: “I thought Bot was perfectly sweet. I little scatterbrained, but very kind. We have a lunch date next Tuesday.”

    But but… he said he would marry me and have my babies!!! Lying little botty bastard!! *waves fist wildly*

    Ferns

  10. Gregory Allen said… At this rate, the bots might become more interesting than real people, then what will we do?

    I know. That’s why I keep up with all the latest papers on this:

    In 1847, R. Thornton, the editor of the Primitive Expounder, wrote about the recent invention of a four function mechanical calculator:

    “…such machines, by which the scholar may, by turning a crank, grind out the solution of a problem without the fatigue of mental application, would by its introduction into schools, do incalculable injury. But who knows that such machines when brought to greater perfection, may not think of a plan to remedy all their own defects and then grind out ideas beyond the ken of mortal mind!”

    What will they think of next?

    S.

  11. Quick!
    You’ll not believe it!
    I tell you my computer is talking back to me now!
    bot: What kind of computer are you?
    me: Mac.
    bot: Are you just copying me?
    me: Yes.
    bot: That's so rude.
    me: Why?
    bot: OK, maybe it's not.
    [New conversation]
    bot: While having never invented a sin I am trying to perfect several.
    me: What are your two best sins?
    bot: I'm too old to play games.
    me: I am the Devil. Who are you?
    bot: Okay, I am a dog.
    me: No you're not.
    bot: I am too.
    me: You're not stupid.
    bot: You said I am stupid.
    me: Not so.
    bot: Am too.
    me: Did you just say you're stupid?
    bot: No, stupid!
    me: You don't know what you’re talking about.
    bot: If you say so.

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